Cupid - Episode 5 Summary

'Ten Little Indians' By Schnookie Palookie

1 little, 2 little, 3 little media ho's
4 little, 5 little, 6 little greedy bro's
7 little, 8 little, 9 little creepy shmo's
10 little devious pro's ....

I think host Brian (Chief Wanna-be-a-star) McFayden is on the wrong show. Someone get him over to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! Even my DH noticed his bad suit and WTF is up with his hair? Last week he had this long strand of hair hanging off the side of his face now this week he's all gelled up with two little pieces of spiked hair on top. Must be a gradual transition to a full Mohawk hairstyle.

Now, I'm a really shy person, so I cringe every time I watch these ho's sitting up on stage having their dates viewed by national TV. Not only that, they then get dumped on national TV. Oh, who do I think I'm kidding. Squirm baby, squirm!

Chief Wanna-be-a-star McFayden introduces the 10 little media ho's, who are sitting on stage holding arrows in their laps. All at once, they raise their arrows and hurl them at Laura's heart. Ok, that was wishful thinking on my part.

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Squaw Lisa (Dances with Wolves) Shannon, is welcomed back and gives Chief Wanna-be-a-star McFayden a raspberry-flavored kiss on the lips. Did he look surprised or what? He then introduces the two harpies, Squaw Laura (Sits With a Fist) and Squaw Kim (Sits Looking P!ssed).
*takes a quick puff from the peace pipe and begins to sing again*

Up on the podium, in a little studio
Sit 2 little harpies, are they friend or foe?
"Come on" said one harpie, "let's see who we can skewer",
And they bitched, and they harped, to the joy of, us, the viewer

Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
And they bitched, and they harped, 'till the men said "screw you"!

"Stop", said the media ho,
"I want a man to wed"
The two little harpies, laughed at her instead
And the two little harpies, went off with reckless glee
And they bitched, and they harped, 'till the men began to plea.

Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
And they bitched, and they harped, 'till the men were bid adieu.

"Whee!" yelled the little harpies,
"That was loads of fun.
We hurled our insults, and now they're all gone"
Our poor little media ho, they've left her all alone
Her dreams of winning a million, are now completely blown.

Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
Enough with silly rhymes - let's get on with the review!

Next up, the guy with the lowest score gets the shaft. Does anyone else think it would be funny it they have a Cupid 2 with women. I'd love to be the host telling them they are going to get the shaft.

Rob, (Dances with Losers) and Ken (Dances with Snoozers), are the two with the lowest scores and join Chief Wanna-be-a-star McFayden. The lights are dimmed, the tension mounts, and we see Rob look back at the other guys and mouth "I'm gone". He must have looked at the card and seen his name or he just knows he's a loser. Either way, he's the first guy to get the shaft on national TV. In a daze, he walks over and gives Dances with Wolves a hug. Awwwwwwwwwww.

Next, we see each ho take Dances with Wolves out on a date and show her their hobbies. *yawn* I'm slightly disappointed with the format of this show. I'd love to see some of the interaction of the guys together, when Dances with Wolves isn't around. Then again, after seeing the guys on Bachelor acting like a group of drunk college students, maybe it's best we see only the dates.

DATE #1 - Joe (WannaWigWam), age 25, Real Estate Developer, Elmwood Park Il

Joe (WannaWigWam) took Dances with Wolves dream wig-wam hunting. In the first wig-wam, they snuggled on a sofa together in a screening room. They then viewed a $22 million wig-wam with an indoor pool and bowling alley. After walking in through the 20-foot front door, WannaWigWam looks around and says "the furniture is too tall". That did it for me. I will forever have this vision of him sitting in a chair that's too big and his feet won't be able to reach the floor.

Judgements:
Sits With a Fist: She adores him & thinks he's a take-charge guy.
Sits Looking P!ssed: She likes him.
WannaWigWam: Initially at a loss for words then says that he hopes they can one day take their papooses wig-wam hunting.
Dances With Wolves: She had a great time.
Audience: Loved him.
Me: This guy cheats last week with the money then he takes her to million dollar homes. I think he's too concerned with money.

COMMERCIAL: We are told to go online for a chance to date a Cupid finalist. HUH? These guys are the rejected losers! Why would I want to date any of them?

DATE #2 - Evan (Sitting Bullsh!t), age 25, Volleyball coach from L.A.

Evan (Sitting Bullsh!t) takes Dances with Wolves ice-skating. He gives Dances with Wolves oven mitts to keep her hands warm. WARNING! WARNING! Man who give squaw oven mitts wants dinner cooked! They traded childhood stories, then she later sat in his lap while he nuzzled her neck. *barf*

Judgements:
Sits With a Fist: She was impressed with him this time.
Sits Looking P!ssed: Says she might have been wrong about him.
Sitting Bullsh!t: Brought a voodoo doll of him for Sits Looking P!ssed. Hand it to me. I'll use it.
Dances With Wolves: She thinks opposites really do attract.
Audience: They love him.
Me: There's something about this guy I just don't like. Too blond, too smiley, too smarmy. I still can't get over the fact that he wanted Sits With a Fist and Sits Looking Pissed to sit in his lap.

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