The Bachelorette alum Xavier Bonner has spoken out about his tense and awkward exit from Charity Lawson's season.
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"I never would've guessed that one DM asking me if I was ready to find love would take me on such an intense journey of self-discovery."
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELOR' FRANCHISE COUPLES NOW: WHO IS STILL TOGETHER?? (PHOTOS)
Xavier's "one DM" revelation would appear to suggest The Bachelorette producers had reached out to him and recruited him for the Season 20 cast.
"For the first time in my life," Xavier penned, "I let go of the facts and figures to instead focus on letting my feelings lead the way. The process wasn't easy but it's been immensely eye-opening."
Xavier went on to address Charity directly, writing, "To Charity: Thank you for always creating space for me to open up and step outside of my comfort zone as well as for being willing to have tough, raw conversations that pushed me to think more deeply."
"You deserve everything and more and I wish you the best in finding your forever person," he added.
Xavier admitted "it's never easy" to share "the worst parts" of yourself "with someone you love (let alone the world!)."
Xavier continued, "But honesty and accountability are necessary for growth. This journey was all about vulnerability and although I may not have always been as clear or eloquent in expressing myself as I would've liked to be, I'm forever grateful for this experience."
Xavier said his time on The Bachelorette was "the ultimate experiment in love" for him.
"And while all experiments leave me with unforgettable lessons, this one in particular has also better prepared me to move through life with more self-awareness," Xavier noted.
"I know there's lots more learning, more healing, and more work to do and I'm looking forward to becoming the best version of myself," he concluded.
RELATED LINK: 'THE BACHELORETTE' COUPLES NOWOn The Bachelorette's latest Season 20 episode that aired August 7 on ABC, Xavier dropped a bombshell on Charity in Fiji that he had been unfaithful -- multiple times -- in his most recent relationship, which lasted well over two years.
Charity, having been in a self-described "toxic" six-year relationship in which the man had repeatedly cheated on her, understandably felt triggered. She immediately got upset and emotional, before demanding answers.
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Xavier claimed he had done some introspective work post-cheating, but he was unable to reassure Charity that he'd never cheat on her if they ended up together. His heart and his head were at odds over whether The Bachelorette process was going to work for him.
Xavier insisted he'd never want to hurt Charity and he'd always be honest with her, but The Bachelorette star could tell that the suitor was doubting himself and whether he could commit to -- and truly be loyal to -- one woman for the rest of his life.
Xavier didn't seem convinced that he could be the future husband Charity deserves.
Charity, no longer willing to accept vague promises, then asked the bachelor point blank if he could "show up" for her and make their relationship work after the show, no matter what.
And Xavier confessed that in order for him to get to that point, he needed to spend more time with Charity and see more from her.
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"Us in a bedroom is not going to determine whether you can see longevity in a relationship. No, f-ck this. I'm so mad," Charity said, before later added, "I'm not here to fix anyone. I'm not here to build a man. This isn't Build-A-Man Workshop."
Since Xavier couldn't convince Charity that he wouldn't repeat the mistakes of his past, Charity eliminated him during the dinner portion of their date in Fiji in third place, before they could even enjoy the overnight part of their Fantasy Suite date.
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Charity was devastated once she sent Xavier packing, and it appeared the bachelor was also caught off-guard and didn't have enough time to wrap his mind around the fact he had just lost the woman he was falling in love with.
The 27-year-old biomedical scientist from Carrboro, NC, said in his final words, "I know that I just hurt her so much. That woman put her heart on the line every single day, and I doubted myself and us, and I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have doubted it."
The next morning, however, Charity woke up feeling refreshed and confident in her other two connections with Dotun Olubeko and Joey Graziadei, both of whom she realized she was "in love" with by the end of Fantasy Suites.
And Aaron Bryant, whom Charity had ousted after her Final 4 men's hometown dates, traveled all the way to Fiji for closure or, better yet, another chance with The Bachelorette star.
Aaron told the cameras that Charity was worth fighting for, and Charity was blown away by the bold gesture.
After the episode aired, Charity told Entertainment Weekly that she was "extremely proud" of herself for how she had handled her breakup with Xavier, and she also told The Hollywood Reporter that she has no regrets.
"I would not go back and change anything," Charity said, adding how she and Xavier simply aren't meant to be.
"And I personally don't wish that we would have ended up together because I don't think that would have been a very healthy or successful relationship."
The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All is set to air Monday, August 14, and then next week, fans will be able to see whether Charity welcomed Aaron back into the competition.
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Click here to read spoilers about Charity's The Bachelorette season and who Charity picked as her winner.
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About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski
