Skating With Celebrities - Episode 2 Summary

'Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Judges?' By WaterDrop

Scott promises that tonight will be fun. Summer reminds us that the pair with the lowest combined score after tonight will be sent home. Bummer.

The current standings:
Jillian Barberie and John Zimmerman: 51.8
Nancy Kerrigan and Dave Coulier: 49.3
Tai Babilonia and Bruce Jenner: 48.8
Kurt Browning and Deborah Gibson: 48.0
Jenni Meno and Todd Bridges: 47.7
Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler: 47.5

Only 4.3 points separates the top pair (Jillian/John) from the bottom (Kristy/Lloyd), so Scott tells us that tonight isn’t about winning; it’s about avoiding elimination. Game on.

Tonight’s Element: In addition to the spin with three revolutions from last week, skaters must do synchronized footwork, which Scott says involves skaters doing tricky steps that must cover at least half the length of the ice. What Scott means is that skaters must do some sort of movement that may or may not resemble actual skating without falling down.

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Tonight’s Musical Theme: Music from the 70’s

First up: Kristy and Lloyd

Practice:
Lloyd thinks Kristy can do it, but Kristy’s worried because she can’t act her way out of it. Lloyd wants to make her feel comfortable. This is a really boring practice video. Their skating together has improved, though.

Tonight:
She’s wearing a blue…ummm…thing. They’re pants and a shirt with fringe, I guess. He’s wearing a matching blackish-silverish thing with a silver vest. They’ve got headbands on. The song is Boogie Fever.

They start with some hip swiveling. They take a couple of steps, then some more hip swiveling. This time the hip swiveling borders on grinding with his hand placed firmly on her bottom. Moving on to the footwork sequence. We’ve got three turns (kind of). We’ve got glides with weird leg kicks. We’ve got arm movements. We’ve even got a stop. Nothing terribly difficult, but they looked good doing it.

More dancing. A grapevine on toepicks. Then there’s this thing that’s I almost mistook for a bounce spin in a funny position, but then I realized that it was because her trunk muscles weren’t tight enough to keep her leg in one spot. She comes out of it poorly (her blade was almost perpendicular to the direction of travel) and almost fell, but I’ll give her points for having the guts to be spun around without having any appendages on the ice. It’s a scary feeling. The spin is longer than 3 revolutions, on one foot, and with a decent free leg position. Her arms are even above her head, which makes things harder. My night is getting better already.

More dancing, then a lift that used a spiral as an entrance. Her spiral is not so good, so that’s probably not the entrance I would have chosen, but I guess it worked. The position was so-so. He puts her down, dips her, and it’s over.

The judges’ comments:
Dorothy Hamill: She loves the 70’s. Great connection.

Mark Lund: Wonderful energy, wonderful program.

John Nicks: He thought the last program was deplorable, but this week was good. Lloyd is a strong skater, and he showed it. No comments at all about Kristy’s skating…

My comments: So much better than last week. Kristy really needs to work on her flexibility and core body strength, especially if they’re going to be doing lifts. I can’t get over how much better they look this week.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 8.5
Dorothy Hamill: 8.4
Mark Lund: 8.3
Total Technical Merit= 25.2

Artistry:
John Nicks: 8.6
Dorothy Hamill: 8.5
Mark Lund: 8.4
Total Artistic Impression= 25.5

Combined Score (Tonight): 50.7/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 98.2

Next up: Nancy/Dave

Practice:
There’s challenging choreography in the new program. He made Nancy fall. WHHHHYYYYYY?????? Why did he do this to poor Nancy? Why her? Why now? So many questions, but there’s one question I can answer. I watched it in slow motion twice, and there is no evidence of a big black pipe.

Uh oh. After Nancy fell down, Dave apologized and tried to help her up, but she says she can’t move her leg. WHHHHYYY???

Dave has trouble remembering programs. No word on Nancy’s injury, but she’s back on my TV, so I guess she’s ok, but they’ll probably only get the silver medal because of it.

Tonight
She’s wearing a blue dress. He’s wearing jeans and a black shirt and sunglasses. They’re skating to Get Up Off Of That Thing.

She starts on a stool. I wish she’d stay there.

They do forward crossovers. They do backward crossovers. He hindersassists in a camel spin that moves so slowly that I’m not entirely sure Nancy’s moving. He sits on the stool. Since when are props allowed? What kind of competition is this? While sitting on the stool he tries to dance in that horribly awkward looking way that only sober white guys can do. Nancy skates around to try to distract from his dancing and to make the judges forget that one of them isn’t skating.

I think the next thing that happens is the footwork sequence. I say “I think” because Dave doesn’t do anything except glide on two feet. There’s a change in direction, but it’s still just a two-foot glide. Nancy, on the other hand, does a waltz jump…but no footwork. Oh, wait. That’s right. The footwork has to be synchronized, so that can’t be it. They just did essentially nothing for a full length of the ice because Dave can’t skate. Sorry.

Nancy does a death drop, but nobody died. Sorry about that, too. The spin is on two feet and slow. Really slow. Painfully slow.

Oh, the real footwork sequence! Let’s see what they do. Dave does an inside spread eagle, but he isn’t flexible, so his knees are bent and he’s hunched over. Nancy does a spiral behind him, which is kind of brave considering Dave’s skating ability. Dave sits down on the stool and dances again. Nancy sits on his lap to make him stop. They end a second or two before the music, but it feels like an eternity. Wait. That wasn’t a footwork sequence.

I’m so confused. I’ll rewind the tape and check on this synchronized footwork thing. Yep, it definitely said “synchronized.” Now, I skated on a synchronized skating team, so I know what synchronized means. It means that you do the same thing at the same time, not that one of you glides on two feet while the other one does things that aren’t much more difficult, but a little more difficult.

I’ll rewatch the tape again to make sure. Oooohhhh, I see it now. It’s that 3 second long time where there are moving dots on my screen because the camera is so far away. Okay. They did a footwork sequence. I can’t see what exactly they did, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t hard.

The judges’ comments:

Mark Lund: He was thoroughly entertained last week, but this week he was thoroughly not entertained.

Dorothy Hamill: It looked like they were having trouble getting in synch, but they look cute. Obviously Dorothy and I did not watch the same program because “cute” was not in the top 100 words I would use to describe them.

John Nicks: Nancy, good skating. Dave’s hockey skating helps some things, but not the artistry. He needs to work on his upper body and get some elegant moves. Where is him feminine side? Funny, I wanted to ask Nancy that same question…She used to be a fairly elegant skater. Now, not so much.

My comments:
Please go home. Now. They were boring. Beyond boring, even. They didn’t do anything, so I can’t comment on technique. It’s pretty hard to screw up sitting on a stool…though they came close.

Scores – (Scale of 1 to 10):
Technical Merit:
John Nicks: 7.9 For what? Name one thing that was hard enough for a 7.9, John. Just one.
Dorothy Hamill: 8.0 See above, but add more emphasis.
Mark Lund: 7.8
Total Technical Merit= 23.7

Artistry:
John Nicks: 7.9
Dorothy Hamill: 8.0 Dorothy, I wish you had been a judge for my competitions because I would have won every competition I entered. I love you, but you gave them an 8.0 for artistry? I would have given them something along the lines of a 2.0.
Mark Lund: 7.8
Total Artistic Impression= 23.7

Combined Score: 47.4/60.0
Combined Score (Last week and tonight): 96.7

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