Survivor: Palau - Episode 5 Summary

'The Old Man and the Freak' By Devious Weasel

• Kate helps Jack to locate and identify Sayed Ali.

• Palmer places Stanton under arrest, but he won't break. Palmer realizes he must go to extremes to make Stanton talk.

• Kim hits her low point of the day, and the show hits the low point of it’s existence, when she encounters a cougar in the woods.

Sorry. That was previously on 24.

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Previously on Survivor:

• Willard was granted two confessionals so we would recognize him in case something happens to him this week.

• Bobby Jon was openly mocked by the film editors.

• In one of the coolest social experiments you could ever hope to see, Angie showed that even the goth chick can be turned into a bullying jock under the right circumstances.

• Ulong continued to cement their role in Survivor history, and their place in the Survivor lexicon (“Man, the 49ers Ulonged so bad last year they should have just Ostened and gotten it over with.”) with yet another stunning challenge performance. At tribal council, when Probst said “The idiot tribe says what?” the entire Ulong tribe said “What?” Angie and Steph realized their error right away. Ibe and Bobby Jon got it a few minutes later. James, days later, is still asking “What does the idiot tribe say?”

• Oh, and someone is getting voted out tonight. Good. I was worried this might be a non-elimination leg.

Cue opening credits and opening commercials.

Home Depot, where you can find the absolute best names in POWER! We can do it – they can help. A stripper for Old Spice deodorant. Arm and Hammer toothpaste, which you use by leaving an opened box of it in your mouth to absorb odors. The Ring 2, and you can put me in the apparently short line of people who said “That was it?” after watching The Ring. Which perhaps is now The Ring 1. And you should never answer the first ring anyway – it makes you look desperate. Course, the commercial says that The Ring 2 is better, scarier than the first. I just wish they would set their goals higher. L’Oreal wrinkle decreasing cream. Or wrinkle decreasing clear. I’m not sure. Fat old guys doing stuff for sleep medicine. (I’m a fat old guy – I can say it.) And the CBS movie Spring Break Shark Attack. I? Can hardly wait.

Back. Koror. It’s raining, but Gregg and Jenn are, as Coby puts it in confessional, pairing off. Coby says they are stupid if they think nobody thinks they are pairing off. Say, isn’t this the exact same confessional James gave two weeks ago about Jeff and Kim? That coupling sure worked out, didn’t it?

Still Koror. Tom asks Willard if he’s watching the fire. Willard’s in the hammock. Tom apparently never saw Survivor Amazon, or he would know that you never, ever, put the old guy in the tribe in charge of the fire. But Koror does, even though Willard appears to be talking in his sleep as Tom puts him in charge.

Over at Ulong, James and Bobby Jon have decided that they need to find a cave to stay out of the rain. In confessional, Bobby Jon admits that it was his idea, and that he has never really been lost in the wilderness. Well, there’s a first time for everything. Ulong is stumbling around in the dark in the jungle. Ibe, Steph, and Angie start to get a little upset about it. James tells Angie that no one is going to hurt and that it’s an adventure. Bobby Jon tells Angie not to get all down his throat about it. Strangely enough, Coby has often said the same thing. Angie thinks they should go back to camp. Steph criticizes her for that, then comes up with the wonderful idea that they should go back to camp. As Ulong huddles under their shelter, James exhorts them that they cannot quit, they cannot falter. He then starts saying something about the strawberries.

Sun comes up, it’s Tuesday morning. There’s a rainbow, though James says the clouds indicate that more rain will be coming. The mood at Ulong is lower than, well, than something that’s really low.

Back at Koror, things are so positive even the sea creatures are trying to join them on land. Tom is upset that he had to tend the fire all night because Willard fell asleep and didn’t do his fire duty. Tom says he had to climb over Willard in the hammock every time he had to tend to the fire. I don’t know why Tom was sleeping with Willard in the hammock. Tom and Gregg vent about Willard, Gregg saying that the longer you keep Willard around the more chances he has to screw with you. Well, maybe if you didn’t sleep in the hammock with him, that wouldn’t be a problem. Tom says something about imagining having to put up with that in the real world. Yeah, imagine having to put up with co-workers who don’t do their share and then turn around and grab all the glory from you. Tom’s right. That would never happen in the real world.

In confessional, Gregg says that since they keep winning immunity, people haven’t had to make alliances or play that part of the game. As a result, Willard has gotten a free ride in the game. The Mark Burnett future foreshadowing dial is turned all the way to nine.

And now we’re at the challenge. No tree mail, but if there had been, it would have gone something like this:

Ulong, you svck. By the way, both tribes are going to send someone home too. But more importantly, Ulong, you svck.

Jeff describes the challenge. The tribes will race out to a wreck, dive down, and try to recover Saki bottles. They get to the wreck by a raft tied to a pulley system. They are brought back the same way. The first tribe to get six bottles wins.

The reward? Dinner and a show. The dinner is beef stew and root beer (generics – apparently Dinty Moore and A&W were unwilling to cough up the appearance fee). The show is the other team’s tribal council. For although both teams will be going to tribal, the challenge winner gets to sit in on the challenge loser’s tribal. This makes this a much better reward for Koror than Ulong. After all, the Ulong Tribal Council Show has been running for 12 nights, playing to packed houses and getting good reviews. The Koror Tribal Council Show hasn’t even been playing off-Palau houses, and everyone knows only friends and family go to opening night.

The challenge starts, and something unusual happens. We’re at the point in the show where the opening segment should end and we go to commercial. But we don’t. We’re still in the challenge. Jenn and Steph go against each other first. Jenn gets the first Saki bottle, and Koror gets it to their dock first.

Gregg and Angie are the next grouping. Angie gets in the water first and gets her bottle first. For some reason, Koror has trouble getting the skiff back, and Ulong and Ibe are on their way back to the wreck. Except Ibe has taken swimming lessons from Osten, and he makes three dives without getting a bottle. James finally tells Ibe to get on the raft. They bring him back and Tom and Bobby Jon go out. Koror is now at three bottles, Ulong still at two. Tom gets his bottle and makes it right back. So does Bobby Jon.

Koror sends Ian out. Ulong sends James. But Ian is having trouble now. James gets a bottle, Ian goes to the surface empty handed. James brings his bottle back, and the teams are tied at four-four. Steph comes out and gets a bottle just as Ian finds one. The two skiffs are back quickly. Ian goes right back out, as does Steph. Ian dives right back to the spot where he was, gets a bottle and comes to the surface. So does Steph, but she’s slightly behind Ian. As a result, Koror wins reward again.

The plan? Koror goes to tribal first, votes someone out, then gets fed as Ulong goes to tribal and does the same. As we fade out, we’re finally back to commercials.

Buick. Aerosmith selling Buick. Lamisil, for people who have small animated figures living under their toe nails. Dennis Miller for Netzero telling us that he really doesn’t understand why more people don’t use Netzero. Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but what I really don’t understand is why anyone would give this washed-up has been a gig when he’s got the sense of humor of a pet rock. But that’s just me – I could be wrong. Three guys at Friday’s more interested in the waiter carrying a food order than the hot chicks approaching their table. Wally World. The Incredibles on DVD and Video. Don't you love it at the end when the little kid on the tricycle says "That was totally wicked!"? Some sports tournament coming on CBS. March madsomething or other. Cold Cuts Files, CBS Sundays.

Back at Koror, Ian does the Elaine Benes dance. He’s got happy feet! He also sings! See, I told you Koror would be a poor choice for putting on a show. In confessional, Ian says that Ulong is really decimated and that tonight they’ll be a party in his mouth. Shouldn’t that be Coby’s confessional? Coby expresses the opinion that they should do their best not to say laugh or taunt when watching Ulong at tribal. Ian then sings about not having to go crabbing. Caryn looks pained. (Nothing new there, huh?) Coby calls him crazy.

Back at Ulong, James is complaining about Ibe. He says the manly thing to do would be for Ibe to have openly quit right away instead of trying three times to retrieve a bottle. Okay… Steph is openly hoping for a merge. Bobby Jon says everything happens for a reason. Ibe says he panicked and single-handedly lost the challenge. Bobby Jon promises to let him know what is up.

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