Bethenny Frankel is considering herself a failure in light of her recent divorce filing from husband Jason Hoppy.
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"I feel like a failure. I mean, I really put it out there. I wanted the fairytale. I thought I had it. And [my daughter] Bryn is my fairytale... I get letters from some people -- so many people have been so supportive and some people are judgmental and I really understand," the Bethenny Ever After and former The Real Housewives of New York City star said in tears during a Wednesday appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
"I also get letters from people saying, 'Now I don't believe in love,' and that's just not true. Love is everywhere. It's the road and you're on it. It has peaks and valleys and that's what it is, but I don't know how people go through this, because this is excruciating, I have to say."
According to court records, Frankel filed a summons for divorce -- the first step in the divorce process -- from Hoppy in New York last week. The reality TV star told host Ellen DeGeneres it's been "difficult" to not only deal with the split personally but to also watch it splash across media headlines and cover stories of numerous tabloids.
"Does this specifically bother me [gesturing to the tabloid magazines]? No. But dealing with that plus personal stuff at the same time is a very surreal thing. Just going through something personal, you have so many different emotions, and I feel like a bit of a disappointment to all of you. And I feel like a failure."
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"Do I want to be doing this exact thing right now? No, but I can't just only be on reality TV and show everything when it's the fairy princess fairytale and then not take my hits when I have to. I mean, I've kind of had the best, worst year ever. It's [had] the highs and the lows."
Frankel, who announced shortly before Christmas she and Hoppy were separating, also insisted her work never came before her marriage or parental responsibilities.
"Definitely a lot of my life has been business, but since we did the show this summer... I've just been home being more of a stay-at-home mom. A lot of people are saying that I chose business over love, which couldn't be further from the truth," Frankel told DeGeneres.
"I don't really do much, and [the tabloids have] kind of made me say to myself, 'Oh my gosh.' Fame is a weird thing. Maybe I want to get off the ride, but doing [my talk show]... everyday, that's what I'm supposed to be doing -- talking to people and women everyday, having these conversations that are difficult. And that's kind of why I'm here today."
Frankel said she's ready to go through the bad moments in her life with her talk show audience, although DeGeneres pointed out viewers will never truly understand who she is or what she's gone through.
However, Frankel admitted she's starting out on the path to recovery emotionally.
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"I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off so it could start to heal, and this will obviously be better. I'm scared of the unknown future. You know everything and then one day you don't know," Frankel explained, adding that as a role model to many women, she has to realize that people will observe how she handles herself and things going forward -- and she hopes to portray herself with "grace and dignity."
"Now is the time that matters."
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski