The Bachelor: The Women Tell All viewers witnessed Chris Soules sweating bullets during his time in the hotseat, but the Season 19 star was even worse off than he appeared.
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"I had no idea it would be more nerve-racking than I could have ever imagined. Have you ever been confronted by 17 of your ex-girlfriends? Yeah, didn't think so! It was rough!" Soules wrote in his People blog.
Before certain women confronted Soules about their feelings, the bachelorettes attacked each other in what turned out to be one of the most dramatic Women Tell All specials ever.
"These women really went after each other. It was eye-opening seeing all of that, especially because most of the time during the course of the season I really had no idea what these women were saying to each other when I wasn't around. I mean, I knew there was friction between [Britt Nilsson] and [Carly Waddell], but I really had no idea it was that bad," the Bachelor said.
"Whose side am I on? No way am I going to choose a side; I refuse to get in the middle of that one!"
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He continued: "[And] I don't think [Kelsey Poe] is a bad person. Did she use her story to maneuver herself a little here and there? Yeah, probably. But she's also been through so much that I don't think I can possibly understand how I would respond in her situation... I guess I just choose to give her the benefit of the doubt, no matter what anyone says."
Soules also offered up the fact he still thinks Ashley Salter is "beautiful" yet "a little crazy" with many layers in between -- like an onion, or pomegranate? He called her "a great girl."
And then it became time for Soules to talk with Chris Harrison.
"Backstage, I was sweating it pretty good. I remember taking a couple extra breaths before I went out there, knowing how hard it was going to be to see all those women there. And when Britt came up and sat down next to me, I knew things were about to get very real. Could you see me sweating? I was sweating!" Soules wrote.
When his "favorite girl from Canada" Kaitlyn Bristowe got her turn, Soules admitted his sweating turned into "something more like a deluge." He dumped the 29-year-old dance-instructing bachelorette pretty much right after their overnight fantasy-suite date.
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"I did my best to explain why I let her go that day in Bali, but I was just grasping for words, thoughts, anything. 'Throwing darts at a dartboard in the dark?' I don't even know what that means! I just know saying goodbye to Kaitlyn was brutal. We had an undeniable connection from the very beginning, and saying goodbye to Kaitlyn was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do," Soules explained.
"When I woke up that morning after spending the night with Kaitlyn in the Fantasy Suite, I could not have imagined a scenario where I would be sending her home at the end of the week. It simply was not a consideration. But somehow, at the end of the week, my feelings for the other women were simply stronger."
The Bachelor has certainly made his vote for the next The Bachelorette star known.
"Kaitlyn is beautiful, smart, strong and sensitive. Any man would be lucky to win her heart. I know a lot of people think she should be the next Bachelorette. If she is, there will be some lucky guys pulling up in the limos that first night," he noted.
And then just when Soules thought he was in the clear, Jade Roper came out swinging. She revealed to the Bachelor on the show she had modeled nude for Playboy in the past only to be dumped by him shortly afterwards. She was eliminated following her hometown date.
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"So continued the sweatfest. It was so hard watching [Jade] so tearful... I'm truly sorry I didn't choose my words more carefully," Soules said, referring to how he had recently described certain events with the bachelorette as "awkward" or "disturbing."
"When I finally got backstage after The Women Tell All, I just sat down and poured myself a drink. I needed it. Those women did not hold back, and nothing could have prepared me for that. While I was sitting there sipping my whiskey, the publicists kept asking me if I was ready to do a few interviews, and all I kept saying was, 'Give me a few more minutes,'" Soules wrote in his blog.
"Eventually I gathered myself, finished my drink and headed in to meet the press. The women gave me their best shots, and, while a few of them stung, I eventually recovered."
The Bachelor's Season 19 finale will air with a three-hour event on Monday, March 9 at 8PM ET/PT on ABC.
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski