Dancing with the Stars 2 - Episode 1 Summary

'Once More Back Onto The Dance Floor' By PhoenixMons

PREFACE

I’m an idiot. I don’t watch TV on Friday nights EVER and actually sat down to watch that new show, InJustice (which is gonna be a new weekly staple for me) last night after seeing a preview for it during Dancing With the Stars. As such, I completely forgot about the elimination show. So, the first week’s summary will only deal with the actual dance show. I offer you my sincere apologies…I’m sure you all wanted to hear about what measures were used in order to draw out something that should take 30 seconds into a 30 minute show.

Also, I did this one only having watched the show live. As I've already explained, I am an idiot. You see, my hubby, who is in Iraq at the moment, has me tape his favorite shows for him. One of those shows is The OC, which shared the same time slot as DWTS. Not only has it been pushed back an hour, but it wasn't even a new episode this week. Hmph.

And now…on with the summary

Welcome to Season 2 of Dancing with the Stars! And guess what? No reality TV DAWs this season posing as “stars”!!!! No more Trista-esque mugging and griping and whining.

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Anyhoo, I’ll be your guide over the course of the next eight weeks. Can you imagine…eight weeks of laughable attempts at ‘dancing’, host humor (lack thereof), and the worst possible backstage “interviews” care of that sorry ass Lisa chick? Oh…we have a new co-hostess. Thank COD. Lisa was about as useful as…well something completely useless. Some chick named Samantha Harris – whom I’ll refer to as not-Lisa from now on – is the new co-host…I don’t know who the hell she is, but anyone has got to be better than Lisa.

Tom starts this thing off with an attempt to create drama - “Favorites will falter, underdogs will rise” and other such brakage. To sum it up, some people will suck and some people will suck worse and the least sucky will hopefully win – and if not, hey, we’ll just call foul and have a ratings-boosting dance-off!

Without further ado, let’s get this thing crackin’.

The stars are introduced:

• George Hamilton
• Lisa Rinna
• Kenny Mayne
• Stacy Kiebler
• Drew Lachey
• Tia Carrere
• Master P
• Gisele Fernandez
• Jerry Rice
• Tatum O’Neill

Well, at least they’re all (or were all) actual stars of some sort. Just looking over the stars, I’m incredibly scared to watch Kenny and Master P. Kenny looks like he’ll be about as coordinated as Mary Catherine Gallagher and Steve Urkel’s love child and Master P seems as if he’s trying to look “hard” to maintain his image. And what a fantastic image that is! Ah, but the worse they are, the more there is to bash! Bring it on!

Aside from replacing the ever-clever Lisa, the most noticeable change from last season is that there are 10 stars this time around…last time it was 6. Whoo hoo! Now we have to suffer through 8 weeks worth of craptacular dancing.

Tom is again trying to stir up emotion (wtf, it’s an effing reality dance competition…who gets emotional about this crap) with phrases like “Unfolding drama…tears, tantrums, moments of glory”. Last time I checked this show aired on ABC, not Lifetime.

This time the viewers will be voting on the same performances as the judges (as opposed to last season when the weekly score tallies weren’t even representing the same week’s worth of dances – whose brilliant idea was that?), so that’s an immense improvement.

This week, we’ll get to bear witness to the female stars attempting to do the waltz and male stars trying to cha cha cha (again, not to be confused with the ever-popular cha cha).

COUPLE ONE

First up is the forever-bronzed George Hamilton.

Edyta (my favorite pro from last season) is back and partnered with George Hamilton. He says he’s best known for his tan and has a sense of humor about life. Edyta says she gets her ideas from nature and movements of creatures. Okay.

George says there is a great chemistry between them, which is really code for “she’s a hot piece of ass and I’m an old geezer and she’s the first hot chick to touch me in about a decade”. George says he’s 66…had lots of injuries…and feels like Sea Biscuit. Okay. They must pay these folks extra to say ridiculous things in their little blurbs…kinda like how those idiot contestants on Millionaire always have to explain their answers for an hour before saying “final answer”. Let’s move on.

They’re dancing the cha cha cha to Oye Como Va (they used this song last season, too – as if there aren’t a billion other songs to choose from). So far, they’re pretty good. George is extremely light on his feet (also makes funny faces like O’Hurley did last season, only George’s look far less painful). I already think this is gonna be one of my favorite pairs. They look very good together and really look like they’re enjoying themselves. George’s moves aren’t really that difficult at all, but his footwork was pretty nice and he looks like he may have had some experience dancing at some point in time.

On to the judges! Whoo hoo! Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno are back again. I love me some Bruno. He almost always says exactly what I’m thinking.

Len: You’re looking for interplay, fun, good leg action, beautiful interpretation of the rhythmic music. It wasn’t action-packed but it was a great performance!

CA: Passionate, suave…did a great job.

Bruno: The dancing was a bit uneven…maybe it was the injury…some good moments but too much stillness.

The choreography was what was truly lacking (and it might have been as a result of George’s injuries/capabilities). But he did well with the few moves he did do.

Backstage…

The judges scores:

CA: 7
Len: 5
Bruno: 6

I think they’re starting a little conservatively with their votes. Last season, that performance would’ve netted straight 7s.

Backstage…ah, backstage. This season I might actually summarize something that goes on backstage with the absence of Lisa and her nonsensical questions. Or maybe I won’t because it’s really lame.

George is doing some pleading/mugging: “I need some votes…senior citizens, call in your votes!”

By the way, not-Lisa looks/sounds like a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist compared to her predecessor.

Cut to a commercial break

And we’re back with Tom making some wisecrack about this being the show where spandex is much more than a durable fabric…it’s a way of life. Apparently Tom doesn’t watch Project Runway, but I digress.

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