Tori Spelling has opened up about why she decided to document her husband Dean McDermott's painful cheating scandal on television.
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McDermott, 49, had cheated on the 42-year-old True Tori star back in December 2013 while away on a business trip to promote his gig as host of Chopped Canada. Once McDermott came clean about his infidelity, a devastated Spelling contemplated leaving her husband, while he hit rock bottom, sought rehab for depression and substance abuse, and even threatened suicide at one point.
Two seasons of the couple's reality series True Tori in 2014 basically served as raw on-camera therapy. Spelling told Lena Dunham for her "Lenny Letter" newsletter that she exposed what life was like as she picked up the pieces of her marriage because she "felt backed into a corner."
"Like I didn't have a choice. Everything about me was stripped away with one magazine cover. That was it," Spelling said, referencing the Us Weekly issue that shattered her world.
"I always say I can replay everything that happened during that time. The hardest part about it was, like, 'You're really going to put this on the cover of the magazine three days before Christmas? It's Christmas. It's family. I know we're in Hollywood, and I know we put a lot of ourselves out there, but really, we do this?'"
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"Then when it came out. I didn't know what to do. This wasn't going away," she continued.
"Everyone said, 'This happens all the time. Look at all the A-list celebrities. They used to complain about it. Then they go on and do a big movie and it just goes away.' That's not my life. That's not my relationship with my fans. I'm not the type that can just go from talking about everything and then it's like, 'No personal questions,' the next time I do something."
Regardless of how McDermott felt about blasting their love story -- or rather, their demise -- on True Tori, it was ultimately Spelling's decision.
"This was affecting me on many levels, not just the personal level. This is my career; this is, I hate saying it, my brand. All the lines blurred at that point. I obviously ran it by Dean, and if he had been adamant that he didn't want to do it, I would not have done it. I would have respected that. He just said, 'Do what you have to do.' I said, 'Will you be a part of it?' He was at that point where he just was at the lowest point," Spelling explained.
"He was in rehab, and he was just like, 'I f-cked up. I'll do whatever I have to do to maintain our relationship.' It obviously became something that he was like, 'I don't want to do this anymore,' but at first, he said, 'Yes, that's fine with me.'"
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Spelling didn't acknowledge whether she regrets her choice, but she feel bad McDermott got "such a bad rap" from starring on a reality show for so long. At this point, he has trouble finding work and being taken seriously.
"I feel like I tied him into that world, and I feel guilty. All of a sudden, he became Mr. Tori Spelling, and it makes me sad because I don't know what would have happened for him," she confessed.
Also in her interview with Dunham, the daughter of late TV mogul Aaron Spelling revealed what's next for her in life.
"I feel like my life is completely out there and I keep putting myself at the forefront because I have to. I don't have that opportunity right now yet to create a show and not have myself in it, because that's what sells currently. I want to get to the next level where I'm not in it. I don't want to be out there talking about my life and showing my life," Spelling said.
"I want to be producing others and be behind the camera, be at home, be with my kids, and have a production company. I want to be creating for other people and bringing them up the way I saw my dad do so much for so many other people. I haven't been able to do that because I'm so busy having to prove myself that I have to put myself in front. I don't want to be in front anymore. I want to be behind."
About The Author: Elizabeth Kwiatkowski