Lamar Odom, now living a sober lifestyle, calls himself "a walking miracle" after recovering from his near-fatal drug overdose in October 2015, and now he's ready to share his story.
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But the 37-year-old father of two teenagers and former NBA star completed a stay at San Diego's Casa Palmera rehab center in January, according to People, and now he's trying to keep the past behind him.
While married to Keeping Up with the Kardashians star Khloe Kardashian, Lamar attempted to hide his drug use.
"I was hiding it for a while, but then I got frustrated and was like, f-ck it. Around two years before we split up [in 2011], I was in the man cave she had made for me and she caught me. She was disappointed. So was I," Lamar told People.
"The sad thing about it is, I don't know if I was disappointed because I was actually doing the drug or because she caught me. She knew I was doing cocaine the whole time after that. It was my drug of choice. I'm not going to say she accepted it because that would be the wrong word. 'Tolerated' would be a better word."
The couple had starred on their own KUWTK spinoff, Khloe & Lamar, from 2011-2012, which launched the basketball player into fame. Lamar admitted that with such attention came temptation from female fans he simply couldn't reject.
"[The show] opened this gate up with other women who probably wouldn't have been interested in me. When I became Khloe Kardashian's man and on TV, it made me look more enticing. People who didn't even know basketball would approach me because they knew Lammy," Lamar said, referencing the nickname Khloe gave him.
"Bitches and THOTs [that hoe over there] came out of the woodwork. If there is one thing I regret when I was married, it was having multiple affairs with different women. That wasn't the stand-up thing to do. I wish I could have kept my d-ck in my pants."
Khloe first filed for divorce in December 2013, and Lamar then moved into an apartment in Los Angeles with his close friend Jamie Sangouthai, whose unexpected 2015 death was linked to drug abuse.
"[Jamie and I] turned the drug use up to another level. The 'don't give a f-ck' place. I was in a very dark place and very confrontational. I wasn't trying to repair my marriage; I was just trying to get high," Lamar confessed.
"My life was all about drugs at that point. It probably helped the end of my career come along a little faster because drugs killed my drive to want to train and be in shape. It killed that and my sex drive. The only time you can f-ck is when you take coke."
Fast forwarding to the night Lamar visited the Nevada brothel and was ultimately found unconscious, he recalled to People, "I was home by myself bored. I wanted to get out and have a good time. Looking back, I might have had a drink to get the mood started, but was I drunk or on drugs? Not at all. I remember lying in bed. Two women were in bed and then I fell asleep. That's all. When I woke up four days later, I was trying to pull the tubes out of my mouth."
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When Lamar noticed Khloe was at his side in the hospital, he said it was "definitely a moment of relief."
"She was the first thing I saw... She played a major role in me getting my memory back. She would bring pictures of my mother and my grandmother. I kept thinking, 'Am I paralyzed forever? Am I mute forever?' It was scary sh-t. Faith got me through," Lamar explained. "I was just blessed to be around her."
Lamar fell off the wagon again not long after his near-death experience and hospital release, as he was spotted drinking in public places multiple times.
After delaying divorce to support Lamar's recovery, Khloe, feeling helpless and emotionally drained, finally decided to refile the court papers in May 2016. (The divorce was finalized in December).
So how did Lamar conquer his demons when he picked up his cocaine habit again? His daughter Destiny, now 18, gave him an ultimatum to go to rehab or never speak to her again, which served as a huge wake-up call for the athlete. He stayed the entire 30 days in rehab this year and called the process "life-changing."
Lamar claims he is now clean, happy, and staying away from drugs completely.
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski