Steven "Steve-O" Glover says his trip to the self-described "looney bin" is the product of alcohol abuse in his family tree.

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"Mom was very alcoholic, and I feel that is a gross understatement. I'd love to say that I first took to alcohol out of affection for my mother (there was never any shortage of that for me) but I think the truth is that I was always powerless over it," Steve-O wrote in a message posted on his personal website on Thursday.

"I know I was always powerless over alcoholism, because it had such a grip on Mom's adulthood and my childhood, and I never chose to fight it. Until now."

The 33-year-old former Jackass, Wildboyz and Dr. Steve-O star is currently undergoing evaluation at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center following a four-day stint at Thalians Mental Health Center for observation after an alleged suicide attempt. 

He said that alcohol was something that was forced upon him by his parents at an early age.

"Dad was a corporate executive whose job required the family to travel the world fairly extensively and both Mom and Dad were quite self conscious of how they were perceived by others. We were frequently on airplanes and, before Mom and Dad would find themselves in the embarrassing position of being caught by other passengers with a crying baby, I was fed alcohol," wrote Steve-O.  "Obviously I don't have recollections from the time when I was a baby, so this account is pieced together from vague memories of being told stories that are similar or exactly the same."

Steve-O said his mom's alcoholism "truly reared its ugly head" when he was around 8-years-old.

"It was in 1983 that she lied to the family about having lymph node cancer so that she would have an explanation for staying in bed drunk at all hours," he wrote.  "I forgave my Mom very easily for her act of dishonesty, my love for her was unconditional. At this point in my life I find myself hoping that I will be able to forgive myself for similarly selfish acts that my own addiction led me to commit.  I can't believe I just called out my own dead Mom for what's surely the worst lie she ever told."

In addition, Steve-O said he's surprised that he even turned to alcohol after he saw the way it "ruined" his mom's life.

"I think I was eight years old when I was introduced to the family tradition of children partaking in an alcoholic beverage of their choice, just one, only on New Year's Eve, each year," he recalled.  "I think it was right away that I knew I wasn't interested in beer, rather that I wanted scotch whiskey. I can't really remember, after all, what alcoholic remembers the first drink they picked up."

Imbibing in one holiday beverage apparently turned into a problem for Steve-O a few years later, and it spiraled out of control from there.

"The first time I vomited from truly drinking 'too much' alcohol, I was twelve years old, that I'm quite sure of. I'm also quite sure that everything I remember taking interest in from childhood, and onwards, I poured myself into with an unhealthy 'excessive/compulsive' attitude about it. Baseball. Heavy metal music. Skateboarding. Drinking. Drugs. Oh yeah, and the video camera..."

Steve-O said he becoming a "stoner/drugie" was something that happened "overnight" when he turned 16-years-old.

"Shortly thereafter, I was taking LSD on a regular basis. It was my prerogative to try just about any drug I could get my hands on. It is not my intention to glorify my history as a drug abuser with elaborate stories about having sex in lavatories on airplanes after snorting amphetamines off the toilet at the tender age of seventeen," he wrote.  "I will simply say that when I was interviewed about it all upon checking into this rehab facility, it became frighteningly clear to me how lucky I am to still have any chance whatsoever at leading a happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life."

Steve-O said the first time he attempted to curb his drinking was when he was 18-years-old -- still three years shy of being able to legally drink.

"I recall looking up Alcoholics Anonymous, but not making it to any meetings, and after, perhaps (I can't remember exactly), nineteen days of not drinking, back to back, doing the same number of vodka shots back to back," he write.  "Mom forced me into a rehab facility when I was twenty years old (she was sober at the time, I was in jail, and going to rehab was my only chance to see sunlight before court). Sobriety lasted for two and a half months after the sun's rays met my face, and it ended as brutally as it had when I was eighteen."

While he claims to have never smoked crack, Steve-O did admit to using powder cocaine, for which he was recently arrested and charged.

"I have been aware of significant problems that snorting powder cocaine has caused in my life for many years now, and, on numerous occasions, made efforts to give up the habit, with varied success," he wrote.  "The longest I was able to abstain was one year and six days, the second longest was roughly six months, and, you get the idea."

Steve-O said his "abusive behavior" with drugs and alcohol -- which he said will "haunt me for the rest of my life" -- can be summed up by the words "verbal and emotional attacks on my loved ones."

To cope with what he's going through, Steve-O said he's gone from an agnostic to considering himself "spiritual" and is also ready to admonish drugs and alcohol from his life altogether.

"At this point, All you f**king things are good for is dying," he wrote.  "I'm not ready to die. I'm ready to live. I'm ready to breathe (properly, even).  I'm ready to fall in love. I'm ready to become ready to start a family. I'm ready to be happy, fulfilled and meaningful. Maybe I'll see you f**kers if and/or when I'm ready to die."
About The Author: Christopher Rocchio

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