America's Next Top Model 5 - Episodes 1 & 2 Summary

'The 'Casting' and 'Superhero' Episodes' By Isabelle Murray

Well, this Cycle, they decided to combine the first 2 episodes.  It starts off by showing a few video entries.  The funniest thing is seeing Tyra imitating those videos.  She’s wearing like sweatpants and she’s like, “Hi!  My name is Tyra Banks!  And I think that you should pick me for America’s Next Top Model.  I can walk, I can dance, I can do all kinds of things.”

So, 36 girls arrive in Los Angeles.  They gather and, squeal!, super-makeup-dude (Jay Manuel) arrives.  He tells the girls that they need to know how to pose so he will call out poses and two girls will do those poses.  He will have help in looking and calling out these poses and, squeal!, super-runway-dude (J. Alexander aka Miss J) arrives.  Nothing really interesting to report here.  At the end, both guys ask that they show the Tyra trademark:  fierce!  And, squeal!, Tyra arrives and gives them a pep talk.

Next, the girls will meet individually in front of the panel composed of super-makeup-dude, super-runway-dude, and Tyra.  Well, we hear sad stories, we see girls who don’t know how to walk, one that has too much makeup on and is requested to remove it, one that looks too much like Naima so she is asked to puff her hair, one that says that she will do ANYTHING and goes on her knees to beg the judges (she is chided and is told NEVER to say that she will do anything because she might be asked to sleep with someone), one that has the bottom of her bikini riding up her butt, we hear sob stories (there are always sad stories), etc.

The funniest thing was that one girl said that she basically wanted to win so that she could change the world or something.  Well, Tyra called her bluff and asked what charity she wanted to support… cricket sound… when was the last time that she did some community service… cricket sound… So the girl said, “Okay, forget everything that I just said.”  Sure, honey!  Another funny thing was that they asked super-pageant-girl (Cassandra) who was the current Miss America, what country is Miss Universe from, etc. and she knew all those.  Then, Tyra asked her to name some top models and she couldn’t…  Super-bitch (you’ll know why later; Ashley) is a buyer for a clothing boutique and said that she loooooves fashion… so she is asked about her favorite designers and she mentions Michael Kors, Chanel, Christian Dior, and then her favorite new upcoming designer and she names a name.  She impressed the judges.

ADVERTISEMENT

The first girl that we see is super-cheese-girl (Bre; pronounced like the cheese) says that she comes from Harlem and that it’s a bad thing.  Super-runway-dude (J. Alexander) nods and explains that he’s from the Bronx.  Anyway, super-cheese-girl is asked why she thinks that being from Harlem is a bad thing.  Well, she doesn’t like Harlem because people don’t go out of there, etc.  Also, on her presentation sheet, she said that she will sometimes go weeks without bathing.  At this, the two guys make a disgusted face and super-runway-dude volunteers to go check her current bathing status and goes to smell her armpits…  he is not impressed.

We also see super-Twiggy-like-girl (Kim) who is a proud lesbian.  She is warned by Tyra not to overdo it on the pride… like she is Black and proud of it but she doesn’t walk like, “Huh, I’m Black.”  There is another girl who I will nickname (for now) super-corrupted-girl (Jayla) because she was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness but she says that she breaks so many rules like she smokes, she curses like a sailor, she’s a fornicator, and she doesn’t go to church.

In a heart-wrenching moment, super-eyebrows-girl (she has humongous eyebrows; Coryn) says that her mom didn’t really take care of her as she was a drug addict.  Actually, I think that she still is.  Tyra asks super-eyebrows-girl if she thinks that doing this and winning this would change things for her mom.  She takes a moment to think about it, she sighs, and answers that, no, it wouldn’t change anything.  Tyra smiles softly and says that she’s right, it wouldn’t but she’s glad that she knows that because too many people try to do things to change a loved one and it doesn’t work:  fame isn’t magic.

Those are some noteworthy girls.

These interviews seem to be held on multiple days.  Anyway, the first evening (or so it looks), there is a chapstick problem…  Super-whiny-girl (Nicole) just whines and whines and whines that she needs to buy some chapstick and where is the chapstick and maybe they should go to aisle whatever ‘cause that’s where the chapstick would be and chapstick, chapstick, chapstick.  Man!  She gets on everyone’s nerves!  By the way, she’s the girl who said that she would do ANYTHING to be in the competition.  The second night (or so it seems, again), there is yet another problem with super-whiny-girl:  she didn’t do her ramen noodles properly so she whines about them.  Her rant seemed to go on forever.  The girls were soooooooooo annoyed that they called her up on her attitude.  And she still said things like, “Well, it’s not whining if I’m stating a fact.  The fact is that I didn’t do my ramen noodles properly.” And ramen noodles, ramen noodles, ramen noodles.  One of the girls said that she would love it if super-whiny-girl could stop whining for just 5 minutes.  Wow!

So, after all the interviews, it’s time for the panel to decide who will go on; 20 will be chosen…  The girls are in this room and in walks super-makeup-dude (Jay Manuel).  He tells them that the next step is that the girls who continue on will pull on a fashion show while the 16 girls who are cut have to show support and watch the 20 chosen ones strut their stuff.  Man!  That’s mean!  The girls rush into the next room to see whether their name is on a hanger.  Lots of squeals!  And lots of tears!

The chosen girls strut their stuff and it ain’t pretty.  And we see them dressing and it’s total chaos and all.  Oh well.

The next morning, the girls are met by Tyra who informs them that she will have one on ones with each of them.  Tyra asks different questions.  At one point, we see super-clueless-girl (this nickname will be evident in a minute; Lisa) who says to Tyra that she has a question before.  Tyra seems intrigued and delighted and the girl asks, “What was it like to work with Will Smith?”  A dumbfounded Tyra exclaims that she could have asked any questions on modeling but what she wanted to know how it was to work with Will Smith?  There was one girl (I don’t remember who) who came in with a small piece of paper.  Tyra asks what it is and the girl explains that it is a list of questions that she wanted to ask Tyra.  Tyra seems impressed.

It is now time for the panel to determine who will be the official finalists.  From 20, there needs to be only 13 of them.  It’s the usual discussion:  I like this about her; I don’t like this about her; if only she could…  Here are our 13 finalists in alphabetical order of their real name: 

• Super-bitch, Ashley;

• Super-cheese-girl, Bre;

• Super-pageant-girl, Cassandra;

• Super-eyebrows-girl, Coryn;

• Super-sexy-plus-girl (she’s plus size and oh so gorgeous), Diane;

• Super-flower-girl (so far she always has a flower in her hair), Ebony;

• Super-corrupted-girl, Jayla;

• Super-Twiggy-like-girl, Kim;

• Super-Dairy-Queen-girl (she works there and loves it; she’d prefer to be a model, obviously, but she doesn’t hate her job), Kyle;

• Super-clueless-girl, Lisa;

• Super-whiny-girl, Nicole;

• I don’t have a nickname for her yet… Nik;

• Super-clumsy-girl (she’s clumsy… she falls… you’ll see), Sarah.

Note:  as usual, nicknames are subject to change.

Page Index: 1 2

Continue Reading >>>