EPISODE VI.III
AN IDOL RETURN

The republic has been restored. The evil emperor is gone. The Ewoks have made friends throughout the empire. Peace has been restored and now it time for entertainment and fun.

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Singing has always been a highly valued form of entertainment and now the races come together to pick their favourite singer by sub-space message.

Onto the stage, at the Star Wars Cantina, stepped Ran Socrest , a scruffy looking nerf-herder. He is the master of ceremonies introducing the singers and talking to them after the performance.

Ran Socrest had to announce the theme for this week’s intergalactic show. He sat the performers down in the Romulan Ale room. Through a couple of hints, he announced that the performers must choose a song written on the stardate that they were born.

After announcing the theme, Ran had to introduce the judges. There is Landy Calkson , Princess Pela , and Darth Simon .

After waving to the cameras (well except for Darth Simon), it was time for Ran to introduce the first singer. Now this singer, Rystadia , already had some experience singing. In fact she was a back-up singer and dancer in Scobba the Sutt’s personal musical group (and why she has been “hooking up” with Scobba). Wearing her one ring to rule them all, she chose “When I Dream” by Mac Davis.

After Rystadia sang her song, it was time for the judges’ comments. Landy, who is isolated in Cloud City, said he didn’t recognize the song and didn’t love the performance. Pela noted how Rystadia chose a stunning outfit and noted how she couldn’t get into the song. Darth Simon noted how the force is weak in this song and not memorable.

Ran started talking to Rystadia but it was pure drivel. It was bad enough that Darth Simon started to pinch the vein in Ran’s neck to get him to shut his mouth. Ran was quickly released but still didn’t become quiet.

It was time for the second contestant to sing. Qui-Bo Binn was next. He sang “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Landy liked that performace. Pela thought that she would be seeing Qui-Bo in the finals. Darth Simon, using the dark side to quiet the booing audience, said the song selection was not great. Well, who knows? Let’s face it. Qui-Bo picked Darth Simon to be trained as a Jedi, thinking that he was “the one.” Not that good at making the right decision, eh?

The next singer was Maxwar Reboson , who already had experience playing keyboard in that musical group in Scobba the Sutt’s palace. He sang “I’ll Never Love This Way Again” by Dionne Warwick (not to be confused with Wicket W. Warrick).

Landy thought that Maxwar was technically the best singer in this competition. Pela started clapping like she was coked out of her brain (which probably was the case). Darth Simon gave a compliment and compared it to soft, warm blankets.

Lukey Skywalkov went up next and sang “Everytime You Go Away” by Paul Young. Landy thought that Lukey improved. So did Pela. Darth Simon had a father/son moment and thought this performance was much better. In the banter with Ran, Lukey admitted that he can hear his father’s thoughts and they do influence him. The force is strong in this one.

Vonzlyn Solme , yet another performer who was in Scobba the Sutt’s palace, sang “Let’s Hear It For The Boy” by Deniece Williams. Landy thought the performance was great. Pela was so overwhelmed that she asked a very dumb question. Her worshipfulness asked Vonzlyn if she sang it an octave higher. Vonzlyn admitted it was higher. Darth Simon said that three weeks ago, he thought that she would go home before Rystadia but now he thinks the reverse is true. It was all based on song selection.

In the “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” department, it was Scobba the Sutt’s turn. He “sang” “She’s Gone” by Hall and Oates, who happened to be in the audience. Jefferson Starship was probably jealous about that. Scobba had to let it be known that the truth is out there. He’s the real rocker and will prove that. (Probably with his mob and bounty hunters. Trust no one when Scobba is around.)

Landy, being the pirate that he is, did suck up to Scobba as best he could. He did say it was rough in the beginning but is frightened of having Scobba send Boba Fett on him and said it was great considering he did it in front of Hall and Oates. Pela, who was unfortunately enslaved by Scobba, said it was great and nerve racking how he did it in front of Hall and Oates. She then started cackling uncontrollably, knowing that Scobba will have to meet an unfortunate end eventually. Darth Simon, who was trained in the Jedi arts and in the ways of the Dark Side, was not afraid and said there were more bad notes than good. Hall and Oates, probably in fear for their own lives, gave Scobba the thumbs up from the audience.

The next contestant was C1UD , a golden protocol droid. C1UD sang “Love Is A Battlefield” by Pat Benatar. Fortunately for her, there was no major glitch or case of déjà vu that caused her to mess up royally. Landy noticed that a couple of notes were out of tune and the lyrics weren’t perfect. Pela thought C1UD rocked. Darth Simon thought it was like a kitten wanting to be tiger.

The final contestant is none other than the 6 foot tall, walking carpet, Chewstatine . He decided to sing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” Landy gave him a 10 on showmanship and a 7 on singing. Pela thinks that he is the one to beat in this competition. Darth Simon, remembering that Wookies tend to rip out the arms of people who make them mad, said that it was astonishing.

