The Real Gilligan's Island 1 - Episode 7 Summary

'The Final Five' By volsfan

Skipper Jim and Gilligan Chris are seen in their hut with Skipper Jim making a tiki doll of him. Skipper Jim explains that the doll will keep out evil spirits. I have never seen a tiki doll before but this looks worse than Yushchenko’s face after his mysterious dioxin poisoning! The thing looks like a sponge with eyes glued on it. I don’t think evil spirits will be threatened in any way!

Gilligan Chris is discussing, in confessional that last night he voted for Lovey Mindy and it was his decision. He continues to explain that he is proud of his vote and that he has lived and played the game the way he lives his life…by his rules and decisions! WTF? Gilligan Chris has played this game with his head so far up Mr. Stearns arse he can smell what Glenn had for dinner! Gilligan Chris’ first and only decision in this game was his vote of Lovey Mindy.

The Stearns are strategizing big time. Thurston Glenn says they have 3 options: 1) Get Mary Ann Kate to vote against Skipper Jim. 2) Get Skipper Jim to vote out Mary Ann Kate. 3) Get Gilligan Chris to vote out Skipper Jim or they are going to be split-up and prolly won’t win. Well, at least Thurston Glenn is strategizing and he understands how the game is played. However, poor hopeless Gililigan Chris is going to vote whoever he wants! What ever.

The Stearns continue to strategize about the final two. Lovey Mindy comes across to Thurston Glenn that she is out for herself and she doesn’t believe they can make the final two together. Little do they know the game will not; oh wait, I am getting a little ahead of myself. More on this later.

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Thurston Glenn goes to Mary Ann Kate and they agree to stick with the alliance and Glenn tells Kate that she can determine who to send home tonight…Gilligan or Skipper. Let’s see, this is going to be a tough decision; her hammock boy toy or someone she doesn’t have much in common with.

We interrupt this summary as the radio comes alive with Jiffy Jr’s voice. Jiffy Jr has summoned everyone to the picnic table near the palm tree. They all stroll off slowly as they hope they do not have to eat something bad.

They arrive at the picnic table with covered plates in front of them. Jiffy Jr tells them to uncover their plates and they find their favorite meals. The catch is that they are going to drink a glass of everyone’s favorite meals blended together. YAWN! Haven’t we seen this before? This is really getting boring. The person that can drink the entire glass will receive their favorite meal as reward for dinner.

The mixture turns out to look like runny oatmeal! There are big lumps with some juices. They all have a hard time with it but Lovey Mindy was first to finish. I guess she really does swallow to get her way! Everyone finishes and they all get their favorite meals for dinner. Please, make these peeps suffer! Give them rice and beans. TBS is too easy on these peeps.

We get to watch these people eat their favorite meal as Lovey Mindy has an orgasm over a plate of chicken wings (a real meal for millionaires). As everyone is enjoying their meal, Mr. Stearns brings up the game and Mary Ann Kate changes the subject. Thurston Glenn just can’t believe these people don’t want to talk game. Geez Glenn, let people be human for goodness sake. This isn’t too serious for you…you want to win a friggen Mustang and $250,000? That should be a half-day of work for you.

Back to the millionaire’s hut and Glenn is strategizing. SURPRISE! I am really getting bored with this. Do we have to be shown this? Also, why am I so STEWPID to watch this carp of a show?

Mary Ann and Gilligan are talking about whom they are going to vote off next. Gilligan Chris says that Mary Ann Kate can’t think for herself. Seems like all of the idiots are walking around waiting for Thurston Gleen to tell them what to do. Kate and Chris need to grow-up!

We get to see more strategy discussions that mean absolutely nothing. They have no idea who is going to win immunity…ERR, I mean safety ring, yeah that’s it! Safety ring!

Now for the misdirection that we have grown accustomed. Thurston Glenn, Lovey Mindy and Skipper Jim are up early to go fishing. These three harp on how Gilligan Chris and Mary Ann Kate sleep until noon. The b!tching and complaining continues until the Stearns are questioning whether they should vote off one of these two. BLAH BRAK BRAK and all that! Have I said this show is stupid?

Jiffy Jr comes on the radio and announces for everyone to report to the lagoon for the IC…I mean the safety ring challenge. The challenge is a swimming/diving challenge. There are objects planted in the lagoon and Jiffy Jr will announce the object to be retrieved. The catch? There will not be enough of said items for everyone. The one person that doesn’t find the item will be eliminated.

The first item is a starfish. Gilligan finds the fish first, Mr. Stearns second, Lovey Mindy is third and Mary Ann Kate gets the last one. Skipper Jim is out of the challenge. Is there any question? Poor Skipper Jim has not been too competitive in physical competitions.

The second item is a treasure chest. Gilligan is first again with Mrs. Stearns a close second and Mr. Stearns finds the last one! Mary Ann Kate is eliminated. Kate complains that the treasure chest was dark and she had a hard time seeing it. Come on Kate, everyone else was having the same problems.

The third item is a ship in a bottle. Gilligan Chris is first again with Lovey Mindy getting the second. Mr. Stearns is eliminated. Lovey is all worried as she thinks Glenn is in trouble for possibly getting voted out. BRAK BRAK BRAK! WTFevah!

The last item is a ship’s wheel and Mrs Stearns finds the wheel and Gilligan loses immunity. I mean Gilligan doesn’t win the safety ring.

Now we have to suffer through more strategy talk as Glenn thinks he could be voted out. The Stearns are worried that Mary Ann Kate will be the swing vote because Chris and Jim will vote Glenn.

Thurston Glenn is not cutout for sports. To break the nervous tension, he decides to use bamboo as a bat and tosses a rock in the air and swings and misses! He does this 8 more times and gets nowhere close to hitting the rock! The sound of the bamboo swishing through the air is hilarious. Glenn didn’t get any closer to hitting the rock than I would score by hitting on Gilligan Chris.

Thurston Glenn goes to Gilligan Chris to make sure they are on the same wavelength. In a confessional, Chris says he didn’t listen to Glenn because he has no room in his strategy for his (Glenn’s) ideas! Chris, what is your strategy? I am going to vote the way I want and be damn with everyone else? Great way of thinking!

The people are more like idiots than I thought. Skipper Jim tells Thurston Glenn that he is going to play this game a loner and will win as one! Yeah, right Jim, you will lose still being an idiot!

Here we go to Voodoo Village to see who is eliminated next. Lovey Mindy votes first with a Skipper doll. Skipper Jim votes Mr. Stearns and so does Gilligan. Thurston Glenn votes Skipper and Mary Ann Kate is the swing vote. Mary Ann Kate Stays true to her alliance and Skipper Jim says his goodbyes!

Gilligan Chris is upset with Kate because she didn’t vote with him to vote-off Glenn. Mary Ann Kate wants to keep her word BRAK BRAK BRAK! These idiots are getting on my nerves.

Being the idiot that she is, Kate goes to the Stearns and tells them everything about Gilligan being upset. This gives Glenn the leverage he needs to get Mary Ann Kate away from her alliance with Gilligan. Glenn and Mindy continue to plot as Mary Ann Kate leaves and Jiffy Jr comes on the radio with an announcement interrupting them. Jiffy Jr tells them to report to the lagoon for the final safety challenge!

Dabo, there wasn’t a good ending to the first hour so I will let you land this crippled plane and put us out of our misery. I would have ended my summary with Skipper getting the boot but this was the first commercial after the boot. Let me know if you need anything more from me!

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