Married at First Sight star Paige Banks now feels she had fallen in love with the idea of marriage so much that she lost herself during the Married at First Sight process.
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During the March 31 episode of Married at First Sight: Unfiltered, host Jamie Otis -- who starred on Season 1 of Married at First Sight -- asked Paige what she's learned about herself through this extreme experiment.
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"The biggest lesson is you have to choose yourself," Paige revealed.
"I had fallen in love with the idea of marriage so much that I lost myself in this process. Reliving some of these moments is just kind of, like, more awareness for me in the future of things that I will and will not tolerate."
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Later in the Unfiltered broadcast, Paige watched back a Season 12 clip of herself spending the one-month anniversary of her marriage to Chris alone and newly-single.
"I wanted to be a wife more than anything, but I feel like everything happens for a reason," Paige laments in the clip.
"So this is probably for the best that we didn't make it to our one-month anniversary. I definitely still want love and marriage and kids and a family, and I definitely feel like those things are going to come in God's time."
Looking back on her wedding one month after saying, "I do," Paige shared, "It's bittersweet -- more bitter than sweet."
Paige laughed and continued, "I really, really wanted this, and it didn't happen for me. But that doesn't mean that it's not going to happen in the future. So I'm just trying to be hopeful for what's to come."
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Paige was able to watch her wedding video on her one-month anniversary, but it apparently didn't change her feelings about being married to Chris at all.
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"I think that we have given it all we can and, you know, fought a good fight," Paige noted.
"I think it's best that we just take time for healing and self-reflection so we can grow and prepare and position ourselves to be the right partner for the next person. I think that's all we can do at this point."
Once Chris and Paige decided to let each other go and call it quits on their relationship, Paige explained, "I'm filled with a lot of weird emotions and thoughts right now -- a lot of heavy emotions and disappointment."
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"I think for somebody that came here with very pure intentions that really desired marriage, I took a big leap of faith and everything you do in life is a risk, but I wish it would've been a different tune I would be singing right now. But this is my current reality," she concluded.
Paige and Chris' relationship was plagued with issues from the very start.
Not only did Chris admit he wasn't attracted to Paige on their wedding day -- and still proceeded to have sex with her twice in 24 hours -- but he appeared to learn on the first day of his honeymoon that his ex-fiancee Mercedes Myrick was expecting his first child. (Chris and Mercedes broke off their engagement only three months before Chris decided to marry a stranger).
Chris confessed to Paige during their trip to Las Vegas that he still loved his ex and considered getting back together with her, and then when the pair returned to Atlanta, GA, Chris asked Paige for a divorce.
However, Chris continued to flirt with Paige and lead her on, and he suddenly changed his mind about divorce when he agreed to go on dates with Paige to bond and hopefully get to know her better.
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After several occasions in which Paige and Chris ate dinner or did an activity together, Chris ultimately determined Paige was not a good communicator given she had ignored some of his phone calls.
Chris noted "it shouldn't be so hard" to communicate with somebody in a marriage, and he told his wife, "I don't think we are doing a good job at being spouses."
Paige said she was frustrated because Chris always seemed ready to shut the door on her and she had given their marriage her very best effort.
"For you to say I'm not meeting your emotional needs, where were you when I needed you emotionally?" Paige asked her husband, referencing the difficult time Chris had put her through regarding his relationship with Mercedes.
"We are legally bound to each other," she added. "I at least expect that kind of respect, to see this process through."
Paige felt disrespected and vented to the cameras about how she's a busy woman with things to do and errands to run and she shouldn't be expected to drop everything immediately once Chris calls or reaches out.
"There's no connection. I don't have a connection with you," Chris told Paige. "We are 100 percent emotionally disconnected. I am out, gone. Mentally I am gone."
Chris added, "In another time zone, I'm gone. I want to be in a serious relationship, a serious marriage... It's been a week since we had that last conversation, and we are still in the same place."
Paige then burst into tears and cried about how she felt "disturbed" because she had been taking the Married at First Sight process very seriously.
During the latest Season 12 broadcast, Paige revealed Chris had once again asked her for a divorce and she was trying to work on loving herself and picking up the pieces of her failed marriage.
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However, a preview of Decision Day aired on Married at First Sight: The Journey So Far and showed Chris telling the experts he and Paige were still "undecided" about whether to stay married or get a divorce.
The conversation clearly indicates Paige and Chris opted to give their relationship another shot at some point after Chris asked for a divorce for the second time.
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