The Amazing Race: All-Stars - Episode 9 Summary

'Dirty Pirate Hookers Do Malaysia' By emydi

Uchenna and Joyce and Danny and Oswald are the first to leave Krakow Poland at 9:48 p.m. because last week they got to do the lame intersected FF brought to you by the Count on Sesame Street. They find out that they are going to cahaya’s old stomping grounds in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (KLM).

Danny and Oswald tell us they know how to resolve issues…it’s been 13 years and hey, they know how to cry to get what they want.

Uchenna and Joyce decide to go to the Concierge desk at the hotel and find out that there’s a flight that goes to KLM via Frankfurt but the connecting time is only 1 hour. It gets into KLM about an hour before the flight that goes thru Paris.

Danny and Oswald decide to go to their room and call someone…they find out about the same two flights and amazingly decide to not risk the tight connection.

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Back at the Concierge desk, Uchenna and Joyce are debating between the trips. A shadowy figure is seen behind the desk and coughs “book it." Joyce finally decides “What the heck, what could happen to us?”

At 2:52 a.m. Miss NY and Miss Cali (BQs) leave and decide, we’re not going back to that hotel…let’s let our oobies get us a taxi to the airport.

Mirna and Charla leave at 3:16 am and decide that they need to check their AOL accounts. They find their way to the 2 computers in the hotel but see that they have 0 emails despite the fact they’ve been gone for over a month. Well, as long as they are there, they figure why not check out what the Travelocity Gnome has to say about flights to KLM.

Erica and Daniel leave 6 minutes later and decide to check how many computers the hotel has. They find that the 2 being used by M/C but M/C just can’t spare a square. Erica does his best imitation of Mirna as they’re off to the airport instead.

The Travelocity Gnome went to a better a Concierge School than the guy at the hotel and M/C find a better flight leaving earlier going to KLM via Warsaw and Vienna. I guess it’s true…The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music Mirna’s incessant harping on Charla.

Erica and Daniel meet up with their best friends, the BQs, at the airport and immediately tell them about how M/C didn’t share the computers in study hall.

M/C show up and ask if they could ask the desk person a question. Erica tells them, like, no.

The BQs use their best spying skills that they learned while scooping out Miss NJ and Miss Nevada at the pageant and find out that U/J are going to get some hot dogs instead of French fries…but they dont' even bother to find out that Mirna and Charla are going to get more sausage…

Erica confirms with U/J that they are indeed going to Frankfurt not Paris and informs them that they will need 45 minutes to connect on an international flight. See, he learned that in Africa...and you thought he went to Colege.

Uchenna smiles at poor little Erica and mumbles under his breath…”I guess he didn’t watch TAR 7.” At that exact moment you hear a HA! from behind Uchenna and see a shadowy figure dash away towards “International Departures.”

We next see the 3 flights leave and then U/J landing in Frankfurt...a shadowy figure runs up past them with Uchenna saying, WTH? They remember Erica’s telling words but say, our flight was just 10 minutes late…so we should be fine.

The shadowy figure is seen talking to the person at the counter and then immediately rushes behind the counter…he learned that from Charla.

Uchenna and Joyce walk up to the counter and Uchenna says “My dear fraulien, where is OUR plane.” The woman says “Just one moment” and is punched in the knees from below the counter…

CounterWoman: I’m Sorry sir’ but it is impossible.

Uchenna: Do you know who we are?

CounterWoman: I’m sorry Sir but it is impossible.

Uchenna: Gimme that phone. I need to call the airport in San Juan. They’ll straighten this out.

shadowy figure scampers off

CounterWoman: Here you go, Sir.

Uchenna: The number they gave me is no longer in service….I guess I ‘ll have to call the Pilot…get him on the phone...

Waits 5 minutes...

CounterWoman: Here you go, Sir.

Uchenna: Yes, it is a matter of life and death..we need to get to KLM, that guy in San Juan did this for us, what’s the problem…

Pilot: I don’t know what you are talking about, we are leaving without you…our last passenger has just stowed his Texas Hold ‘em gear in the overhead bins…*DIAL TONE*

Uchenna and Joyce: (looking up and screaming)

RAAAAAAAAAAWWWWBBBBBBBBB!”

Cut to a laughing Rob spread out in both of U/J’s seats on the flight to KLM

****

Meanwhile back in KLM, Mirna and Charla find the train to Putra to take them to Batu Caves…they race out onto the street and Mirna falls in front of the bus to stop it and says…”Charla do I have to do everything?” They arrive at the Caves and climb UP the stairs to the clue box…they read “ Caution YIELD AHEAD” and are told to take a taxi to the Kampung Baru Mosque and look around for the clue box.

The BQs, their best friends Erica and Daniel and Danny and Oswald land and each find a different way to the Cave steps . Danny and Oswald arrive first, then the BQs and their monkeys and then finally Erica and Daniel.

