Married at First Sight star Jacob Harder has explained why he brings up Haley Harris' lack of attraction to him so often given the topic clearly annoys his wife.
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But as the weeks progressed, Haley said she felt no connection to Jacob at all, and he couldn't help but harp on the negatives of their relationship given he was feeling rejected and undesired.
During the March 31 episode of Married at First Sight: Unfiltered, Jacob watched back a Season 12 clip of Haley and himself trying to enjoy their one-month wedding anniversary at a winery.
"I've never been with somebody that doesn't have any attraction to me, so it's very awkward for me to try to approach you and sort of woo you, knowing that. That's kind of why I feel like you look past me," Jacob tells Haley in the clip.
"I feel like we keep ending up back here," Haley complains.
"Mhmm, and I'm kind of done with it," Jacob responds. "There's no resolve. It's just like, 'Let's die a slow death and then we'll get divorced.' That's the reality of the situation."
Footage then shows Haley crying and saying, "I don't know where it's going to go from here. Honestly, like, I don't know how much I have left to give."
Unfiltered host Jamie Otis -- who starred on Season 1 of Married at First Sight -- pointed out, "Jake, this attraction issue comes up pretty much in your every conversation with Haley. Do you think it would help your relationship at all if you could focus on just getting to know each other without bringing this up every time?"
"The problem is she's gone as soon as we're done with our activities for the day," Jacob revealed.
"And then she starts to throw these other narratives at me like I'm not trying or something. It's like, you're telling me that you don't want heavy stuff and you don't want me to connect. You don't want that and then also that you're not attracted to me."
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Jacob continued, "It's like, well, how do I pivot and come at that in a way that's productive for us both, right?"
Jacob and Haley's Married at First Sight co-star Paige Banks also appeared on Unfiltered and offered her thoughts on Jacob bringing up the attraction issue so often.
"I can see a level of discomfort for both parties," Paige explained.
"I really believe attraction does grow over time. Sometimes you do have to peel back certain layers and just find some kind of common ground and common interests, and then other things can build that level of attraction for one another."
Jacob agreed "attraction is something that can build over time," but Haley was the one who "seemed very upfront about that."
"It's like, I don't really care," Jacob insisted. "I look like a cartoon caveman and that's cool with me, I'm comfortable with that. I'll find a cartoon cavewoman if I have to."
Jacob therefore clarified why he talked about Haley's lack of attraction to him so much.
"Because it's not something that I think shouldn't be discussed," Jacob acknowledged. "It's natural, so no big deal."
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"It'd be one thing if he's insecure," Paige said.
"It's not like I'm like, 'Oh, poor me, I'm ugly.' No, screw it. I don't care. It's no big deal," Jacob explained, suggesting he's confident he's attractive even though he's not to Haley.
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During a March episode of Unfiltered, Married at First Sight expert, Pastor Calvin Roberson, suggested Haley and Jacob needed to stop talking about attraction or else their marriage may never recover.
"Do you think Jacob and Haley are talking too much about this attraction issue?" Jamie asked Pastor Cal on the March 17 episode of Unfiltered.
"Oh God, absolutely. Yeah," Pastor Cal admitted.
"Look, at this stage in the relationship, everything doesn't need to be so freaking heavy. Have some fun! Forget that crap! Put it on a shelf and enjoy each other, and allow the good conversations to overtake the bad ones."
Pastor Cal added that Jacob needed to let loose and "let the wild man out" in order to bond with Haley, who said Jacob tended to pull her energy down and make her not want to be around him.
"I think he's a little afraid to be completely vulnerable and to be completely open and so he reverts back to those heavy issues," Pastor Cal reasoned at the time. "Be wild and crazy and laugh! I mean, it would take him so much further."
After Haley and Jacob's one-month anniversary, the couple tried to have some fun together and agreed to communicate better by sitting down for an hour-long conversation once a week.
Haley wanted Jacob to truly engage with her and seem more interested in her interests and passions by asking questions and being a good listener.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski