Cupid - Episode 9 Summary

'Sideshow Extravaganza' By Schnookie Palookie

The host of this freak show is Spike McFayden. Yeah, I know his name is Brian, but I'm going to call him Spike because of his hair. Is it just me or was Spike wearing the same gray pinstripe jacket that he wore last week? Anyway, Spike introduces the six sideshow freaks, then brings out the lovely Lisa (Lips) Shannon and sends her to the Kissing Booth to await her fate.

Spike then introduces us to the Sideshow critics Bitchy & Scratchy.

Somebody please get Scratchy a fashion advisor. Her taste in clothes is awful. However, if someone is actually being paid to choose her outfits for the show, then that person should be fired. Oh yeah, can somebody also pull out whatever is stuck up her butt so we can see her loosen up a bit?

THE HOUSE OF HO(RROR)’S
Hey, let's go visit the House of Ho(rror)'s. We see poor Hank being teased about him telling Lisa that he wanted to take off her clothes and make love to her. Okay, show of hands, how many of you wanted to see that scenario played out

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Anyhoo, there was some other chatter going on, but I didn’t get it all because I was too busy with my Hank fantasy. (I really should tape these shows, and I would, if I could figure out the VCR). The one important thing I caught from the conversations was that little Renda has revealed his true colors. He says that they aren’t there just for Lisa (like that’s a surprise to us). He then says that the real question is not how ready they are for Lisa, but whether Lisa is ready to marry one of them. HUH? Renda, Renda, Renda. Just when I was starting to like you. Okay, show of hands. Who thinks Renda will be waving bye-bye next week?

THE ELIMINATION
Ok it’s back to the Sideshow Extravaganza to see who gets the boot. The three freaks with the lowest scores stand up next to Spike. Dominic, Joe and Renda. Spike tells Renda he can go sit down as he is safe this week. It’s now down to Dom & Joe. We turn to the critic’s panel to get their opinion and see that Bitchy & Scratchy are having quite a tiff.

Poor Joe, he got in the way, and now lies on the ground bleeding. He tells Lisa that Evan is the best guy there and pleads for America to give his votes to Evan. He then says that when Lisa and Evan are married, they can double date with him and Bitchy. Jeez Joe. Couldn't you have waited until the show was over to move onto Bitchy? We then see Bitchy gleefully eyeing the wad (of cash) in Joe's pants. Bye-Bye Joe!

THE FREAKY COOK-OFF
Alright folks, it’s time for what you’ve all been waiting for. The freaks must play host to Lisa, her family and Bitchy & Scratchy. If they are successful, they will move on to the Kissing Booth with Lisa. Ok, who am I kidding. Even if they are unsuccessful, they’ll still get some lip action from Lisa Lips.

DATE #1 – EVAN (Sideshow Character: Charlie)

Evan’s plan was to make chicken fajitas. He called his dinner a mixture of Mexican and Hawaiian because he handed out lais. We get our first clue that Evan isn’t so good in the cooking department when we see the outdoor bbq go up in flames. The date was doomed from the beginning because Evan kept calling it a disaster and claiming it could turn out to be the worst experience of his life. Lisa’s father offered to help out and ended up doing most of the cooking. Now, all I saw was Mr. Shannon ask one question of Evan … whether he really feels he is ready to get married. Evan says yes, if he met the right girl. Mr. Shannon later says he liked Evan. He has an open and honest personality. How did he get all that from one question? Lisa’s brother, Brian, was a big surprise to me. He has several piercings on his face. Hmmmmmmm maybe he’d be interested in joining the Sideshow Freak Extravaganza. Anyway, Brian doesn’t like Evan and wants to expose him because he thinks he’s a fake (ala karate and ice-skating). Lisa’s mother wasn’t sure that Evan is really ready for the commitment of marriage. After the guests leave (except Lisa), Evan tells her that the date was a disaster. She placates him by taking him into the Kissing Booth for some nice smooch time. He whispers into her ear, “I could kiss you all night.”

Verdicts:
Bitchy: “Yeah, it was a disaster”. She then calls him a whiny little kid.
Scratchy agrees, saying he acted like a child with no maturity.
Evan: He agrees and apologizes to everyone for the way he acted.
Lisa: She says it was endearing that he was so nervous. Tells him he has a gift of making lemonade out of lemons, “and that’s the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Hmmmmmmmmmmmm Could this be Lisa's way of saying he’s the one?????

My comments: I didn’t really notice that he was acting whiney. (I must have still been having my Hank fantasy). Evan did seem frustrated but I could understand that. Not only was he meeting her family for the first time, he had to cook. Anyway, here's a couple of pacifiers for ya Evan. Now go to your room and stop acting like a baby.

Did anyone besides me notice Evan’s mouth as he was standing next to Spike at the end of the date? He kept opening his mouth slightly. The first and second time he did it, I thought maybe his mouth was dry and he’s lubricating it but he kept doing it, over and over and over again. It suddenly occurred to me that he looked like a ventriloquist’s dummy with his mouth being worked open and shut. Now, because of that, and because many people have claimed Evan is fake, I realize who Evan really is. He’s Charlie, the ventriloquist dummy.

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