The Apprentice 4 - Episode 6 Summary

'Strike Four You’re Fired' By idiotcowboy

It was a dark a rainy night in Manhattan... no really it was. It was especially dark for the remnants of the Evil Stepsisters Felisha and Alla (not to be confused with Allah, God help us!), as they worried whether evil stepsister #3, Christi was coming back or whether instead it would be Cindereleffer M. instead. Felisha the denser of the two, literally and figuratively and in fact pretty much any other way you care to slice her, opined that she would be “devastated” if Christi didn’t return. Alla, ever the practical one would only be sad if Christi didn’t return because Christi was so easy to manipulate into looking bad herself that she was very handy to actual have around. Watch that Alla she is definitely a player.

Christi did not return of course, but Jennifer did to the surprise of everyone in the suite but none more than to Jennifer herself who everyday is a new day and who never met a task she didn’t say she succeeded at even when she did nothing at all. It must be a Jennifer thing... at least ones that are picked to be on this show!

The next morning things continued out the norm as the team were sent to the boardroom initially, and although it was high expectation that we the loyal viewing audience waited hoping that perhaps The Donald would in fact show up and fire the whole group of losers, instead he didn’t even bother to show up at all. Which of course meant someone else, in this case The Carolyn, would have to step up and misread the teleprompter instead. We will loosely paraphrase that now:

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Carolyn: Since your team has been decimated pardon me but did they really loose ten contestants?

TheDirector: It’s only week six how could that possibly happen?!?

Carolyn: Well you did know that decimate means reduce by ten, I know this because I read it in an internet summary somewhere so it I know it must be true.

TheDirector: Just read the copy points will ya!

Carolyn: Ok, so Capital Edge, since your team sucks and you chose Alla as your project manager, Alla you need to pick the suckiest of the suckers and send them to the other team.

Alla: Carolyn I would like to send them all, there is no I in Alla.
Carolyn: Sorry you gotta keep two, at least for appearance sake.

Alla: I choose to keep evil stepsister #2 who I can manipulate almost as much as she who shall not be named, and ... and ... the black guy

Carolyn: Um, no Alla you pick who you don’t want on your team

Alla: Um ok then I choose to send the cripple, the black girl, and Malibu Barbie.

Carolyn: That wasn’t so hard now was it, now your turn Excel, Josh you’re the project manager who do you not want?

Josh: I would like to send Gay Clay, Markus Stupidus, and the tall dorky kid.

Adam: My name is Adam, and this is my only line in the whole summary could you please at least give me a name other that tall dorky kid?

Josh: And him, definitely him.

Carolyn: Oh goodie, more stuff to read. The pro-ject thes weak is to make a inside store dis-palay for Diick’s Sproting Goods. do you think I could try that again I kinda mangled it?

TheDirector: Don’t worry we’ll splice it together and make it sound find. We do it for Donald every week you know.

Now that you kinda sorta get a feel for how it went (but not really because I am prone for embellish the story a bit... it helps me maintain my sanity while watching this drivel), let us move on the more snarky/insightful observation points of the summary.

The task was to create an in-store display for Dick’s Sporting Goods, that would promote a sport of their choice. The winning team would be the one that increased the percentage of sales for the sport in question the most. Even a computer geek such as myself can see what this really is, it is a sales task and because it is a percentage sales task what you really want to do is find a sporting product line with some high dollar low sale items and push/promote those products as that would be the easiest way to ensure your highest margin of percentage increase and your team victory. Plus you might want to factor in the volume of business and the season (if applicable) for the specific line of sports so as to find one where you could actually increase sales the most by having the smallest actual dollar increase.

The in-store event is irrelevant kinda like those stories when you were in school where someone tells you some random piece of information at the beginning and then weaves an incredibly complex story from there only to ask you at the end what the seemingly trivial item at the beginning was in order to see if you were paying attention. Of course we see none of this line of discussion probably because is NEVER in a million years would happen with these teams who appear totally incapable of working outside of the vacuum that is their heads, instead we get Markus (loudly because he only seems to have one volume loud and two moods aloof and pouty), proclaim how stupid golf is, how he hates the sport and everyone who plays it, but by golly that is the sport they should choose, and the equally ridiculous James who evidently thinks that because he loves baseball that everyone else should too... yeah dude, that’s a great reason

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