The Bachelor star Ben Higgins has owned up to why he chose Emily Ferguson over Olivia Caridi on the two-on-one date in The Bahamas. 

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Going into the two-on-one date, Higgins was already confused about Caridi because when he confronted her before the Rose Ceremony when Jennifer Saviano went home, she basically agreed she didn't get along with the other women and just explained why that was the case. Higgins found some "alarming things" during their conversation, mainly when she described her differences from the other bachelorettes.

"I could see how those statements could be hurtful and condescending to the other women. That she felt herself on a level above them or looked down upon them. And it made me wonder if there was more to Olivia thinking of herself as intimidating than just being a woman I had singled out as a 'front-runner,'" Higgins wrote in his People blog, explaining however, that he hates the term "front-runner" because it turns his genuine desire to find love with the right woman into a competition someone can win.

"But when all of this was said and done, what I knew is that I didn't yet know enough. I didn't want to make a rash, emotional decision. I had two big fears (amongst many others) coming into this: One was having the wool pulled over my eyes and having a woman make me fall in love with a person that she really wasn't; the second was saying goodbye to someone that I could really see a future with too soon and regretting it. On this night I was being confronted with both."

Higgins therefore kept Caridi in the running for his heart because he felt the need to respect his feelings for her and trust his gut when he had decided to give her a rose in the first place.

"I mean, I would hate to send a woman as amazing as Olivia home simply because she was misunderstood by a group of women also dating the same guy as her. But I won't lie and say that my guard was definitely up at this point and my eyes open," Higgins admitted.

Higgins then set up Caridi with her archnemesis in the house, Ferguson, who was the first person to voice complaints about the blonde news anchor to the Bachelor. He understood the idea of a two-on-one date with one rose at stake was probably "an awful thought" for the women, but at the same time, he was nearing his "emotional breaking point."

"I knew Olivia and Emily had issues with each other, and I thought the best way to make a decision was to have a true side-by-side comparison of my feelings for each of them and make a final decision. It was important to me that this was not about Olivia vs. Emily though. It was going to be about Ben and Olivia and Ben and Emily. Nothing more. And I knew those two women would respect that," Higgins explained.

For their date, Higgins and the girls took a boat ride in The Bahamas to a private beach, where the Bachelor had a private conversation with each bachelorette in order to determine who should stay and who should go.

"My conversation with Olivia there reminded me what I liked about her. She was sweet and confident and poised. She put her heart on the table and I can't tell you how much that means to me. But she told me that she loved me in that moment. And those are very serious words to me. Very serious. The second she said them I fell into myself and started examining how I really felt for Olivia. Whether or not I felt like I could say those words back," he explained in his blog.

"Talking with Emily after that I really remembered what I liked about her though as well. I just can't sit with Emily and not smile. She's so endearing and so honest and fun it just is impossible not to. But on top of that, what she was telling me was very meaningful. Sometimes with how fun Emily is, it's easy to dismiss how emotionally intelligent and self-aware that she is. That she knows she has a lot of growth left and that she wants me by her side as she grows as a person really meant a lot to me."

Higgins couldn't get Caridi's love admission out of his mind. While he was certain he wasn't in love with her yet, he contemplated whether he could be down the road.

"Even if I took away all the controversy of last week in Mexico and disregarded the previous red flags that didn't come to my attention until much later, I just couldn't see myself as her husband... I knew then that Olivia was not the one for me. And I owed it to her to tell her that right then and there," Higgins confessed.

However, it's important to him that people don't judge Caridi for being a person she's not.

"I want to stress... [after] hearing all the criticism and actually KNOWING Olivia from personal experience rather than watching her from afar, she really is a good person with a huge heart," Higgins insisted.

"Far from perfect like myself? Absolutely. And I am sure there are some mistakes she would admit to and things she would do differently if she had the chance to go back. But she did it all in an effort to find true love. She may not always say the perfect thing, but when you really get to know her, she is a great woman that I will always be grateful to have met."
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski

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