Olivia Caridi: I was suicidal and depressed after 'The Bachelor,' producer manipulated and lied to me

Olivia Caridi is opening up about alleged producer manipulation and bullying on The Bachelor that resulted in her contemplating suicide in early 2016.


Olivia, who competed on Season 20 of The Bachelor starring Ben Higgins, talked to the Los Angeles Times' Amy Kaufman -- who wrote the book Bachelor Nation -- about feeling depressed and suicidal after her appearance on the ABC reality dating series.

"It took me so long to get over the whole thing. I was messed up for a long time after that," Olivia said during an episode of her Mouthing Off with Olivia Caridi podcast.

RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW: WHOM DID 'THE BACHELORETTE' STARS AND THEIR BACHELOR PICKS ULTIMATELY END UP WITH?! (PHOTOS)

Olivia later elaborated, "I was suicidal. I've had depression my entire life. When the show was airing, I was getting messages saying I should kill myself, and, you know, 'You're not worthy of living.'"


Olivia, a news anchor at the time of her show appearance, started strong on The Bachelor having received Ben's First Impression Rose and then several Group-Date roses thereafter.

But the blonde beauty came across overly aggressive and confident, rubbing her fellow bachelorettes the wrong way and often offending them with comments they viewed as rude or condescending -- like when she told single mom Amanda Stanton listening to her stories was like watching an episode of MTV's Teen Mom.

Olivia, however, just insisted she was head over heels for Ben and very focused on winning his heart. She cried at The Women Tell All special about how she never intended to hurt anyone or come across so badly.

Criticism, gossip and hate affected Olivia so much after the show that she revealed she had asked The Bachelor to cover her mental-health expenses.

"I was calling The Bachelor people being like, 'You're paying for my therapy and all this stuff because this is your fault.' They didn't [pay for it]. They made sure Dr. Selden called me every once in a while to make sure I was still alive," Olivia said, referencing Dr. Catherine Selden, the show's resident psychiatrist.


Because Olivia was so disliked in the house during her time on The Bachelor, the women talked about her behind her back and poked fun at her appearance. Olivia was torn apart for her breasts and alleged ugly toes and bad breath.

RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' COUPLES NOW: WHO DID 'THE BACHELOR' STARS AND THEIR BACHELORETTE PICKS ACTUALLY END UP WITH? (PHOTOS)

Olivia was already dealing with noticeably-strange insecurities such as the look of her legs and "cankles."

"I really, truly felt bullied on the show," Olivia told Amy.

Olivia also claimed she was incredibly let down and hurt by a show producer named Caitlin, whom she mistakenly trusted whole-heartedly.


"I thought she was my best friend in the world. Come to hear, a lot of the girls, when they were in their [producer interviews] and the producers were trying to get them to talk sh-t about me, Caitlin would say things like, 'God, isn't she so annoying?'" Olivia recalled.

Olivia also said producers would manipulate her into doing things that eventually shaped her villainous edit on The Bachelor.

For instance, Olivia alleged, "At the time, my producer would be like, 'Hey, Ben asked us to ask you if you'll grab him first.' So, I'd be like, 'Oh! Yeah, sure, whatever. Fine.' In hindsight, he probably never cared or even asked for me to grab him first."

As fans of the franchise are well aware, a girl who grabs The Bachelor first at a cocktail party or group date is often viewed in a negative light as being selfish or inconsiderate.

Olivia also apparently had trouble landing a job after the show, as one new organization admitted she'd be a "PR nightmare" for them.


RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOW: WHOM DID 'THE BACHELORETTE' STARS AND THEIR BACHELOR PICKS ULTIMATELY END UP WITH?! (PHOTOS)

"I know that this is their job," Olivia noted on her podcast. "And I get it. But I ask myself all the time, 'How do they sleep at night?'"

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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski