Married at First Sight star Jacob Harder says Haley Harris' concern he was changing too much for her to try and save their marriage made no sense to him.
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In attempt to create a spark, Haley asked Jacob to ditch his 80s home decor and clothing style, and she even went out of her way to buy him a new wardrobe -- but she still cried about feeling no connection with her husband at all as the experiment progressed.
During the March 24 broadcast of Married at First Sight: Unfiltered, Jacob, MAFS expert Dr. Viviana Coles and MAFS star Erik Lake watched back a Season 12 clip of Viviana reminding Haley how she had written in her casting questionnaire that she's picky and tends to pick a man apart before really getting to know him.
"'I beat myself up for picking him apart and then promise myself to give the next guy a real chance,'" Viviana quotes Haley in the clip, before asking Haley flat out, "Do you feel like you've been picking [Jacob] apart?"
"I think I have a little bit. I mean, he's really trying. He's trying to change his lifestyle to be similar to mine, and I'm like, 'But at what point is he changing himself too much?'" Haley explains.
In response to how Haley had filled out her questionnaire going into the Married at First Sight process, Jacob said on Unfiltered, "I mean, I'd say it's fairly accurate."
"I think she made some decisions about me during the wedding ceremony and then just kind of stuck to those," Jacob said.
"I'm just trying to, like, see where we can go and see if there could be something there," he added.
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But Jacob admitted Haley expressing concern over him changing too much for her doesn't really make sense.
"I don't know what she's talking about, to be honest with you," Jacob confessed.
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"I didn't really change anything. I think she decided that I'm a certain way with everything universally. I don't really prescribe to that stuff; I'm all over the place with a lot of things."
Similar to what Haley and Jacob were going through, Erik acknowledged his wife Virginia Coombs also tried to change "things" for him so they would complement one another better.
"I mean, the biggest things are... again, her single lifestyle -- partying, going out, all of those things. We're still struggling with that a little bit," Erik revealed.
"It's just figuring out that respect level and communication for sure."
Given Jacob didn't want to give up his 80s obsession, Unfiltered host Jamie Otis -- who starred on Season 1 of Married at First Sight -- asked Jacob how far he'd be willing to go to adapt to Haley's lifestyle.
"I don't see it as much of an issue, personally," Jacob said. "I'm kind of trolling my future self, just, like, wearing something really stupid sometimes and then I look at pictures of that later and I laugh my ass off."
Jacob explained, "That's kind of part of it with me, but yeah, it's not a big deal to me to shift some things."
Viviana noted how it's funny Jacob seemed to be "in his own world."
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"[Jacob] is trying to entertain himself. I love that!" Viviana pointed out.
"I will just say that you're wife doesn't know who you really are. So you're like trolling yourself and she's like, 'Is this you? Wait, who is this?' I think it's funny because he's like, 'I'm going to be as weird as I want to be and if it's funny to me, then that's cool.'"
On the March 17 episode of Unfiltered, Married at First Sight expert Pastor Calvin Roberson actually said Haley's effort to change Jacob's styling to her liking was an "awesome" idea.
"There is a notion that you're not supposed to change [your spouse], which I believe is BS," Pastor Cal shared.
"I think if you're going to be married, you do what's necessary to help each other."
Pastor Cal added, however, "The only thing I wish Jacob had done was... he could have sexied it up a little bit!"
On Married at First Sight's currently-airing twelfth season, Haley is doing everything in her power to avoid divorce. She agreed to sleep in the same bed as Jacob and try to bond and become friends through activities such as trying new restaurants, but she's still not ready to hug, kiss or cuddle with him.
On the couple's one-month anniversary, they couldn't even get through a wine tasting without some depressing conversation. Jacob was simply feeling rejected in his marriage and Haley felt defeated.
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"Right now, there is no romantic connection, and I don't usually have a tough time connecting with people. And that's... super frustrating," Haley explained in the latest episode.
Jacob admitted he felt "dead inside" some days and recalled Haley reacting with a "disgusted sigh" one time when they hugged.
"It's a hug!" Jacob complained. "You hug strangers. You smile and you're happy."
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"Well don't worry, in four weeks, you won't have to see me ever again," Jacob snapped.
"So what are we doing here?" Haley asked.
"I don't know," Jacob said, adding that he was "kind of done" with their annoying cycle.
"There's no resolve. It's like, 'Let's just die a slow death until we get divorced.' That's the reality of the situation. We'd have to get struck by lightning at this point and like each other to stay married," he explained.
Haley cried, saying she didn't see the relationship working out and she didn't have much left to give her husband.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
