The Real World: Philadelphia - Episode 3 Summary

'Serving Sarah' By Mon Cherie

*Deep breath*

On to this week's episode.

Willie and Karomo are discussing the lack of a diverse gay scene in the area. Willie confesses he has gone almost a whole two years without being romantically involved. What a feat! He's picky though, and apparently he isn't "feeling" anyone he has met so far. That's probably a good thing. Everyone knows you have to smell someone before you feel them. Willie inquires what type of guy Karamo likes, and due to sound problems with my tv all I can pick up from Karma is "masterman", "flave" and "hip hop". Dude, I have SO got the guy for you. But I think he's dating Brigette Nielsen right now. Willie says he has dated all types of guys, thugs, wall street peeps, presidential candidates, and that he's either "really single" or totally committed to a relationship. "Really single"? Is that like "almost pregnant"? Willie and Karamo arrive at their destination, a gay club, and K is so happy to have Willie with him so he can do all the research on events and clubs in the area so he can tag along. At the club they watch a drag show, and Willie expresses his admiration for the drag queens, that they have bigger balls than anyone. Have I mentioned that sometimes the PG 13 thing doesn't work for some shows? I'm sure we can all dig through our dirty little minds and come up with our own punchline to that comment.

It's now daytime. We know this cause the house is completely quiet, everyone is sleeping their hangovers off. Oops, I was wrong. They're at the local greasy spoon ordering breakfast. Nothing like a good bagel and cream cheese to lighten up this group. Or a teaspoon of mimosa down Sarah's cleavage, which she was just talking about. Imagine that. Sarah is obsessed with her "most expensive accessory". Good, she has something to go with those overpriced jeans she bought. Sarah got her boobs as a graduation present. All I got were a bunch of those "Class of 1990" charms that I never wore. Maybe I should have been more specific on my grad party invitations.

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Melanie states she would never ever get breast implants, even if someone bought them for her. Mel, don't you know it's not polite to refuse a gift? Ah well, your Miracle bra is doing a good job, so you can afford to bypass the implants. Sarah is not happy with the way Melanie acts, thinking that everyone should think the way Mel thinks. If only more people did, maybe we would see a real "Real World". Mel suggests that Sarah has some type of self esteem issue. You think? I was leaning more towards delusions of grandeur as my diagnosis for her. We learn that breast implants are good, though, as they have apparently helped Sarah overcome an eating disorder. I have a feeling her ED will come into play for at least one episode, a la Trashelle.

The roomies wander the streets of Philly, and happen upon an Equality Forum. They shop for a few seconds then sniff out the alcohol. Karamo vehemently expresses to Mel that this is the "opposite of his spectrum, it's Willie's spectrum". I don't know what you like to do Karma, but Willie's spectrum seems pretty fun with really cool music.

Speaking of Willie, he has found love, for the moment, with Daniel, a guy he met in NY back in the old days, which is 2 years ago. Willie and Danny have a heart to heart and "do you like me check the box yes or no" notes are exchanged. They kiss and Willie invites Danny back to the house where Sarah's boobs are. I mean, it is all about Sarah and her boobs, let's admit it. They'll probably get more camera time than any RWer ever.

The group arrives home with mucho company, and Shavonda goes to warn MJ and Landon that they have a whole buncha people with them, and some of them are GAY! Oh heck! MJ and Landon are small town boys (MJ, Nashville is a small town?) and they are so not ready for "gay pride America" to move into the house.

After Queer Eye for the Straight Guy tour the house, Landon and MJ ponder the long term devastating effects being around "so many gay people", like learning tolerance and appreciating diversity. Willie and Danny talk about parents, religion and coming out, which is probably the most intellectual conversation of this episode.

Danny uses Willie's toothbrush as Willie asks the group if it's ok for Danny to spend the night. Willie earns respect points from me, even if his needing permission is a code for the production peeps to double check the night vision camera in his bedroom. Apparently it's not working, as it is morning again. Oh, they were only making out. Sarah tells Willie she is more than happy to go sleep in one of the guest beds (MJ's I'm sure) while he has company.

Ok, I'm looking at Sarah while she's talking to Willie, which seems like forever. I'm reaching into the very depths of my psyche to find something attractive about her and coming up empty handed. I'll admit her boobs seem to look good, but that's pretty much all she has going for her at this point. Which is probably why she talks about them so much.

Sarah spends 140 dollars on a pair of jeans, and the other girls are aghast. Do not fret gals, in 5 years she'll be 10g in credit card debt and working a kiosk at the mall. Just ask one of my old roomies, who had to buy every single Coach purse even though she couldn't pay the phone bill. Mel tells the guys of Sarah's purchase, which Sarah overhears, ensuring that she has something else to get dramatic about.

The drama starts with Sarah working her evil plot on Willie and MJ. MJ tells her if she doesn't like what someone says to confront the issue. Apparently MJ did not watch last season's Frankie-Greece fiasco. MJ and Sarah add fuel to the fire on their walk home from the gym. Sarah uses "like" and "you know" too much for me to interpret what she is saying. Back at the house, she pulls Mel aside, playing nice despite the vitriol she was spewing not even 5 minutes ago. Mel feels bad, or does a good job acting like it, and Mel, Sarah and Sarah's boobs kiss and make up.

Back to Willie and Danny, having the relationship talk (wow that was quick). Beddy-bye time, and the boys take a shower and I guess there is just one towel, cause Willie walks out of the bathroom nekkie. Shavonda has a heart attack when she sees a nekkie butt and the two guys in bed. Isn't there a door they can close? Likely not, because as Shavonda puts it, it's like "free porn on HBO". They have that? I need to call my HBO rep pronto cause I'm not getting free HBO period. MJ and Landon look like they are watching the Discovery Channel as they strain to see what Willie and Danny are doing.

Next week: Karamo gets in trouble with the law, because you're not a true DAW until you have your own page at The Smoking Gun.

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