Billie Lourd shared her thoughts on grief while honoring her late mom Carrie Fisher in a new post on Instagram.
Fisher, an actress best known for playing Princess Leia in the Star Wars movies, died at age 60 on Dec. 27, 2016. Her mother, actress Debbie Reynolds, died one day later at age 84.
Lourd shared a throwback photo of herself with Fisher and reflected on the different iterations of grief she has experienced since her mom's death.
"It has been 7 years since my mom died (but who's counting?? Me I guess?) Every anniversary brings a different iteration of my grief. Some infuse me with rage, some make me cry all day long, some make me feel dissociated and empty, some make me feel nothing, some make me feel guilty for feeling nothing, and some make me feel all of those things all at once," the star wrote.
"This year when I woke up I felt grateful - or griefull if you will. Grief has infused my life with a sense of appreciation I had never had before. It makes me soak up every moment of joy as if it were my last," she said.Lourd herself is mom to two children, son Kingston Fisher, 3, and daughter Jackson Joanne, 1, with her husband, Austen Rydell.
"Today I was holding my daughter while she was napping in my arms and my eyes welled up with tears of joy. I laughed at myself then cried more cause I was laughing. I felt my mombys presence like the warmth of the sun on your skin on a hot summer day. The kind of warmth where you unknowingly close your eyes and take a slow breath through your nose and grin," Lourd wrote.
Lourd honored Fisher at the actress' posthumous Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony in May, where she shared how Fisher's legacy lives on for her kids in Princess Leia.
"I feel so lucky that even though they won't get to meet my mom, they will get to know a piece of her through Leia," she said. "And I will get to tell them that the little lady in the TV is my momby, their grandmomby."
Lourd played Lt. Kaydel Ko Connix in the Star Wars sequel trilogy and also starred on Scream Queens and in multiple seasons of American Horror Story, including American Horror Story: Delicate.