Mirna and Charla find the clue box up MORE stairs and find….DETOUR…Artful Expressions or Cookie Creations. In Artful Expressions the teams have to recreate a cloth with an intricate design. In Cookie Creations, they have to locate the one cookie in 600 boxes with the Licorice filling.. Mirna Loves licorice so they are off…

Danny and Oswald are still looking for the clue when the BQs see them and the clue box. They have decided to yield Erica and Daniel because, physically, Daniel, is too much for them. They decide that they are artists not eaters and go to the other detour. Darn, they could’ve really perfected their purge techniques for the next pageant.

Mirna and Charla are busy biting cookies and working the crowd…seems that cahaya told all of KLM about the Schmirnas.

Question…are all the middles black, if not, can’t they just break them open with their hands?

Danny and Oswald are bickering today and finally find the clue box. “OHNOTHEYDINNIT” Oswald comments about BQs yielding Erica and Daniel. Danny wants to do cookies…Oswald…not so much.. But what Danny wants…so they are off to the cookies.

Erica and Daniel finally get to the bridge and find that they have been yielded. Erica calls them “Dirty Hookers” no wait they’re “Dirty Pirate Hookers” no they’re “Fake Dirty Pirate Hookers” Daniel finally figures out that the BQs are not really going to the Prom with her after all….

Danny and Oswald make it to the cookies, see the mess Mirna and Charla left behind, and Danny starts just checking one cookie per box…Oswald tells him he can’t read and they decide to do the other detour….they storm off into the streets of KLM to find a taxi…to no avail…they continue to talk and decide no let’s go back to the cookies…and they go back……no wait, let’s do the other one…they get in the cramped taxi and Danny tells Oswald “Gimme my space.”

Danny and Oswald get to the other detour after Mirna and Charla have already gotten there and watched the BQs complete the task. Mirna again tells Charla that she will have to do this challenge also because you know, little people can’t paint.

The BQs get the clue and are told to go to the Taman Sir Hartamas neighborhood. They find the clue box: ROAD BLOCK. One team member must take a bike and gather newspapers to recycle. Dustin, was a paper girl, so, of course, Kandice does the Road Block. Kandice is off into the neighborhood with her little bell and basket to see if she can get people to “sell” her newspapers.

Meanwhile back at the yield, Erica and Daniel, like the DAYS of OUR LIVES, they watch the final sands of the hourglass empty into the bottom. They then decide to eat some cookies…

Kandice is really working it for paper and she has about 6 12 year old boys do all the work for her…she finishes in no time flat.

Mirna and Charla finish the Detour while Danny and Oswald find that they cannot count as well this week and must start over. Daniel finds the black filled cookie relatively quickly…

The BQs make it to the pit stop first where Phil is waiting there with beautiful Miss KLM. Not to be outdone by the home team, the BQs immediately push her down in order to hug Phil. They each win a Retro-Scooter (and I ask myself wth is a retro scooter).

The other three teams get to the Road Block and Mirna again has to do this challenge because although Krakow, Poland has a small Suit of Armor, in all of KLM there is not one bike small enough for Charla. Mirna pretends to know how to ride a bike and is off.. Although she doesn’t get young boys to help her…she gets other kids to help her. They are the “FUTURE OF KLM” and need to STAY OUT OF DRUGS and IN SCHOOL. She finishes pretty quickly. They make it to Phil second…

Oswald tells Danny that he will bungie jump but not ride a bike. So Danny has to perform this cardio road block.

Erica tells Daniel the same thing and Daniel gets on the bike.

Daniel is getting papers but then her bike gets a flat and she has to walk it back and finds out that she needs more paper. She then tells us all that this is a “boy” road block and that Erica gets all the “girl” road blocks. Who knew, Erica was a Sorority Girl and not a Frat Boy at Colege.

I don't know, I don't think Danny would agree…let’s see…what is different about Danny from the other 3 performing this Road Block who had no problems finding papers

He is trying to work it but getting nowhere, he does get some lemonade though. He is reduced to going to the local Taman Sri Hartamas 7-11 and offering all of his money and his body to the clerk. The clerk says “Sorry, I only like Dirty Pirate Hookers.”

Danny, his honor still in tact, finally gets back to Oswald. Erica and Daniel have already left. They get to the mat 3rd despite those “Fake dirty pirate hookers.”

Danny confesses to Oswald that he had lemonade and is fine. They get to the mat 4th.

Meanwhile, the race continues and the 3rd team reaches the final mat in Miami with only 9 other teams watching…. finally Uchenna and Joyce make it to KLM. They find the Bat Cave clue box and hope they are still in it. The clue says “Go directly to the Pit Stop” Uchenna and Joyce both think they still have a chance and it’s a non-elmination round. (in fact, originally it probably was but the time difference was too great so they just eliminated them because the 30 minute penalty would have been meaningless.)

Uchenna and Joyce finally reach the mat but Phil and Miss KLM are no where to be found…they’re busy with the BQs . Instead Rob meets them there and finally gets his wish to say “I’m happy to tell…*UJ see some hope* ……you that you’ve been eliminated!!!! Rob’s wicked laugh is muted when Uchenna gets his hands around his neck….

Next time on TAR, well, there’s 4 weeks left of shows and 4 teams left….WTF do you think’s gonna happen next week…

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