The Apprentice 1 - Episode 11 Summary

'Kasino Kats' By Bebo

Brak brak brak. The peeps are sitting in the suite, wondering which contestant is going to walk back into the game, and which one they have to pretend to miss. In their informal polls, they all think Heidi’s gone, and that Troy will walk through the door. Woohoo, they got something right this episode, as Troy walks back into the door and is congratulated.

Troy: Everyone sucks, and I’m the best.

OK, maybe that’s not exactly what he said, but throw in a few “I’m just a boy from Idaho”s and you’ll get the more exact quote.

The next morning, it’s time for the obligatory “living” shots, aka the excuse to show as many of these contestants in towels so that two or three members of the viewing audience can drool. Then it’s time for the obligatory phone call, and they’re told to meet by the indoor waterfall.

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The Donald: Brak brak brak Mark Brown is subbing for George brak brak brak runs my hotels brak brak brak even out teams.

Troy picks Bill, and The Donald immediately asks why he didn’t pick Amy. Troy explains she’s had enough kudos.

The Donald: Brak brak brak waterfall brak brak brak worship me brak brak brak you’ll never be as successful as I am but you may worship at my feet brak brak brak.

The task – Go to Atlantic City, register gamblers, and have the most casino gambling on their play cards by the end of the day. Winners get a fabu reward, losers…well, y’know.

Katrina comments to Nick about being with the girls. Nick starts to imagine how pleasurable that could be if there weren’t cameras all around. Bill is shocked that he was picked, because he does not get along well with Troy and does not like how he does business. Well, look at their choices, Bill…who were they going to pick?

It’s time to play You Make the Call. If you were Troy, who would you have picked?

a) Nick, aka “I checked out and didn’t do anything the last time we were on the same team.”
b) Katrina - “Troy didn’t dupe me, I hold grudges against everyone, and I’d just stand around and bitch the whole time.”
c) Amy - “Yeah, just make me look even better to Trump.”
d) Bill - “The least of the evils”

If you chose Bill, you made the right call.

While Nick, Amy, and Katrina sleep on the bus, a pasty film covers their noses and mouths. It’s also time for Protégé to strategize. Troy is the project manager for this task, but we’re given a lesson on, ahem, leadership from Kwame.

Kwame: My management style is to pick good people and get out of their way. That’s why we picked Bill.

Kwame went to UNC for his bachelor’s degree, like my dear Mr. Bebo, so I’m fluent. Here’s the translation: “Why do any work when I can get someone else to do it instead and make me look good?” Kwame, are you sure you didn’t play for the Tarheels while you were at UNC? You would have fit right in.

The bus arrives at Trump Taj Mahal, and Mark Brown (aka interchangeable male lackey) gives them a tour. Bill says to his team that they need to focus on the the big players, instead of volume, if they want to win this task.

Over at Versacorp, Katrina channels Tammy and starts throwing out crazy ideas. Surprise, surprise, her teammates aren’t interested at all. Surprise, surprise, Katrina feels like they’re just shooting down her ideas. Like that was really going to change just because Bill switched teams. Surprise, surprise, Katrina stands around pouting for yet another episode. Amy’s idea is to give away a car rental. Woohoo, color me underwhelmed.

Troy is hunting down a wheel for Protégé. See, in Idaho, every major event has a wheel involved. Well, a wheel and a potato, but he doesn’t think the folks in Atlantic City are ready for something that wild. Wheels are glitzy, wheels are fun, wheels can hypmotize folks into believing that Troy is actually capable of winning this thing.

Amy and Katrina head to the car dealership to negotiate for the car. Katrina’s negotiation style involves twirling her hair, smiling, batting her eyes, and flirting. Maybe she’s also hoping that she and car dealer guy can double-date with NickandAmy once the task is over. Amy doesn’t like Katrina’s style, and takes over the negotiation. When the guy balks at giving them a car to raffle off, Amy gets him to commit to a $300 car rental. Katrina’s ticked she’s shooting so low. I’m wishing both of them would remember that seventh grade ended a long, long time ago.

In the meantime, Protégé is networking with a superior business mind. One of the shows in Atlantic City has a 10-year-old producer, who was kind enough to give up his Playstation time to meet with these wannabe execs. The guys negotiate for appearances by some of the exotic animals and performers from the show to help attract attention. All goes well until the end, when Troy gets lectured by the boy on proper business techniques. “Don’t keep selling when you’ve already sold.” This segment of the show was brought to you by the letters T, R, U, M, and P.

One part of the deal involved one of them going to the show to check it out for themselves. As Project Manager, Troy was of course the choice to go. Bill stayed behind to get some work done, and Kwame decided to go along to the show. In a modern day retelling of The Grasshopper and the Ant, Bill (the ant) is ticked at Kwame (the grasshopper) since he didn’t understand why two people had to go to the show. Hey wait, I know the punchline to this one…because they can.

Meanwhile, Versacorp is trying to figure out what the, ahem, sleeping arrangements are. Katrina offers to let them have one room so that she can mope in the other. Amy giggles that their mothers won’t approve (along with those in the viewing audience who were just expecting a show about whoring for Trump).

Now it’s time for everyone’s, ahem, favorite moment in the show, “Uncle Donald’s Lesson Time”. Today’s lesson is It’s Easier To Thing Big. INSERT JOKE ABOUT COMPENSATING FOR WHAT’S NOT BIG. The Donald uses this as a chance to show off, I mean, shamelessly plug, I mean, show us around his new golf course that’s under construction in New Jersey. After all, everyone thinks of New Jersey when they think of fine golf vacations. It’s a windy day, and The Donald uses this to brag about his hair being natural. After all, a wig wouldn’t blow like that. INSERT JOKE ABOUT HAIRSTYLE BLOWING.

Now that we’ve seen Troy’s wheel (please, don’t go there peeps), we learn that Protégé is giving away free spins for a chance to win $1,000. Bill negotiated exclusive rights to the VIP check-in area and is using people from the show to escort the folks over to the long line to spin the Wheel…of…Fortune!

Versacorp is having less success getting people over to their car rental extravaganza (*cough*). They’re trying to use models to help, but when the models head over to the VIP area, Bill calls them hookers and vultures and moves them away, telling them they can’t attack the customers. Katrina then sends the models over to the line to entice people to their shorter line, but the boy from Idaho uses his, ahem, charm to gently guide the models away.

The monkey see, monkey do routine continues when Troy starts hawking the wheel over a microphone. Amy, ever the shrinking violet, grabs a mike and starts screaming into the casino. In one of the best music choices of the show to date, we are treating to dueling banjos as Troy and Amy try to entice patrons to their respective lines.

Katrina says, “We’re missing something.” Oh, that one’s too easy. “We need shock value.” As if on cue (or conveniently edited), it’s time for Protégé to unveil the tiger! Ooooo, aaaaahhh. It’s Nick’s turn at the mike, “Please direct your attention to the 2003…ahh, I can’t beat the tiger.” INSERT BEATING THE TIGER EUPHEMISM JOKE HERE.

Mark Brown comments that they’ve “paralyzed our operations” because people are “not playing, they’re looking”. Versacorp scrambles to get folks signed up and into the casino. Nick calls it “guerilla marketing at its best” and says, “I think we’re going to win.”

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