Survivor: All Stars - Episode 10 Summary

'That’s What Friends Are For' By shakes the clown

Usually, at this point in the summary the writer starts off with some sort of intro, a brief monologue of sorts laced with biting humor and timely anecdotes. But, unfortunately for you, I don’t tend to do things in the usual way. So, today, I’d like to start out with a formal apology for the horribly boring summary you are about to read, or actually more accurately, about to probably not read.

But, you see, its not my fault, really its not. Let’s all take a little trip in the way-back machine so you can understand what I’m talking about. Back when it was revealed that this season was going to be an allstar edition someone at SB.com came up with the brilliant idea of having the site’s greatest Survivor summary writers each take a stab at summarizing the allstar edition. After all, if MB was going to give us his allstars, then SB.com was going to give you its allstars.

So, of course, I was the first person contacted. But, at first I declined. After all, I haven’t written a Survivor summary since Australia....and that wasn’t cause I had writer’s block, it was cause this show had become so predictable and boring that I no longer possessed the creative ability to make people complaining all day about being hungry sound interesting. But, then Webby sent me a tearful, desperate email pleading with me to reconsider...and something about that email made me change my mind. I think it was this part right here....

“....and Shakes don’t tell any of the other writers that I told you this, but we all know that they are just filler, a bunch of blabbering nobodies who couldn’t come up with an analogy if they were locked in a closet with an LSAT exam. If I had my choice I’d have you write every summary this site ever published. Please, please please please Shakes you have to help me out on this one. Do you realize we haven’t had a new member sign up for the site since last July? Do you also realize that last July was the last time you wrote a summary for me, for Paradise Hotel? Do you think the two are just a coincidence cause I don’t! I’ll tell you what, do this favor for me and I’ll even let you replace Ayak as moderator. The guy’s been threatening to leave for the past two years anyway.”

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So, you see, how could I turn Webby down. So, I turned my attention to the task of picking the episode I wanted to summarize. And here is where it all went to hell. I figured, its allstars, there’s gonna be a lot of good stuff to write about. But, I don’t want to pick too early of an episode cause nothing good ever happens in the beginning. And I don’t want to pick too late of an episode cause there’s nothing worse than having to summarize this show when there’s only like four of five whores left. So, after carefully thinking about it I decided I would take episode #10....its just after the merge so there will still be a handful of people left in the game and looking at the cast list that means that I will still be able to skewer such Survivor summary writer favorites as Rich Hatch, Sue Hawk, Rudy , Jerri, the Colbster, Rob C and Benedict Tina. Right! Right? But, then something unexpected happened...every single interesting person in the cast got themselves voted off (or quitted off) one by one in the first nine episodes leaving me with a cast of Ambers, Jennas, Ruperts and incoherent Toms. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I know I’m a fabulous writer, but even Da Vinci couldn’t work with this rotten slab of clay.

So, for that, I apologize in advance. If this summary is boring and uneventful keep in mind that you’ve been forewarned.

And now I find myself sitting here in front of the computer on Easter Sunday, four days after the show was on, and I still have nothing to write about. But, that reminds me, there’s some things about this whole Easter thing that I don’t get and maybe its cause I’m a Jew and my people killed Jesus and hopefully Mel Gibson’s future film career as well, but maybe some of you could help this Jew acquire a little knowledge. Like first of all, the thing I don’t understand the most is why did Jesus carry the cross up the hill to get crucified? Why didn’t he just say, “hey Romans, go fvck yourselves, why don’t you carry your own damn cross...I’m just gonna sit right here.” I mean, what were they gonna do to him if he didn’t carry it, kill him?

And another thing, does anyone really believe that Jesus was a Jew? I mean, come on people, the guy was a carpenter. That’s like a manual labor job and if there’s one thing I know about Jews its that we don’t do manual labor...we hire out for that sort of thing.

Alright, have I sufficiently offended everyone yet? Can I move on to the summary safe in the assumption that no one is still reading this crap? Good, then let’s get this over with...

Previously, on Boston Roblic...

Alright, put away your email, I know that’s not the real name of the show. I’m just funnin with you. But, really, it should be the name of the show. Let’s just look at what happened in last week’s episode. First, Rob said this, then he did that, then he laughed about that other thing, then he won a challenge, then he said something else and in the end, some idiot voted out some other idiot instead of the idiot he should’ve voted out in the first place. Sound familiar? As in, its been that way in every single friggen episode since Jenna’s mom offed. So, let’s just move on to this week....

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