Hell's Kitchen 1 - Episode 5 Summary

'Michael Isn't Being Michael' By volsfan

It is with great sadness I must inform everyone of the demise of the bleep-o-meter! I charged the batteries all day getting ready for the show. 368 bleeps and 15 minutes into the show the bleep-o-meter started smoking and I had to turn it off. Just so everyone knows, the bleeping was almost to the point of annoying because it was hard to follow some of the conversations. There was one conversation that Jessica had with Elsie that even after watching 3-4 times…I still couldn’t fill in the blanks.

We had the typical 8 minutes and 43.5 seconds worth of recarp before the show started. If everyone remembers from last week, Jessica had put up Andrew and Mary Ellen for eviction. Ramsay surprised everyone by eliminating Mary Ellen. This is where the show begins as everyone heads to the dorm. Jessica is crying and blames herself for her best friend getting sent home. Two things here: 1) it is Jessica’s fault…why would she even risk the possibility of losing someone she claims to be her best friend. 2) Has the girl NEVER watched a reality show? How many times have we seen all these best laid plans backfire and the wrong person goes home? Almost every single time!

Andrew is feeling down because he has been nominated twice. He says he feels he gets picked on and that being screamed at is hell. Bless his widdle heart. Poor widdle Andy is Ramsay’s bitch and he doesn’t wike it! Andrew should be thankful he is still in the game. His sorry butt should have already been sent packing. Andrew is then shown lying on the bed talking to himself (this is the theme of the night as it happens a couple more times) and he thinks he has done something right because he is still there. The camera pans up to his headboard where a sign reads SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I like the sentiment there but would you really want someone to keep his or her mouth shut in bed? Just asking…

Ramsay pulls the seven remaining together for a pep talk. He asks Ralph and Chris who is the strongest member of their teams with both responding that they are. He then asks who is the weakest and they respond with Andrew and Jimmy. Way to go chef…urinate everyone off and make sure you kick ‘em while their down. Some freakin pep talk that was.

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Chef Ramsay proceeds to explain the menu they have grown accustom will be trashed and a new menu will take it’s place. Chef Idiot is a loon! I know there are restaurants that change menus daily but most top places will have signature dishes that stay the same with specials (whatever is fresh or in season). However, I would think it would be easier on them to learn the system if things were consistent. It seems Ramsay is trying to sabotage the place.

Ramsay has decided the place will be a pasta restaurant when the doors open again. He pulls the teams into the kitchen to give them a crash course in making pasta. He rolls the dough, puts it through the machine to flatten and then runs it through the cutter to form long strands of pasta (looks to be around 36”…the pasta! Get your minds out of the gutter). The pasta has to dry so Ramsay calls Chris up front to help. Chris is patted down with flour (arms and face) and Ramsay drapes the pasta over him! Chris looks like a mummy and doesn’t seem too happy about it.

Let the competition begin! Since the red team has one more person, Chris will be sitting in the corner while his pasta dries and the two teams of 3 will have 20 minutes to make as much pasta as they can. Jimmy and Andrew become the human dryers as Ralph, Jessica, Elsie, and Michael make pasta. We are shown Andrew standing with pasta all over his arms. In a confessional he says he wanted to help but the only utensil he has is his mouth. Why can I not think of any response that isn’t sexual in nature? Insert your own joke here.

The pasta that is worthy of passing inspection will be weighed. The team with the most good pasta will win. Andrew walks over and Ramsay keeps 2.41 pounds for the blue team. Jimmy is up next and Ramsay keeps 2.45 pounds. The red team will take a gondola ride with wine and a pasta lunch. While the blue team makes all the pasta for the next meal.

As one of the most eerie, strange, troubling and confusing scenes plays out, we see Michael for the nut job he really is! It’s late night and Michael and Chris are chatting while Chris is in his bed with Michael sitting on his bed in boxers and a t-shirt. Michael tells Chris that he is a true friend and they should stick together until the final two. Chris suggests that maybe if they lose the next challenge Michael nominate him to keep the alliance hidden. Michael says that he really doesn’t want to and then he walks over and tucks Chris into bed and pulls a quilt up over him! I really thought Michael was going to kiss him goodnight!

