Allison Holker has conducted her first TV interview since her late husband Stephen "tWitch" Boss took his own life, revealing if there were any "signs" he was struggling prior to his death.

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The Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance alum sat down with TODAY's Hoda Kotb and opened up about how she and her three children have been coping ever since tWitch tragically committed suicide a few weeks before Christmas in late 2022.

"I still feel like I'm the rest of the world, where I'm still shocked. No one is ready for that moment," Allison shared during the TODAY episode that aired Wednesday.

"And there's no one that saw this coming -- no one. And that also breaks my heart too."

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Allison said people have been asking her all the time, "What were the signs?"

But Allison insisted her late husband was "so much love and light" that she didn't realize anything was wrong with his mental health.

"He really wanted to be everyone's Superman, and he said that a lot," Allison shared.

"He could hold so much for people, and I do, I think it was hard for him to process that at the end."

When asked if there was something she may have missed in his final months and days, Allison explained, "[I questioned] that a lot in the beginning. I eventually had to tell myself that I can't change anything that's happened."

Allison admitted she feels "so sad" that when tWitch was still alive, she and his loved ones "weren't in the knowing" about what he was battling internally and emotionally.

"He wanted to be the strong one for everyone, and I think that was a little scary for him, to think that he might need to ask for help," Allison reasoned.

Allison shared how she and her three kids -- son Maddox, 7, and daughters Weslie, 14, and Zaia, 3 -- have good days and bad days following tWitch's passing but they're trying to move forward.

The pro dancer and choreographer said she's been managing to have some tough conversations with the children about why tWitch is gone.

"It's honestly something I wouldn't wish on anybody," Allison confessed of those heartbreaking talks.

"It's really hard. But if I've learned anything, it's that communication is key. To us, Daddy is in the stars, so we can go outside and talk to him whenever we want."

Allison went on to disclose the "really hard" questions her kids have asked her: "When is Daddy coming back?... Is he coming back when he's older?"

Allison noted how her kids obviously still want tWitch around and so she's trying to be strong for them as well as the rest of the world.

"I think it's all of that! I don't really have any other choice but to be strong. Now, they still see me have my highs and lows -- because there's a lot of it," Allison admitted.

"All I can do is just try to move forward," she added.

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Allison and her family are now trying to honor tWitch's legacy through dance, a fashion campaign with Gap, and by bringing more awareness to mental-health issues.

"[We're] opening up the conversations to hopefully help people feel comfortable asking for that help. I really do want to make an impact on behalf of someone I love so much," Allison shared.

Allison struggled to hold back her tears during the interview, but she sweetly concluded, "I do feel like he's with me. We know he's guiding us through every single day."

TWitch was found dead at age 40 on December 13 in a Los Angeles motel, the Oak Tree Inn in Encino, CA -- which was less than one mile from his house -- from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

According to the Los Angeles County Medical Examiner, tWitch died by suicide and there were "no signs of foul play," Us Weekly reported at the time.

Allison welcomed Weslie from a previous relationship, but tWitch adopted her as his daughter.

In early March, Allison praised her kids for being so strong after losing their beloved father.

"My loves we are stronger than you could ever imagine. And we will stand strong together as a unit, and find the courage to hold each other up. I will be here for you every step of the way through the highs and lows, the ups and the downs," Allison captioned a family photo on Instagram.

"I will protect and I will guide, I will be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, I will have mom jokes ready for when you need a good laugh. The love and light inside our hearts will still shine. I love you forever and always. Mommy."

And not long after tWitch's passing, Allison penned a sweet message to her longtime love in early January on Instagram.

"To my husband, best friend, babe, Chee-chalker, Superman and father of my children I LOVE YOU FOREVER and ALWAYS!" Allison wrote at the time, sharing a slideshow of pictures from the couple's 2013 engagement and wedding.

"We will forever remember you as the true beacon of light that you were and we will continue to cast your light and love throughout the world. Thank you for our incredible memories and our beautiful life shared together."

When tWitch's tragic passing first made headlines, Allison confirmed his death in a statement without revealing any details.

"It is with the heaviest of hearts that I have to share my husband Stephen has left us," Allison said late last year.

"Stephen lit up every room he stepped into. He valued family, friends and community above all else and leading with love and light was everything to him. He was the backbone of our family, the best husband and father, and an inspiration to his fans."

She continued, "To say he left a legacy would be an understatement, and his positive impact will continue to be felt. I am certain there won't be a day that goes by that we won't honor his memory."

"We ask for privacy during this difficult time for myself and especially for our three children. Stephen, we love you, we miss you, and I will always save the last dance for you," she concluded.

Allison and tWitch had celebrated their ninth wedding anniversary just a few days before tWitch took his own life.

Married by So You Think You Can Dance co-executive producer Jeff Thacker, Allison and tWitch exchanged vows at SYTYCD creator and former judge Nigel Lythgoe's vineyard and winery in Paso Robles, CA, in December 2013.

Maddox was born in March 2016, and then Allison gave birth to Zaia in November 2019.

TWitch had served as the DJ for The Ellen DeGeneres Show after rising to fame as a contestant Season 4 of So You Think You Can Dance in 2008, when he finished as the runner-up.

Allison and tWitch were also All-Star dancers on Season 7 of So You Think You Can Dance in 2010, when the pair connected romantically.

TWitch returned to So You Think You Can Dance as a member of its judging panel for Season 15, which aired on Fox in 2018, and then again for Season 17, which aired in Summer 2022.

TWitch was also a semifinalist on MTV's The Wade Robson Project in 2003 as well as the runner-up on Star Search.

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Allison competed as a pro partner on Seasons 19, 20, 21, and 23 of Dancing with the Stars. The highest she ever placed was second with Riker Lynch on Season 20.




About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski

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