'The Bachelorette' star Andi Dorfman on Josh Murray split: I'm not doing well but we had struggled for a while, this was my life's biggest failure

The Bachelorette star Andi Dorfman is nearly crumbling to pieces after her split from ex-fiance Josh Murray, and she's still unable to pinpoint why exactly their strong love fell apart.


Dorfman was given a segment during Chris Soules' special The Bachelor broadcast Sunday night entitled Chris Tells All to discuss why her engagement was called off and how she's been doing ever since. Dorfman sat down with Chris Harrison for a personal and heartfelt interview during which she cried the entire time.

When asked how she's been coping since the breakup, Dorfman confessed in tears, "Obviously not very well. It's been a tough month, I guess you could say."

Dorfman, 27, and Murray, 30, got engaged in May 2014 although the proposal didn't air on The Bachelorette until July of that year.

The couple later announced their split on January 8, 2015 although putting up a united front at The Bachelor's Season 19 live-premiere event only a few days earlier, when Harrison had asked the seemingly happy couple about marriage without knowing their relationship was on the rocks.


"There was nothing official before [that premiere]," Dorfman said. "Obviously to make the decision to end an engagement doesn't just happen overnight. It wasn't just a one-night thing. So we had definitely been struggling. We had struggled for a while. We definitely did. Yeah."

Dorfman said the decision to end their relationship was "pretty mutual" but she still can't put her finger on what exactly went wrong between them.

"We went to the live premiere and I think hearing people ask about wedding dates and even seeing the other happy couples and people planning weddings, we actually had to, like, ask ourselves, 'Why are we not planning a wedding? Let's just be honest -- why is it that we don't have a date? People who got engaged after us have a date.' I don't know. For me, that trip was very eye-opening," Dorfman explained.

"We were both very aware of the fact that we just didn't better each other. I didn't feel supported and empowered and I don't think I gave him that support and empowerment that he needed. When you have two very passionate, very strong personalities in one house and nobody can back down and nobody is the calming force for one another, it's a lot of emotion and it's a lot of tension in one house."

When Dorfman selected Murray at the conclusion of The Bachelorette's tenth season, she said she was absolutely convinced she had found the love of her life.


"I didn't even 'think.' I 'knew.' I didn't think I had found the one. I didn't think I had found my soul mate. I knew. I was 100% sure. I knew," Dorfman said. "Even after the crew packed up and left, I just remembered we had the house and we just couldn't get away from each other. We just laughed and had fun and cooked and I knew I had made the right decision. It just reaffirmed that that was the right decision."

Dorfman became increasingly more emotional as she reminisced about the happy times she had with Murray.

"It's almost hard to even talk about it because I can envision sitting on his lap and laughing and kissing him and not caring that people were always jokingly sickened about how much in love we were," she told Harrison. "I was never that person that people were like, 'Oh my God, you two lovebirds!' But I was with Josh. I was finally that person that people looked at and said, 'Look how in love they are! Look how great they are!'"

Both individuals apparently fought hard to save their relationship.

"Yeah, I think both of us did. I think Josh fought for it too. I mean, we loved each other and I think knowing what we felt for one another probably makes it that much harder not being together now," Dorfman said. "It's all sad. I guess that's the overwhelming feeling for me, it's just sad."


Dorfman couldn't deny the fact she's still in love with Murray.

"I'll always love him. I've never loved anybody like that in my life. I never, ever even experienced love like that. I mean, I will always, always have a love for him. That was my first true love, without a doubt -- and my first heartbreak. True heartbreak," she admitted.

The pair has "not really" talked since they called it quits, which Dorfman finds hard but necessary.

"Knowing my personality and knowing his personality, there's a lot of emotion there, so it's hard to keep a positive, healthy relationship going on now," said told Harrison. "Both of us get kind of upset about each other's actions and we're -- it's just not a healthy place right now. There is so much hurt between him and I, and sadness."

As for what's next, Dorfman doesn't have things figured out.


"I don't know," she confessed in tears. "I think I have to be realistic and say I'm heartbroken. It's not fun to admit necessarily, but I am and this happened and I know this is -- honestly -- the biggest failure of my life so far. I understand that; I know that."

Harrison insisted it wasn't a failure on her, but she disagreed.

"I guess it just feels like that for me," Dorfman suggested. "I feel bad. I feel like I disappointed people and it breaks my heart to know, like, people rooted for us. And I feel bad that it didn't work out. Even though it's hard and I sit here and cry, I am truly grateful. My life changed forever and I just feel grateful to be a part of everything."

Dorfman revealed it's likely she and Josh will talk in the future but far from likely they will ever get back together. However, a friendship may be a possibility once time passes and both parties can heal.

"Yeah, I would hope so. And I do think part of the thing is we are very similar. It's part of the reason it didn't work, but I do think there's a possibility to be friends with him," Dorfman explained.


"He's a huge part of my life and he's always going to be. I don't want to look back on that part of my life with any regret or disappointment or anger. I want to look back and be like, 'You know, it didn't work out, but I still care for him, and I'm always going to care for him.'"






About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski