Skating With Celebrities - Episode 1 Summary

'The Train Wreck That Wasn’t' By WaterDrop

Soooo…Skating with Celebrities…nothing could possibly go wrong with this, right?

I mean, it’s not like skating is a dangerous sport that takes years to learn. We got lots of previews of injuries…let’s see if Fox delivers.

When I heard about the show, I asked myself, “WaterDrop, how did Fox manage to con these skaters that range from burnt out to really good into doing this show?” Luckily, Scott Hamilton is there to answer this for me. He comes out onto the carpeted area of the ice yelling “Yeeeaaaahhhh” like we’re at a rock concert. The crowd goes wild.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have a crowd. A loud crowd. This one sounds like it could get slightly obnoxious.

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Anyway. Scottie tells us that one month ago, Fox built a pretty new rink to lure in the good skaters. They also got some really good choreographers. The celebrities were really excited, but after a month of practice, they started realize that this might be hard and people might get hurt. Never fear, however, there will be fierce competition.

I see now how we got skaters, and how we got celebrities is pretty self-explanatory, but I’m not really sure how this little competition is going to work. Summer Sanders is going to explain it.

Summer Sanders? Isn’t she a swimmer? They must have run out of skaters that were willing to sell out.

Here's a picture of our hosts:

Yes, Scott Hamilton really is that short in real life.

Summer tells us that every performance is critical. Tonight each pair will skate one routine, and these scores will be combined with next week’s. The pair with the lowest point total will be eliminated.

Scott interjects to tell us that the decisions are made by the judges.

Wait. Judges? You mean like real judges? Nope. Judges like John Nicks, Mark Lund, and Dorothy Hamill. Why no real judges? Real judges aren’t allowed to be paid. (As long as the bribe you accept is food, lodging, or gift certificates, you’re good.)

Let’s learn about the judges anyway, shall we?

John Nicks is a coach. Specifically, he is Sasha Cohen’s coach. Sir, don’t you have more important things to be doing right now? Oh, he also won some competitions in pairs and is a member of the Figure Skating Hall of Fame.

Mark Lund is the Olympic figure skating analyst for CNN and the founder of International Figure Skating Magazine. Unless something has drastically changed in the past two years, this magazine consists mainly of advertisements.

Dorothy Hamill won the Olympics, Worlds, and an Emmy.

Scottie tells us that the object is to put on the most entertaining performance possible. They are judged on two categories: artistic impression and technical merit.

Summer tells us that as the celebrities move on, they will have to perform required elements that will get more difficult.

Tonight’s Element: A spin. Scottie tells us that this can’t just be a simple spin – it has to have three revolutions. It can be done in singles or pairs. There is no note as to whether this spin has to be executed on one foot or two, but we’ll come to see that it doesn’t matter, which makes me question how a spin can get simpler than this.

Tonight’s Musical Theme: Music from the Movies

The Cast:
Kurt Browning and Deborah Gibson

Nancy Kerrigan and Dave Coulier

Tai Babilonia and Bruce Jenner

Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler

Jillian Barberie and John Zimmerman

Jenni Meno and Todd Bridges

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