Brooke White's American Idol ouster may have been a surprise to some, but it didn't catch her completely off guard.
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"I kind of anticipated it in a strange way in my gut," White told reporters during a Thursday conference call. "I think after Tuesday night I was re-energized. My spirits were up. I wanted to keep going. Then I woke-up Wednesday morning and I knew in my gut, 'Brooke, you're going home.'"
Her gut feeling was right as the 24-year-old from Mesa, AZ who currently resides in Van Nuys, CA became the eighth Idol seventh-season finalist eliminated from the competition after "over 45 million" home viewer votes were cast immediately following Tuesday night's live performance episode that saw the Top 5 finalists each sing two Neil Diamond songs.
Similar to several other moments during her Idol journey, White was extremely emotional after her ouster was revealed -- with host Ryan Seacrest wiping tears from her eyes.
"I had thought I was strong. I really did," explained White. "I felt so grateful and happy and then, 'Boom!' It hit me. This is done. This over. The finality of that phase of the experience being over was sad. Then the fear of going back into the real world, what does the future hold, and also an excitement. So it was just a lot feelings that I guess I was feeling. It was emotional and I hoped so much that I could have been stronger. But I guess I'm an emotional girl and passionate, and I guess that really came across on the stage because I felt vulnerable every time."
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When asked if she felt any relief now that her hectic Idol experience was over, White answered "yes and no."
"Part of me was like, 'I want to keep going,'" she said. "Then the other part of me was just thinking, 'This has been amazing.' It is kind of relief."
Specifically, White said the "pressure" on her as an Idol finalist had "really increased" since she was now preparing two songs each week and also had the finale and tour looming on the horizon.
"It's just an incredible amount of pressure," she said. "So in that sense, it does feel kind of good to be done with that. But I was welcoming the challenge as well."
While White said making it to the show's finale was always her goal, she added she has also been packed for the last two weeks in case her exit were to occur.
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"There's always a chance you can go home, but in these last couple weeks, it starts becoming more real," she explained. "The contestants are so strong and you just never know. Ever since Michael Johns went home, there was always this question in my mind like, 'How long do I get? It could be any week.' So you give your best performance and then it's out of your hands."
Check back with Reality TV World on Friday for more from White's exit interview, including how it's always been a struggle for her to find her inner confidence; why that might have played a role in her not enjoying her Idol experience more than she did; if she thinks Simon Cowell succeeded in brining her to the dark side; and what type of musical career she hopes to have moving forward.
About The Author: Christopher Rocchio