The Bachelorette alum Kaitlyn Bristowe has opened up about how she's "terrified" to have children amid her split from ex-fiance Jason Tartick.
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While touching upon her "painful"broken engagement to Jason and having to navigate their split with concerned and demanding social-media followers, Kaitlyn mentioned how she's afraid to bring a child into this world.
"This is a very deep conversation and deep question, but I have a huge fear of having kids because all of this, because of what life could look like in 10 years, with all the things we're talking about," Kaitlyn, 38, told marriage and family therapist Jenny Wise Black on the podcast, referencing their earlier discussion about children using social media too young and how many people have become obsessed with technology and public perception.
"And I always thought having a family would be, 'I can't wait. I want to be a mom,' all these things. And each year that goes on, I get more and more terrified to have kids."
The Season 11 The Bachelorette star continued, "And then there's shame around that too. Because how could you not want to? That's what you are born to do, is procreate, and to do this. And you know, the shame around all that with not having kids."
Kaitlyn acknowledged how she tends to share everything with her online community and therefore has an internal battle when she wants to keep something in her personal life private.
Jenny advised Kaitlyn to "go dark" and heal after her split from Jason, explaining that her real fans will understand and support her.
And Kaitlyn, did in fact, reveal on social media on August 6 how she'll be taking a break from posting content.
In regards to her children using phones, the Internet and social media, Kaitlyn noted, "I, of course, want to lead by example. And that's such a huge part of parenting. Again, this all goes back to it's probably not even -- I know the answer."
The Bachelor alum concluded, "It's probably I'm worried about what people on social media are going to say about a girl who's single again and 38, not having a family."
Back in June 2022, Kaitlyn told Us Weekly that she and Jason planned to start trying for a baby right after their wedding.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOWAt the time, the couple was planning a New Year's Eve 2022 wedding, but Kaitlyn admitted she was "most excited to be starting a family."
"I would probably do that now," Kaitlyn said of having a baby, "but Jason's more on the traditional side and says we have to get married first."
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The Season 29 Dancing with the Stars champion therefore confirmed she and Jason would be on "the fast-track" to family planning after saying, "I do."
"It's been a way longer engagement than I thought. I remember we got engaged in May [2021] and we were like, 'Okay, we'll do it in May of next year.' And now we're in June and I'm like, 'Holy crap, that happened so fast,'" Kaitlyn told Us.
"So I think we're enjoying the engagement and we'll do a little fast-track to fam."
But Kaitlyn and the "Trading Secrets" podcast host, who began dating in January 2019, never followed through with planning a wedding, which raised eyebrows and eventually prompted breakup speculation.
Once the pair publicly confirmed their "heartbreaking" split on August 6, Kaitlyn asked for prayers and privacy via Instagram Stories, and Jason called his ex a "beautiful person" whom he admires.
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Kaitlyn was then approached by TMZ at the Los Angeles International Airport on August 8, and she confirmed that her breakup from Jason was mutual and they're both doing okay. She also said they will both co-parent their two beloved dogs, Pino and Ramen.
Breakup rumors began to swirl in July because Kaitlyn and Jason hadn't posted anything about each other on Instagram for about a month. Jason also took a solo trip to see his mother in New York last week, and he posted photos with his dogs during a fun day out in Nashville -- but Kaitlyn didn't participate.
And when Instagram users flooded The Bachelorette alums' comments with questions and concerns about the status of their relationship, neither Kaitlyn or Jason responded.
Kaitlyn fueled speculation her romance was on the rocks -- or over completely -- when she took to Instagram Stories on August 1 with an angry message.
"I cannot believe the audacity of people to expect things from me when I haven't even been able to process things for myself," Kaitlyn wrote, according to Us.
Needing to "process things" seemed to suggest she and Jason had split up and called off their engagement.
The former The Bachelorette co-host continued, "Have a f-cking heart. You're scaring me with your comments and demands. I'm almost worried about YOU."
Kaitlyn quickly deleted the post, but screenshots of it still exist online and in her "Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe" podcast group on Facebook.
Kaitlyn subsequently uploaded a permanent post on Instagram featuring lyrics to her 2020 song "If I'm Being Honest."
Kaitlyn highlighted the following lyrics: "Just 'cause I'm an open book / Don't mean you get the whole story."
She continued, "And if I'm being honest / I'm not always as tough as I seem / And I can have my moments / But words can get the best of me / And the words that I say to myself / Are the ones that hit the hardest."
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And in July, Kaitlyn suddenly got three tattoos to represent her "what is my life" era, and she was spotted without her engagement ring on a beach vacation.
While Kaitlyn and Jason breakup rumors were circulating, Kaitlyn's first fiance, her The Bachelorette 11 winner Shawn Booth, announced he's going to be a dad with a woman named Audrey "Dre" Joseph, who had taken professional and promotional photos of him and is a member at his gym.
Kaitlyn and Shawn were together for about three years and announced their split in November 2018.
Jason, who initially competed for Becca Kufrin's heart on The Bachelorette's fourteenth season in 2018, asked Kaitlyn out on their first date in January 2019, and their romance moved quickly.
Jason moved from his place in Seattle, WA, to live with Kaitlyn in Nashville, TN, in June 2019, and then the couple adopted their two dogs together. In Spring 2021, Jason popped the question.
Earlier this year, Kaitlyn explained in the media how she and Jason had been distracted when it came to wedding planning and were in no rush to exchange vows.
When asked about her nuptials on the February 5 episode of "The Most Dramatic Podcast Ever with Chris Harrison," Kaitlyn confessed with a laugh, "We suck."
"Honestly, any time we sit down to talk about [the wedding], we literally want to do something else," Kaitlyn said of her former dynamic with Jason at their home in Nashville.
"And that sounds so terrible because it should be a priority, but it doesn't feel like one -- and we're both okay with that."
Chris, who hosted The Bachelor franchise for nearly two decades, assured his friend, "That's all that matters," and Kaitlyn agreed.
"I feel like there's so much noise, like, 'Why aren't you guys talking about the wedding? Why is there not a wedding happening?!'" Kaitlyn shared.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
