90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days star Stephanie Matto is addressing haters head-on and revealing why she waited so long to come out as bisexual to her mother.
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RELATED LINK: '90 DAY FIANCE' COUPLES NOW: WHO IS STILL TOGETHER? WHO HAS SPLIT? WHERE ARE THEY KNOW? (PHOTOS)
Not only has Stephanie been accused of using the show to grow her social-media following and make money, but she's also taken heat for missed opportunities to come out to her mom and never introducing Australian photographer Erika Owens as her girlfriend.
"Being pressured to come out because of a show sucks. And while I will say, the show's producers really did try to make things easy on me, I knew my mom would see it eventually and that it was literally a ticking time bomb," Stephanie recently wrote in her Instagram Stories according to screenshots re-posted by 90 Day Fiance Instagrammer John Yates.
"I knew the response I would get from her, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to capture that for national TV or to do it in private. The apprehension was less about whether to come out or not and more so about HOW do I do it?"
Stephanie added, "Because to some degree, it's a big f-cking deal, especially if your mother is a traditional eastern european woman who has always dreamt of you marrying some rich douchebag."
Stephanie revealed on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days she's extremely close to her mother, who is apparently like her best friend. The girls live together in New York and Stephanie said her mother takes care of her when she's sick and has helped her through past heartbreaks.
Stephanie said because she was terrified to lose that close relationship and feared her conservative mother wouldn't accept her sexuality, she had to come up with the best approach for coming out.
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"Do I come out on TV and then my mom cries and is sad and is automatically pegged a homophobe? Do I do it in private, and have that moment be between us? I had a LOT to consider," Stephanie continued in her Instagram Stories post.
"And I will be DAMNED if I come out to my mom via skype with someone who I haven't even built a solid foundation with."
Stephanie was referring to Erika, who told her friends they had dated for only several months by the time Stephanie was ready to travel to Australia so they could meet in person. Stephanie and Erika only communicated through videochat and phone calls for the majority of their relationship.
RELATED LINK: '90 DAY FIANCE' COUPLES NOW"I wouldn't even introduce someone I have dated for 6 months in person to my mom," Stephanie explained.
"My mother's approval is important and she has seem me hurt many times. If I introduce anyone to her, I need to feel sure. That is MY choice, and I am so happy I stuck to my guns, even at the risk of looking like a f-cking assh-le on a TV show."
Stephanie has also been criticized for being jealous and insecure, and one 90 Day Fiance fan even accused Stephanie of pretending to be bisexual in order to do the show.
"If I was truly not bisexual, WHY would I go on the show with a woman??? Why not fake it with a guy if that is who I was truly attracted to??? And if I was truly faking it, then why did it crash and burn?" Stephanie blasted critics.
RELATED LINK: '90 DAY FIANCE: BEFORE THE 90 DAYS' COUPLES NOW: WHO IS STILL TOGETHER? WHO HAS SPLIT? WHERE ARE THEY NOW? (PHOTOS)
"Wouldn't I, a content creator, create something better than what you all saw?! I lack affection, I am insecure, and I want months to have sex with ANYONE. With men and with women," Stephanie explained.
"I don't care what [genitals] you have, if I don't feel 100% in the moment I am not faking sh-t.
On her hesitancy to be intimate with Erika during her stay in Australia, Stephanie wrote, "I genuinely seek out emotional and intellectual closeness... I want to know your mind before I know your body."
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Stephanie from Yonkers, NY, and Erika from Port Augusta, Australia, are the first same-sex couple to appear on the 90 Day Fiance franchise.
They began talking about a year before the 90 Day Fiance season began filming.
Stephanie traveled to Australia to get to know Erika in person and hopefully fall even deeper in love -- and maybe even get engaged -- but the couple bickered and fought over their differences and Stephanie's jealousy and insecurity issues throughout the entire trip.
Shortly after Erika came out to her parents and introduced Stephanie as her girlfriend, Stephanie and Erika got into a huge fight over Erika keeping one of her past serious relationships under wraps.
Erika admitted she was afraid Stephanie would keep her a secret, just as her ex had.
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The fight resulted in Stephanie yelling at Erika and dumping her, claiming Erika had lied to and betrayed her.
But Erika said she was just trying to be vulnerable and had never mentioned her past relationship in fear Stephanie would react in this exact manner.
Stephanie said there was a level of understanding between them that would never be resolved, and then she noted, "That's it. We're done... But I'll always love her."
On Sunday night's episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Stephanie left Australia without hearing a word from Erika.
The girls had deleted each other on social media and Stephanie chose not to come out to her mother during their drive home from the airport.
"If I keep bottling it up, I am going to explode," Stephanie said in a confessional of her emotional journey in Australia, adding that she hoped to be open and vulnerable with her mother soon.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
