Temptation Island 2 - Episode 11 Summary

'C'mon, C'mon, C'MON!' By Lunastarlight

Okay, so I’m not a poet, but something had to be done to draw you into the most boring episode of Temptation Island 2…I’ll try not to fall asleep as I write this and I hope you don’t fall asleep as you read this.

This week’s episode kicks off on day 874 with the girls final date choices. The girls come to the beach and all give Marky-Mark some lovin’ before he goes into his spiel about how important this decision is. We get to see a quick flashback shot of Aaron being kicked off. I guess it was more important for Fox to show us shots of the pretty waves, scary lightning and the old man beating his drum then it was for them to show us scenes relevant to the show at hand. The single guys enter with Tom dressed as a long-shore cowboy fisherman and Rossi wearing a dark suit for the funeral of his chances with Catherine. The date selection begins with Catherine who says the person she chose made her feel things she hasn’t felt in a really long time. I guess that means Edmundo’s equipment doesn’t quite compare with Size 14 Brian’s. She also says she “hasn’t finished exploring him” so it must take awhile to see all the parts of a size 14. Shannon’s up next and she begins by describing her choice’s “passion” for what he does and how she respects that, which, in Shannon-speak, means she respects the money he makes. Rossi begins licking his lips in anticipation, but Shannon chooses professional windsurfer Kevin. Predictably, Nikkole chooses Tommy NY. Kelly, who I notices walks like there’s something stuck between her legs, says she just can’t get past her choice’s eyes. I wonder if she means eyes or eyebrows as she chooses Ali. Considering Ali’s an investment banker, I’m surprised Shannon didn’t make more of a play for him.

Thank god for commercial breaks that keep me alert.

Once the final choices are made, it’s time to throw the unchosen ones into the volcano…er, I mean it’s time to put their suitcases into an oxcart and send them down the beach. At the Ladies Lounge, Catherine teases Rossi one last time as she presses her breasts tightly against him to say goodbye. Meanwhile, over at Playas Villa, the cameras show us how sloppy the single girls’ rooms are before they leave. The coupled guys play bellboy as they load up the oxcart while the whores all hug and kiss goodbye. Amanda and Caneel are sure to wear their skimpiest skirts as they mount up. In what I can only assume is his bid for an Emmy for best idiotic performance, Tommy begins crying “Kristen! KRISTEN!” and waving his arms around. Since he is most likely getting dumped next week, I guess Fox wants us to see a kinder, gentler Tommy.

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The “next morning” (really day 1,073) begins with everyone departing for parts unknown. Fox shows a map of 8 arrows going 8 different ways. They want us to believe it’s where the couples are going, but it’s really George W’s attack plan against Osama bin Laden. Each couple ends up someplace that looks exactly like what they just left behind.

We see lots and lots of Shannon’s gaping fish-mouth as she and Kevin spend the entire dream date staring at each other and not saying anything, which, according to them, means they’re very close and intimate. John and Nayla spend the date with an erupting volcano that wasn’t John’s. They get rubbed down in mud…how many times has Temptation Island pulled out the mud massage now in the two seasons? John talks about discovering he’s in love or something irrelevant like that. Meanwhile, Shannon and Kevin stare at each other some more.

This year’s “Valerie” award for spending the entire dream date moping about your significant other goes to Tommy, who was so out of it during his date that Katie had to throw things at him to get his attention. We see a shot of the door to room 13 and hear Nikkole inside breathlessly crying “C’mon! C’mon! “Come ON!” I didn’t think they were allowed to show these things on TV but Nikkole was just echoing the thoughts of TI2 viewers regarding how drawn out this season has been. Once she gets Tommy NY out of bed, the go watch a turtle lay some eggs.

Mark goes to Heaven with Debbie and talks about how he hopes he hasn’t put Kelly through the ringer during this experience. Cut to a shot of Kelly laughing with Ali. Debbie and Mark paint each other with some green goo in a hot tub while Kelly spends the date sitting in bed with Ali.

Edmundo and Linda go to a waterfall and sit in a rock in the pouring rain. How romantic. Meanwhile, Size 14 and Catherine take a hot air balloon ride, which is pretty fitting since they’re both full of hot air. Edmundo tells Linda she’s “almost perfect” then starts talking about Catherine. Not a real slick move, Eddie, especially if you’re hoping to get Linda into your bathroom later. Size 14 tells Catherine it’s sexy to watch a girl suck out of a straw…obviously an activity she’s had much experience with.

Commercial time…hey, for the first time, the amount of women on the local police force is greater than the amount of men…ooh, the circus is coming to town…

Day 1,666 in Whoresville…Nikkole and Tommy NY make out and spend the most of their last few moments together, while Tommy Jerk likens his relationship with Nikkole to a sinking ship and wonders if the ship will make it back to port. Unfortunately, I think the ship that is their relationship is the Titanic. Kelly wishes that Princess Genevieve and Whipped Tony had left earlier so she would have had more time to “discover herself.”

FINALLY, it’s time for the singles to leave…Edmundo and Tommy start the stupidest fashion trend of the season by wearing their shirts inside out. All the single women talk about the deep bonds they’ve made with the guys and hope they’ll be honest with their girlfriends at the final bonfire. Over at the Ladies Lounge, Shannon and Kevin don’t hug or kiss, just stare at each other, which leads to a horrible accident off camera as Kevin rides his horse into a palm tree. Once again, pertinent information that Fox just can’t let us see.

Next week, in Part 2 of Fox’s 15 part finale of Temptation Island 2 – The Final Bonfire. Will Shannon tighten the leash she has on John? Will anyone care about Kelly and Mark’s decision? Will Catherine finally cry off all her makeup, revealing to America that she really is a man? Will Nikkole leave TommyJerk for Tommy NY’s hook and ladder? Stay tuned.

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