The Simple Life 1 - Episode 5 Summary

'Stealing for a Living' By StarryLuna

Day 16 begins with their job interview at the cattle auction. Nicole puts her legs up on the table to ask if she can wear shorts and boots to work. Always a class act, that Nicole. Kent, the auction owner, recommends jeans. The girls then ask about their male coworkers and upon receiving confirmation that the boys are hot, promise to be at work by 7:30 to meet them. If by 7:30, they mean 10:00 or so, they're right on schedule.

Family fun night at the Ledings has the whole gang playing Trivial Pursuit. Paris and Nicole quickly answer that 90210 is the show that launched Shannen Doherty's career (Paris: "I hate that girl.") and Paris proves there's more to her than just fashion by knowing that DKNY stands for Donna Karen New York...Oh, wait... Papa Leding asks who our Secretary of State is. Braxton shows up everyone by answering Colin Powell. Gee, you don't think that was *gasp* staged, do you? If it wasn't, Altus has the best nursery schools ever!

Paris and Nicole leave for work at the cattle auction on time but are still an hour and forty minutes late. Guess when they stopped at Sonic for breakfast, they got caught up talking to their old coworkers. Or maybe they were longing to wear the costumes again.

The girls' first job of the day is to help sort cattle. This involves each having a gate to open. When Kent calls one of the girl's names, that girl is supposed to open her gate to let one of the cows run in. Seems simple enough and the girls do fairly well with it. Paris keeps trying to pet the cows which elicits many warnings that she's "aiming to get the sh!t kicked out of her." Now that would be good TV! Paris and Nicole promptly find the boys and begin flirting but boss man orders them back to work.

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Paris and Nicole decide to make over the cows. One gets a flower on its ear and a bull gets sprinkled with glitter. I don't think Kent appreciates the girls efforts to turn his best bulls gay.

Auction time. The girls introduce Kent, who throws them offstage and starts the auction. Paris and Nicole can't understand why he's talking that way, but they try their darndest to immitate him.

Kent sends the girls to the feed store. When they hear the cashier say he'll put the food on Kent's account, the dim bulbs over their heads flicker on (and quickly short out but that doesn't stop our fearless heroines.) Nicole, showing what a fabulous shopper she really is, quickly finds a three way mirror (because all feed stores carry those) and adds it to their purchase. The girls also choose a birdhouse for Janet for Mother's Day. Um...it's the thought that counts? Now, when they checkout, the clerk says "He's gonna have a heart attack when he sees a birdhouse on his account." Uh....so why did you let the girls buy it? It couldn't be because this show is *gasp* staged, could it?

Two hours later, the girls return to the auction where they deliver the food and (shocker of shocks) get fired.

Mother's Day in the Leding house. The whole clan gathers for some good eats. Among Janet's gifts are a laundry basket filled with several 2 liters of soda (practical and useful), flowers, a card, and, of course, the pilfered birdhouse.

The next day, Kent calls and tells Janet the girls stole the mirror and the birdhouse. He tells Janet he'll deal with the girls. He comes to the house when the girls are home alone. Paris and Nicole hide in the bathroom until they think he's gone. When they come out and realize he's still there, Nicole decides to fake crying by splashing some water on her face. She goes out and tells Kent that her cat just died. Kent says he needs $120 for the mirror and birdhouse and Nicole replies she just spent all her money on vet bills and now she has to plan a funeral. After much boo-hooing, Paris gives Nicole her American Express card number to give to Kent. Hmmm...I thought they weren't allowed to use their credit cards. No way this scene is *gasp* staged. (And by the way, Paris has her credit card number memorized? Wow. Should I be impressed or am I like the only person who hasn't memorized her own credit card number?)

Paris and Nicole get sent back to the auction to pay off their debt. Interestingly, everyone is wearing the exact same stuff as last time. Could this scene be *gasp* staged? Their punishment invovles a cow, a long plastic glove and literally sticking one's hand where the sun don't shine. Fortunately for the girls, the cow isn't pregnant.

12 Days to Go

Next time: Paris and Nicole start hooking up with some guys and Nicole goes beserk in a bar. In other words, just a normal day in their lives.

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