Boy Meets Boy - Episode 3 Summary

'Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire' By MattyMax

Robb talking about first girlfriend.
“The closest I’ve ever had to a “relationship” to “A Female” was in college.” The boys giggle. Michael is confused by this whole “I ONLY like men” concept.
“You only date men?” Michael asks Wes.
Wes laughs it off.
“I’ve only hooked up with two men” Michael confesses.
“This month?” Wes asks.
“Ever. You know, it doesn’t matter, man, woman” “I just never thought there was a problem” he mumbles.
“What kind of gay man are you?” – Obviously not one.
“And you’re on a gay dating show!?!”
“Wow”
“We are all gay” Brian clarifies, pointing to everyone else. Dan nods.
“When is the last time you were with a woman.” Wes presses.
“Two, or three months ago.
Sean pats him on the shoulder. Is this a ‘I’m in it for the money, too?’ conciliatory gesture.

Andra’s still up. (except whenever anyone says ‘Andra’, it sounds like ‘Anja” ) “He (Dan) is gonna hate me”, she drunkenly bemoans. But she still manages to serve her purpose. “He is funny, cute, but get this, he has a BOYFRIEND”
James is doing what does best, smiling, not wearing a shirt and not talking.

The boys are up late, gossiping and giggling about the competition. They talk about what they’ve heard about Dan and his boyfriend. Brian is quick to defend him, which tips off the rest of the boys that someone has a little crush.

Morning! Happy music! A cute hummingbird!
Anja and James find a card in the living room! Anja makes sure that James reads it correctly, while covering her stomach with her arm. Either she’s hung over or thinks she’s fat. She is with too many hot men who want James almost as much as she does, and have much much better chances.
They’re gonna go to the zoo!

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Morning at the boys’ cabin.

Dan, looking beautiful, tan and cut, with a white towel dripping off his flanks, struts into the bathroom. “I’m gonna be in here, boys” he announces. He loves the attention the boys give him, which, in case you missed last month’s edition of OUT, is why straight boys hang out with gay boys.
Dan, in confessional, mentions the ‘thing’ between him and Brian. Dan mentions flirting with Brian, pointing out his perfect teeth and ‘nature trail’ (while tactfully avoiding hair comments). Hmm.. I always thought it was called a ‘happy trail’. Is this an unfamiliarity with the vocabulary of male genitalia?! Or perhaps just a regional difference in slang…

Robb and Brian follow him in there and loiter as if it were the men’s room in the lower level of Grand Central.
Then we get to watch Dan in the shower. This is the best part of the show. There is some smoked glass between him and the lens, but you get a pretty good impression of the front side of him, and the glass doesn’t do much when Dan rubs his ass against it.
Robb “Woah, you’re THAT Guy!”
Baseball cap pulled tightly over his receding hairline, Brian, looking cut and lying, claims “I never thought you were cute before now”

In the limo to pick up half the boys. James isn’t fooling around anymore. Today he’s going to look for guys that he maybe he could possibly date.
James “I’m looking for a spark today”
Anja knows that, even though they don’t know the boys that well, they all know each other, and that James and she can read their reactions off of each other, to know when someone’s lying. Why is Anja so concerned about lying? Methinks she really dislikes Dan.

The Zoo!!!

Haha,. A turtle poos on Matt!
Anja’s scared of a snake,
as is James!!
Dan is like “Whatever, pussies”
Anja choses Matt to go on a one-on-one with James. Matt has an old soul.
Now I had understood the one-on-ones were supposed to be the times where a guy gets a chance to really make his moves on James, tell him what he wants to hear, and try to steal a kiss. Matt, however, decides to take the opportunity to explain to James how they’re incompatible.
“I live in San Fran, you live in LA”
A pause to admire the giraffe’s tongue! “Jesus, I wish James had a tongue that long and thick” Matt wishes. “Maybe then there’d be a connection.”
Rootbeer floats for the boys! Of course there’s vodka.
Matt “Wanna spoon?”
James “You just dive right in”

Water fight!!
Screams, giggles, an old onlooking tourist couple who would never sign waivers to appear on such as show.
Dan uses this opportunity to take off his shirt.

And back to Matt and James
“I don’t have the instant connection (with you) that says “I would totally love to date him” Matt admits point blank to James, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are on a mini-date.
James’ decision just got that much easier.
Matt’s upset he missed the waterfight.

So in the limo, James says he heard from a little bird (my guess the producers) that one of he guys was bi.
Mike confirms that he knows he’s in the hot seat. Dan told him that james told dan that he knew mike was bi.
James seems to be just checking the water, to see if Michael will admit to it. But Michael is visibly perturbed, frowning underneath that frumpy, floppy Dawson’s Creek hat or whatever those things are that were barely mildly popular 8 years ago, and were still ugly then. He doesn’t confess.
Brian, in confessional, admits that if someone were really playing the game, he would have told James about Michael’s little secret. Why do these guys always speak in the hypothetical? Just because you’re on a tv show does not make reality fiction. That’s the work of the editors.

Back home, we find that Darren has written a charming limerick for the group. I don’t really know what it was about, there were too many bleeps, but I think it had something to do with sodomy.
Who knows.
Wes suggests another round, when Anja decides that she can’t handle the tension any more and that she’s going to confront Dan about his lying. Truly believing that she holds a role in the relationship between James and whomever he chooses, she pulls James and Dan out from the group and brings them inside. “You two need to talk, Dan you told me carp carp screech.”
“Is this about CHRIS in new york” Dan stares like a puppy in headlights, and focuses not to screw up on his pronouns. Anja tells them where to sit and leaves the room.
The dispute seems to be that James heard that Chris was a boyfriend in an open relationship with Dan, Anja heard that there was nothing between the two.

“Chris and I were really close, I haven’t seen (beat) him in three months. Chris was someone I cared about. I know he’s (beat) not the right guy for me. Because (half-beat) we have such a good friendship… It’s more than sex.
I’ve been with one (beat) guy in the last year. I used to be a player”
James is not convinced, and doesn’t care if Dan has settled down. “We all do what we do, GHB, anonymous sex, but that’s not the issue.”
Right then, the harpy swoops in, takes James away with her.
Dan leans against the wall, stressed and confused. “I’m just acting gay” he unconsciously intones.

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