Survivor: All Stars - Episode 6 Summary

'A Very Special Viewer Advisory' By Bebo

Scene: Blue Offices

AyaK: Bebo, you got a package.
Me: Who’s it from?
AyaK: There’s no name on the package, but it looks like it’s from CBS.
Me: How can you tell?

*AyaK points to the Eye symbol on the return label.*

Me: Oh.

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*I open the package and find a thermos. I open it and sniff.*

Me: Smells like Kool-Aid.

*AyaK pulls a note out of the package.*

Dear A.S.S. Episode 6 Summary Writer,

Thought you might enjoy a tasty beverage while you watch the show.

Signed, A Friend

AyaK: All these “anonymous” notes, and they still haven’t learned.

Me: So, whose stationery did they use this time – Les Moonves or Mark Burnett?

WARNING: This summary contains references to the most boring Survivor ever. Viewer discretion is advised.

Previously on A.S.S…
• The most absorbent reward challenge ever!
• One big blurry blob rubs up against another big blurry blob during the immunity challenge.

WARNING: This summary will treat this most boring episode with the same level of taste and compassion that CBS and Mark Burnett did. Viewer discretion is advised.

• The winner of the first Survivor is voted out. The king is dead, long live the queen.

WARNING: This summary will not include detail on the commercials, since this summary writer cannot do them justice like Landru. Viewer discretion is advised.

Mixin’ It Up With Mogo Mogo

Jerri: OhmyGod, what a scramble, and I don’t mean eggs, even though I talk about food ALL.THE.TIME. Hatch tried to save that naked blurry blob of a butt. Since I’m Kathy’s bitch, I almost didn’t know who to vote for.

WARNING: This summary contains references to three women bathing together in a completely non-sexual way. Viewer discretion is advised.

Kathy, Shii-Ann, and Jerri hang out together in the water and discuss the previous night’s vote. Kathy explains that she wanted to save Colby, and she also wanted to make sure she didn’t mess things up with Lex. I’d explain her logic to you, but that would imply I found her conversation interesting enough to have paid attention. Shii-Ann comments that Kathy’s the biggest power player. Well, when compared to two players for whom the lights may be on but there’s definitely no one home, that statement doesn’t impress me much. It’s kinda like saying Jerri was the best builder on Saboga.

Happy Chappy Food Fest

WARNING: This summary contains innuendo about various wanna-be alpha males. Viewer discretion is advised.

Rupert’s playing with his spear. Tom admits a fondness for Rupert and his spear, but Tom’s concerned Rupert could take his place. Rupert sees a wide-open role as provider and is eager to jump on it.

WARNING: This summary has gone down a pathetic road that leads to some pretty disgusting mental pictures. Viewer discretion – and a barf bag – are advised.

Meanwhile, Sue is playing her own game and forming an alliance with the snails on the rock. After all, no one else will ally with her.

See Rupert. See Rupert fish. Fish Rupert, fish.

WARNING: This summary contains pompous boasting by an arrogant buffoon. Viewer derision is encouraged.

Rob: Look at Grizzly Adams out there catching fish for Me. OK, I’ll let him catch fish for Me. He’ll catch fish for Me until I decide it’s time for him to go home.

Mogo Mogo and (ahem) Strategy

Shii-Ann: I heard what you said about me not doing anything.

Colby: Of course you did. I said it at Tribal Council.

SA: Why did you say it?

C: Because it’s true. And I don’t respect that under the radar strategy.

Colby continues talking, but I prefer Shii-Ann’s version of his speech: “Blah blah blah, lecture lecture lecture.” She then tells the camera that “we’re equals, but I’m not dumb enough to tell him that.” Oh Shii-Ann, get some self-respect – you can do better than be equal with that.

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