The Bachelor 5 - Episode 4 Summary

'Trish’s Diary' By SilverStar

Since this season of The Bachelor has pretty much become The Trish Show, I thought I would play along with it and write this summary as if I were Trish writing in her diary. Now this might be a little hard for me, seeing as how I am pretty much the complete opposite of Trish i.e., I am not a gold-digging slut who sleeps with mountains of men (some of whom are married) or a loud mouthed, obnoxious, and rude ##### who thinks she is better than everyone else. Oh, and I’m not a model either. Hey, maybe it will be fun to pretend to be someone else for a while… but probably not seeing as I’m going to be pretending to be Trish. *shudder*

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this summary do not in any way reflect the views of Reality TV World, any of its members, or Trish herself. This summary is based purely on the thoughts and opinions of SilverStar.  (Even though this is probably exactly what Trish thinks, I thought I had better throw this in just in case! OK, now that I’ve covered my butt, on with the summary!)

Monday

Dear Diary,

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I woke up this morning and I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted to wear! I mean, I’ve already worn my red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, light pink, and hot pink velour sweatsuits! I didn’t hardly pack anything else! Then I remembered that I forgot about my favorite t-shirt! I saw this shirt in the store and I swear, it’s like they made it just for me! How cute is this? It says “Gold-Digger… Like A Hooker, but Smarter” Isn’t that a hoot? I am so cute. I decided to wear my tiara today too. I needed to show these little princesses who the real queen is around here! Could I be any cuter?

So, this afternoon that host guy called us all down into the living room. You know, he’s actually kinda cute. I think I’ll get his digits, just in case this whole Jesse thing doesn’t pan out. Anyhow, he told us that this week there would be 3 individual dates and 1 group date with the 3 other losers, and the person who would be deciding who got which dates is one of Jesse’s closest friends. I was just hoping that it would be a guy so that I could manipulate him into giving me the best date, but unfortunately Chris said that it was a woman who had gone to college with Jesse, and is now married to his best friend. I wonder if his best friend is hot? So, this woman came in and we were all shocked. I couldn’t believe it! It was that stupid cow Jenny! I can’t believe she deceived us like that! I’m sure she told Jesse everything about me! What am I going to do? I am seriously f’ed. That stupid meddling cow! She came in all teary-eyed and apologetic and told us all how much she loves us and how we are all her friends and she hated lying to us. What-ever! I can’t believe the rest of those nitwits believed her! They were all hugging each other and crying and carrying on. It made me want to vomit. Then she told us that she’s had the opportunity to talk to Jesse 3 times so far, and told him who to look out for. I am seriously f’ed. Mandy Jaye opened her big trap and said “I’m never playing the ‘I Never’ game again, huh Trish?” and she condescendingly patted my leg. I swear, if that ##### ever touches me again I’m going to rip her frigging hand off. I don’t really think I said anything that awful during the ‘I Never’ game! All I said was that I’ve slept with 30-35 men, only one of them was married, I’ve had 3-somes, and been with girls. What’s the big deal? These little prissy girls make me sick. I mean, grow up!

Later in the day the first date box showed up for Jessica. It said, “Tonight I’ll make a few passes if you’ll wear my jacket and be my girl.” I was actually kind of relieved. I hate football and I am so sick of hearing about it! That’s all this guy talks about. Plus, I wouldn’t want to get dirty or break a nail tossing some stupid ball around. I need to be wined and dined and given expensive gifts! That’s what I deserve and I won’t settle for anything less!
When Jesse came to pick up Jessica, I made sure that I was the one who answered the door. Yeah, I had to knock a few of the other girls down to get there, but it’s not like I really hurt them. Bruises heal- get over it! Jesse talked to us for a few minutes when he first came in about the whole Jenny situation. He just said that he knows that we might be a little hurt and confused, but he wants us to know that he is very serious about finding the perfect girl and that’s why he brought her. Now that I’ve had some time to recover from the shock of the fact that Jenny was a spy I’m not so worried. I’ve got Jesse wrapped around my little finger, much more than Jenny does. I think I’ll be alright and get a rose this next ceremony even though realistically I don’t think I will be getting a 1-on-1 date because of that meddling cow.

While Jessica was on her date, another date box arrived, this one was for Mandy Jaye. I guess they’re going sailing or something. That’s fine with me. I hope she gets sick and barfs all over the place. It would serve her right for that little comment she made earlier.

When Jessica came back from her date she told us how they went to the Rose Bowl and had the stadium all to themselves. They had a little picnic in the center of the field and Jesse taught her how to throw the ball so they played catch. Wow, how romantic. I am so glad I didn’t get that date, I would have broken a nail for sure. Then I guess this marching band came out on to the field and played a song for them and they formed a heart around Jesse and Jessica with an arrow going through the center of it. She was just going on and on about how it was so cute, and so romantic, and blah blah blah. It sounds completely lame to me. Then she said they made out for a while, but I bet she didn’t even get to 3rd base with him. I always get to 3rd base on a first date, at least! She is such a child though.

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