Big Brother 5 - Episode 19 Summary

'Karma Diem!!' By AMAI

Previously, Jase’s Look of Abject Horror at reuniting with the Cold Sore and the Girl It Rode In On. Seriously, wasn’t that the Best? What’re the chances we’ll be given a replay of the Best Moment of the Season?

I was sitting here on the Saturday night before my assigned episode airs, savoring the memory and getting an early start on my recap. If you’ve ever wondered how some of us manage to write extra long-recaps, this is one way to do it. Start early and keep writing all week until events begin to unfold during the Ep In Question. If they fail to unfold, make stuff up.

I’m sick of the TwinBeasts. If they can make it to the end with their newest loyal ally, Cowpat, this show will be wet and not wild. It will suck cyclonically. We'll be watching The Three Criers find stuff to cry over since at any given moment since the start of the show, one of them has been crying about something.

Now that I’m Lathered up, time to Rinse and Repeat. ChenBot’s recrap begins with her struggle to find the camera while simultaneously struggling to uncross her eyes followed by struggling to her feet from that sitting position in those pants that hung on her last year. She’s no longer a complete twig but she has also learned the art of camouflaging the camel-toe. She's in black and it looks good on her. I forget to look for the camel-toe.

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Adria (aka TwinBeast1) became HOH after a terribly difficult game of Push Your Luck, er, Puck. She had the cutest set of questions for those HGs willing to enter her lair and waste time sucking up. “Who shall I nominate?” followed by “Who would you save from the block?” What a philosophical quandary. Poor grammar is the least of the TwinBeasts’ worries.

Nicknames can get annoying after awhile, so with the exception of the TwinBeasts, Adrippa and Nardassly, I shall try to use their normal names. Well, except for “Cowpat” for that annoyingly loathsome little turd “Cowboy.” Oh and Nakomis, which cries out to be tweaked to Inacomis, because her voice sounds like she’s sort of in a coma. Not that she isn’t totally my favorite player, because she is. At least as much my favorite as Starvin’ Marvin is my favorite. He’s been extremely entertaining and Better Not Be Going Home tonight or there will be trouble.

Adrippa did not receive much in the way of worthwhile sucking up. Cowpat sucked up, but I said “worth while.” Being in an alliance with Cowpat is harder than it seems. Because you have to spend time with the little maggot and not even the TwinBeasts could completely disguise their boredom. And it can't be worth much when he brings NO skills to the table.

The TwinBeasts weren’t courted half as much as previous HOHs, or consulted, or even generally spoken to. I mean, folks talked about them, for sure. Tons. Endless moaning, whining b!tching and complaining. It has or will be covered later, here or in previous recaps or recaps to come, for this week.

Only her precious twin, Nardassly, spent quality time with Adrippa. They decided to nominate the black dude and the gay dude, to give them a chance to show what they’re made of, because those dumbnut TwinBeasts haven’t been paying attention All Game and taking note of the support that has come their way All Game Long. Instead, Adrippa preferred to let the Cowpat suck up and avoid his rightful due, which of course is being eliminated and sent packing to the jury house. If Adrippa meant what she said about sending the first juror in to be someone who wouldn’t poison others against her, she need have looked no further than the loathsome (to me anyway) Cowpat.

Will and Marvin were pissed because they really were hoping for some advance warning about being pawns and whatnot. Of course, they can't both be pawns, but they sure didn't expect to receive a Pep Talk as the explanation for their nominations. It’s childish to want a heads-up, but that’s what happens when you start with the advance warning b.s. in the first place.

And honestly, given the first few weeks when the Girl Power Group was busy being targeted and struggling, it really is a dumb move to not nominate Cowpat, or have a plan to nominate and evict him later. He was ALWAYS against the Pussy Alliance.

Quite a lot of time was spent whining about those b*tch TwinBeasts, who totally worked together on the nomination decision and yet totally want to be thought of as individuals. Which totally makes me choke on my Dasani. Actually, that working-together footage was mostly in the Live Feeds. There appear to be technical difficulties encountered whenever the prods come close to airing anything of interest reported by Live Feed Reporters in the actual episodes.

This week's POV “competition” must have been designed for Cowpat. However, he failed. How can you fail to select the correct stocking containing the POV? He must have forgotten the instructions given him in the DR. I mean, pick a box, then a stocking? What kind of dumbass competition is that? It was totally “special.”

Oh I almost forgot to recrap the completely lame Build A Burger Food Competition that resulted in half the house being on PB&J. The PB&J thing is old, lame and barely worth mentioning during the whole week. And I understand that people are cheating on it left and right. So it's just dumb. But I also feel it detracts from the overall show, because it makes people tired. And tired people tend to sleep. Which means they aren’t talking and strategizing or doing much of anything at all.

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