The scene continues with a voiceover that informs us that after everyone goes to sleep Michael goes out to the backyard to have a chat with HIMSELF! It doesn’t end there either; Michael has done this every night he has been there. Michael tells himself that, “Michael hasn’t been Michael since he got there.” Who the hell has he been? Santa Clause? WTF? Did Michael lose his medication? He seriously looked demonic during this scene. He had a glow about him that was just damn strange.

Ramsay addresses the two teams with information about the new menu (3 appetizers, 3 main courses and 3 desserts) and that the restaurant is booked for the night. No wait; make that double booked for the night. Each team will have 2 hours to cook for the restaurant (80 guests) while the other team serves. This is just getting ridiculous. How does Ramsay even think this is feasible? Let’s see; the show started with 6 people cooking for half the restaurant and they had 4 hours. One team succeeded one time. Now there is 3-4 on each team and they have to cook for the entire restaurant in 2 hours. They can’t do it!

Because of the red teams earlier victory, they choose to cook first forcing the blue team to be servers. It takes Jimmy over an hour to get the starters out and Ramsay is going off in perfect form. One of the starters looks like some type of soup topped with a slice of toast. Ramsay says that every bowl Jimmy brings him is dirty. Jimmy claims it is crumbs from the bread. Either way, Ramsay was about to pop a vein as he ranted and raved. I don’t think I could perform under such circumstances.

Chris and Elsie are responsible for the main courses and looks like they are moving slowly. Elsie says she has no idea what’s going on…and this is anything new? With only 30 minutes to go “most” of the main courses have been served.

Michael is responsible for desserts and with his new attitude, decided to not help anyone. He is going to impress Ramsay with his desserts and not worry about anyone else. Well, I guess it is sort of interesting to finally see someone actually playing a game and using strategy to win but man could anyone act more strangely than Michael?

At the end of the two hours, there were 8 main courses not served and Ramsay isn’t happy. Again, is this anything new?

Meanwhile, Michael has developed a fool proof plan to pull out a win for his red team. He says that lasagna is hard to make and the kitchen is running low. The red team will push lasagna to drive the blue team to loser lodge. More strategy here and I am wondering if this is a winner edit or an edit that someone’s run is going to come to an end soon.

Right off the bat the blue team gets 6 orders of lasagna and Jessica figures it out immediately. Also, Ralph gets the wrath of Ramsay as he struggles with the starters like Jimmy. However, 40 minutes in and he manages to serve all the starters.

Jimmy can’t be found to deliver starters to one of his tables. He is seen running with sweat dripping off his nose! EWW! Ramsay wants to know where, “that fat f*#k” is. Jimmy runs around so Ramsay can see him and the chef says, “he is running around like a t*rd infected with clams.” I have no idea where this man gets his sayings and I am not so sure that they actually make sense. If anyone can explain this one feel free to lemme know.

With 20 minutes left hardly any of the main courses have made it to the tables. Customers are getting upset and one decides to complain to Ramsay BRAK BRAK BRAK…we have already seen this!

The competition is over and Ramsay gets feedback from guests:

Red team: Served more food than the blue team but service was terrible.

Blue team: Only served 38 main courses but the food they did serve was rated higher than the red team and service was good.

The winning team:

BLUE TEAM

Michael was the hero of the red team and will be making the nominations. After all the plotting and whispering Michael tells Chris he knows what he HAS to do. Ok, do we have more strategy coming into play here? Will Michael make the best move for him?

First Nominee: Elsie because she got flustered and was slow with main courses.

Second Nominee: Chris because he said he was the strongest and if he is that good then he will be around tomorrow to help the team win again.

Michael was giggling with glee as he told Ramsay that he didn’t pick Jimmy because he gives his all and is a hard worker as if the others aren’t. Ramsay’s face was priceless during the segment and he basically told Jimmy he should be going home.

Elsie said she deserves to stay because she came in with little knowledge and has learned a lot. She has and will give 100% for her team.

Chris says his devotion and hard work will be better for Hell’s Kitchen in the long run.

Ramsay has heard enough of the arrogance that is Chris and he gets the boot! Ramsay said that he kept hearing how good ChrisOH.THE.DRAMA!

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