And with Ran Socrest showing the final clips and their phone numbers, the first night of Star Wars Idol concluded.

The next day’s show began with Ran saying that one of the contestants was going to home and then mentioning that he is going to drag out the show 55 minutes longer than it needs to be. Again, Landy Calkson, Princess Pela, and Darth Simon were introduced. 34 million aliens and droids cast their votes the night before.

Ran reintroduced the contestants and immediately asked Chewstatine about his giant tongue move. Chewstatine, being the Wookie, said it just happened. Ran then asked Lukey how he felt. Lukey said he was feeling good about last night and then started whining about being nervous. Vonzlyn Solme said that being in a recording studio is like a dream come true.

Ran then reminded the audience about the charity CD that goes to the Corruscant Green Circle and how the song was selected. In the end, “When You Tell Me That You Love Me” was the winning song. The Top 12 were reunited to re-record the song in a studio. The CD has been made and has more songs on it too and will be released shortly.

Ran cut to commercial and came back to say that in having 55 minutes of filler, the producers decided to let the bottom three sing their favourite song that they did so far. But before the audience was to learn of the bottom three, the Top 8 had to sing the winning song on that charity CD.

After the song, Ran said that the singers made it look easy, but it is actually tougher than it really seems. That led to a clip showing of life as a Star Wars Idol. Thursday is supposed to be the day that a song is picked. After listening to some songs, and discussing it with the vocal coaches and pianists, the song is edited for the show. Friday is the day that interviews are conducted. It is also the day that the contestants go shopping for new outfits for when they appear on the show. The contestants have a set budget for the clothes (so no Queen Amidala clothes) but they do get to wear whatever they want. Saturday is when the Idols go to record stuff for the albums and then possibly have some time off doing things that aren’t directly or indirectly related to the competition. For example, the Idols went bowling. (Boring compared to betting on Pod Races.) Sunday is when the singers record an advertisement for one of the sponsors. Monday is the day that the contestants practice with the band. This is the day with the stage rehearsals where the singers can work out any problems. Tuesday is the day of the show where the audience can vote. It is the day when the contestants tell the camera people where they plan to stand on the stage. There is also the dress rehearsal followed by hair and makeup. Then the show is done live. Wednesday is the results show. The contestants tend to be sad because they know somebody is going home that night.

The clip finished, and Ran went to commercial. Commercials were done, and Ran came back reminding the audience to go to the website. Prizes can be won. Then, as if everybody has short attention spans, Ran cued the obligatory clips from the previous night. Then Ran started asking questions, again, to the contestants. He asked C1UD was experiencing a computer virus, and she didn’t really know. She said was harder to control the voice and get the right notes. Ran then asked Rystadia how she handles the pressure. She said she just wanted to do whatever the will of Goddess was. Ran asked Maxwar why he improved so much. Maxwar said it was because he over-thought the songs. He then let his feelings flow through the music and felt the force.

Then to add drama, Ran point-blank asked Scobba the Sutt, what his favourite song was. He said he had two. The Hall and Oates song was special because he performed it before them, but he also liked “Against All Odds” by Phil Colins. Ran asked him to step down and sing it because he was in the bottom three.

After the commercial break, that killed another few minutes, Ran started going down the list to get another bottom three. After torturing C1UD, and Maxwar, Ran announced that Qui-Bo was also in the bottom three. Ran asked Qui-Bo what is happening that is making him go into the bottom three. Qui-bo skirted the question and started saying that going on the show was a bet with his mom. She bet that he wouldn’t go on the show. He bet that she wouldn’t sleep outside with him for three days. Landy thought that he lost a little confidence in the last couple of weeks but still thinks he’s great. Pela is still convinced that she will be seeing Qui-Bo in the finals. Qui-Bo, then, stepped to the stage and sang “Remedy” by Black Crows.

Ran continued to give the results. He first tortured Chewstatine, especially after asking Darth Simon for some comments. Then Vonzlyn and Lukey were tortured. Then Ran asked Rystadia what she will sing because she’s in the bottom three. She went up to the stage and sang “You Don't Have To Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield.

After the break, Ran needed to drag the show out even longer. He asked Landy for advise of what the audience should be basing their votes on. Landy thinks that consistency is important. He also noted how a couple of previous winners were also in the bottom three. Pela said that the show can be weird because the best contestants sometimes end up in the bottom. But she also reminded the contestants to use their gifts and to love what they do. Darth Simon thought that choosing the proper song is the most important thing. He was convinced that because Rystadia chose the song that she did, that that was why she was in the bottom three.

Ran let Scobba the Sutt sit down because he was safe. He then turned back to the judges. Landy looked disgusted and reminded everybody to vote for their favourites. Pela asked Qui-Bo if he has what it takes and Qui-Bo believes he has what it takes. The vote was revealed. Qui-Bo was safe, which means that Darth Simon took out his light saber and put Rystadia out of her misery. Ran concluded the show with his catchphrase, “Socrest out.”