The Bachelor star Chris Soules admits he was bothered by the fact there were two very different sides of Jade Roper and both were an extreme version of her real self.
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"Talking to her family, I realized very quickly that I didn't really know the real Jade... I've said before that I want some edge in my future wife. I love to unleash and let go and have fun. But that was basically the opposite of the Jade I'd seen up until that point. The Jade I knew was quiet, shy, almost meek," Soules wrote in his People blog.
"I was intrigued by what her family was saying, but almost disturbed by the fact that the Jade I knew was so different from what they were describing. I was also a bit disturbed by her brother Zach's concern about Jade's willingness to move back to a small town. I hadn't really questioned that about Jade, but I started feeling like there was this whole side to her that I didn't know about."
Later that night, Roper revealed she had previously modeled nude for Playboy magazine. Soules never saw that coming nor did he anticipate Roper even having the guts to do something like that.
"When she started sharing that she had something to tell me, my mind immediately went to the worst. I was almost relieved when she revealed that she'd done some nude modeling. When she offered to show me the photos, I really didn't know what to say. A big part of me did not want to see that, but knowing that it was important to her for me to see it with her, I reluctantly obliged; it was extremely uncomfortable, though," he explained.
While he was a little shocked by Roper's news, Soules insisted he wouldn't judge people based on their past nor would he refuse to date a girl because of it.
"Let's be honest, there are things in my past that I'm not proud of. If Jade was my soul mate and 'the one,' I would never let that come between us. The words I said to Jade were true. Seeing those photos did not change how I felt about her. But how I felt about her after meeting all the girls' families was just not strong enough to move our relationship to the next level," the Bachelor said.
Viewers saw Soules break down and cry for the first time this season when he sent Roper home. Both individuals got very emotional.
"As you saw, saying goodbye to Jade was extremely painful. I didn't realize it would hit me so hard. I was starting to fall in love with her, for sure. But I was also starting to fall in love with the other three women...," Soules wrote.
"It's confusing and painful and exciting at the same time. Saying goodbye to Jade broke my heart. I will always care about her and always know that in another lifetime we could have been in love with each other. But our connection just wasn't as deep as the others. I felt like we were always playing catch-up."
Soules said Roper opened up to him as much as she could but it still wasn't enough.
"I needed more from her -- especially since the other women were so vocal about their feelings. But in that moment, I really felt like I could have been making a terrible decision because it hurt so much. I clearly couldn't hold back the tears," said the 33-year-old farmer.
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
