The Bachelorette alum Hannah Brown has revealed she didn't think her husband was in the room on Night 1 of filming and she essentially lied to her Season 15 bachelors.
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"My first night on The Bachelorette, right after meeting all the guys who were there to be my suitors, I wondered whether one of them might turn out to be my husband -- and I sat there thinking, 'I don't think he's here. I don't think he's here at all,'" Hannah wrote in her memoir God Bless This Mess: Learning to Live and Love Through Life's Best (and Worst) Moments, according to Insider.
Hannah, however, said wanted to please The Bachelorette producers and also felt pressure to tell viewers what they wanted to hear.
"When the cameras were rolling, I gave this speech saying the exact opposite of how I felt. I basically said I believed my husband was in the room," Hannah reportedly wrote.
Based on The Bachelorette's fifteenth-season premiere episode, Hannah did tell her Night 1 bachelors on the show, "I can see my husband in this room. It's so crazy!"
But Hannah wrote in her book that her declaration at the first cocktail party was edited.
Hannah reportedly wrote in her book that she actually told her cast, "I can see my husband being in this room."
Hannah recalled her phrasing being "safe middle ground" considering she had been thinking to herself, "I just don't think any of you guys are it for me."
Hannah also revealed that she only said "yes" to Jed's marriage proposal in the finale because she panicked.
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"I was caught up in the magic and the fantasy of it all when all of a sudden he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring, and I thought... No. I can't. This isn't what it is supposed to be like," Hannah shared in her book, Us Weekly reported.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW"I said yes anyway. It's hard to explain how conflicted I felt. Jed hadn't done anything wrong. I cared about him. And the engagement itself was dreamy -- but it wasn't necessarily my dream."
Hannah told Us in a recent interview that her biggest issue all season long was not trusting herself, which resulted in difficulty with decision-making.
"What you see kind of as a pattern in the book, like, if you don't really trust yourself [and] know yourself, then it's really hard to make decisions about love and relationships, especially in an intense amount of time," Hannah reasoned.
"In the first [chapter] of the book, I say I remember that first night being, like, 'He's not here.' And if I would have trusted that, if I would have been true to myself, I think it might've been different."
The former Alabama beauty queen and Dancing with the Stars winner also admitted the filming process was "exhausting" and "demanding" with many sleepless nights, which also impacted her ability to make sound decisions.
Hannah ultimately dumped Jed about a month after his marriage proposal because he had lied to her about his dating history.
Jed initially told Hannah that his pre-show romance with ex Haley Stevens ended one week before taping commenced, but Haley told People in June 2019 that Jed had left Nashville to film the show in March of that year still dating her.
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Jed apologized for his behavior multiple times on the finale and insisted he truly loved Hannah, but it just wasn't enough to convince Hannah to stay in the toxic relationship. The former couple apparently had problems even before the Haley incident occurred.
After Hannah called off her engagement to Jed, she asked Tyler out on a date on The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose.
While Hannah and Tyler spent one night together at Hannah's place in Los Angeles in August 2019, the former Florida general contractor moved on and began dating supermodel Gigi Hadid.
Hannah then hooked up with Peter again in February 2020 when they reunited at their mutual friends' engagement party and proceeded to quarantine with Tyler and his friends during the start of the coronavirus pandemic in March 2020.
Given Tyler allegedly wouldn't make a move on Hannah during the several weeks they had spent together, Hannah said she found their friendship to be confusing and heartbreaking.
But Hannah is now happily dating model Adam Woolard, whom she became romantically involved with in February 2021.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' COUPLES NOW: WHO DID 'THE BACHELOR' STARS AND THEIR BACHELORETTE PICKS ACTUALLY END UP MARRYING? (PHOTOS)
Hannah reportedly acknowledged it "definitely took a long time" for her to get over Tyler and Peter -- and to stop questioning how things may have played out differently had she not selected Jed at the end of her season.
"Another lesson I learned is you can't give your heart in pieces to people because then your heart's broken. Every guy kind of got a little piece of me," Hannah said.
"They had it, and [then] I had to rebuild it. It definitely took a while. It was all real feelings, but I think really knowing if those were like, you know, what was true to me was the thing that I had to uncover."
Hannah confirmed she is not "in a different chapter" of her life and no longer watches The Bachelor franchise.
"I will always be thankful for what that show has taught me [and for] some of the relationships and, obviously, the people who started following me and became fans of me through that show," Hannah told Us.
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"If it's meant for you, it will be there," Hannah concluded. "It definitely is a hard way to start a relationship, but I mean, there's obviously success stories that come with it too."
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
