Amanda Stanton's life at home in Orange County, CA, with her two children had nothing to do with why Ben Higgins sent her home, according to The Bachelor star.

ADVERTISEMENT

In his People blog, Higgins actually gushed about Stanton being a mom and her young daughters, insisting that there was an entirely separate reason why he felt the need to let the beautiful esthetician go after her "very special" hometown date that naturally took on more "importance" than the rest.

"I could not WAIT for Amanda's hometown date!... She had never introduced a man to her children before. I definitely had some nerves, but more than anything, I was just excited. Not only to meet them and see if they were open to having me in their lives, but also to see Amanda as a MOM!" Higgins wrote in the blog.

"I had met and gotten to know Amanda simply as a woman, but every time she talked about being a mom I could see a sparkle in her eye and her entire face light up. I knew this was going to be a whole different side of her that I hadn't seen yet, and I couldn't have been more excited to see that."

Stanton saw her two girls for the first time since filming began on a beach in her hometown. She ran to her kids and cried as she hugged them like she never wanted to let go.

"That moment that Amanda saw her kids for the first time is indescribable to me. It's the look on her face and the feelings I know she was likely having inside that are what makes me so excited to be a dad myself. I know I've never felt anything like that, and I really am excited for the day that I do," Higgins explained.

The Bachelor thought Stanton's girls were "unbelievably cute" and his "heart just melted" watching them chase birds and play in the sand. He was "a little concerned" they wouldn't like him or be super shy, but that didn't turn out to be the case.

"And seeing that side of Amanda -- so incredibly attractive I don't even have the words. That said, it was a long day out there in the sun, so when we got in the car to drive to meet Amanda's family, I got a real taste that being a parent isn't all just sandcastles and flying kites. The girls were just exhausted and it was tears almost the entire way there," Higgins admitted.

"I could see the stress on Amanda's face because I know she wanted the day to be easy and perfect, but I was really glad that I got to see that side of it too. If I really was going to consider marrying Amanda and becoming a father instantly, I needed to know what I was getting into, the fun times and the hard days. So that was really good for me to see."

Higgins insisted the girls' tears absolutely didn't scare him away -- "in the least." Higgins wasn't even really phased when Stanton's family discussed how difficult being a parent can be, although he really appreciated their opinions and advice.

"If I was going to end up with Amanda, I needed to be ready for [the responsibility]. And I didn't want to sit there and say that I knew I was, because I wasn't. I am sure there are a million things that I would have no idea to expect, but I loved seeing how much they cared for Amanda and how badly they wanted to find someone that could be there for her," Higgins confessed.

"And all of that, combined with what a wonderful woman Amanda really is, made me excited about that possibility."

So when it became time for Higgins to eliminate one of his Final 4 bachelorettes in Los Angeles, he had an agonizing decision to  make.

"Aside from the final day, this was the hardest Rose Ceremony that I had had to face by far. All four of these women are absolutely wonderful. All four I have very strong feelings for. And all four I could legitimately see a wonderful future with. On top of that, I didn't want a single one of them thinking that I sent them home because of their families," Higgins wrote.

"I already expressed how hard this must be for the families involved so I never wanted my sending someone home to be viewed as a reflection on their family. They were all wonderful."

Even though Joelle "JoJo" Fletcher's hometown date "did not go particularly well," Higgins sent Stanton home, and she was shocked and devastated.
   
"Ultimately, I had to just make the call based on whom I was furthest along with at this point. But when I did that, I knew I was furthest behind with Amanda, and I was not ready to send her home. At all. And more than anyone, I didn't want her thinking it was because of her kids or that I was afraid of being a father to them. I knew it was what I had to do, but I just felt awful about it," Higgins admitted.

"And I felt even worse knowing what a big step it was for her to introduce me to those two perfect little girls and knowing that this meant that I wasn't going to see them again -- my heart was in pieces thinking about it. And unfortunately Amanda's reaction was about what I feared and expected it would be."

Stanton was angry because if Higgins had any doubts about being with her, it was inconsiderate to make her fly to LA just to be sent back home at the next Rose Ceremony. In the most recent episode, Higgins confessed her complaint was "fair."

"She wondered why, if I was planning on sending her home, I would put her and her kids through any of this. And had I known then that I was going to be saying goodbye, I NEVER would have. But I just didn't," Higgins explained.

"I went into this following my heart and hindsight is obviously 20/20, but I couldn't have known at the beginning of the week that I would be putting her in a limo at the end of the week. I don't think that made it hurt any less for either of us though. Definitely one of my hardest goodbyes ever."
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski

FOLLOW REALITY TV WORLD ON GOOGLE NEWS