Rachel Lindsay nearly had a panic attack before joining her ex-boyfriends onstage for The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All.

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"Heading into the evening I was TERRIFIED! Not because I didn't want to see these guys that made this journey so incredible. I mean, I felt so lucky with the men who came on this adventure with me," Rachel wrote in her People blog.

"I really had an amazing group of guys, but breaking up with people you care about is really hard. I hadn't seen or talked to any of the men since saying goodbye to them, so I had no idea what to expect."

Rachel admitted she "wasn't thrilled" to see every single one of the guys -- likely referring to Lucas "Whaboom" Yancey and Lee Garrett -- but as a whole, she loved her group of Season 13 bachelors.

"Naturally there were some things I expected to happen at The Bachelorette: Men Tell All, like the chance to catch up with these guys and have us clear the air on a couple of things. Something you all might not know is that I don't actually get to watch what happens onstage," Rachel explained.

Before Rachel joined The Bachelorette host Chris Harrison in the hotseat, the suitors got into heated conversations about racism and sexism. Lee and Kenny Layne went at it until they finally came to a resolution, and Dean Unglert discussed how the timing of his elimination left him confused and wanting answers.

"The first time I see these guys is when I walk out onto the stage, surrounded by people, bright lights and, of course, Chris Harrison. So watching back I was just as excited to see what I had missed while I was sweatin' it backstage, stress-eating out of a candy bowl in the green room!" Rachel revealed.

"I have to be honest; I was pretty nervous about seeing [Dean]. I wasn't sure how our reunion would go because the week I said goodbye to him was the same week I told him I was falling in love."

Rachel said her breakup with Dean reminded her of how The Bachelor star Nick Viall had said goodbye to her in Finland following the overnight Fantasy Suite dates.

"I know firsthand how confusing and heartbreaking that position can be. I expected Dean to question why I sent him home after saying that I was falling in love with him," Rachel admitted.

"I know my love for Dean was real, and I will always cherish my time with him. I felt Dean open himself up and grow immensely over the time which we spent together. I never questioned or doubted his feelings for me."

Rachel has said that letting Dean go had nothing to do with his unconventional family.

"When it came down to finding my partner and husband in this journey, I felt like his personal path wasn't quite ready for marriage. Dean will make a woman very happy one day," Rachel wrote, "and I truly wish him nothing but the best life and love has to offer."


About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski

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