The Apprentice 5 - Episode 12 Summary

'School Days' By zipperhead

Last week on The Apprentice: Somebody got fired. It doesn’t really matter who or why, does it?

Trump summons the five remaining candidates to have them buy some of his watches meet some reps from Microsoft and Wal-Mart. If you think of Microsoft as the creator of the cultural world we now live in and Wal-Mart represents the spirit that fills our world, then it can be said that Trump is the Anti-Christ. That’s the way I prefer to look at it. Anyway, the task that these kids are given is to market some electronic goods, specifically the Xbox 360, inside a Wal-Mart store. In other words, the task for these contestants is to do almost the same thing that the night crew does at Wal-Mart. Even Trump bows down under their unholy influence. Or bend over. Whatever.

Trump’s little business lesson is: “Death to Traitors”. Immediately, I regret that I bothered to watch one more episode of this program. “Death to Traitors”? Are you a Revolutionary now, Mr. Trump? It takes me five full minutes to put the gun back down. Trump follows this message up with his little spiel that goes something like this - “Get rid of trouble-makers, and do it quick”. Gee, thanks Mr. Trump! I couldn’t learn something as valuable as that while working at a fast food joint, no sir. I write myself like the 100th note to kick Trump’s ass if I ever see him in real life.

We take a look at Synergy. Tammy is the project manager here and she meets Stewart. Or Leroy. Who gives a crap what his name is? He’s a Wal-Mart suit, which essentially means he’s a clay shell animated by dark forces. You may disagree that WM is one of the most damaging influences to our society and I would tell you to look at the tag on their “American” flag which says “Made in China”. Case closed. Now go back to reading your little red book, like good little sheep.

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Tammy explains how she wants to create an original interactive display featuring the X-box 360. She says that she wants to make it like a red carpet event. She really needs to do some market research. This isn’t the Emmys where people are going to be standing around for hours so that they can see what Eva Longoria (recently named #1 of the 100 hottest women for the second year in a row) is wearing. The typical customers for the X-box will pay attention to you for all of five seconds, and if your display does not feature Cheetos or a life-sized cut-out of Eva Longoria (recently named #1 of the 100 hottest women for the second year in a row), then you have lost them before they reach the console. Tammy states that her idea is to show people that they can create some sort of home entertainment system where you don’t even have to leave your home to be entertained. Brilliant! Just brilliant! If she can just get that idea to the right people, we’ll go right ahead and start all over like we’re back in the 1970’s again!

Roxanne has a testimonial where she displays something resembling a lack of enthusiasm for Tammy’s idea. Good for you, Roxie. We hear Tammy tell her that Roxanne can be the “Graphics Girl” by putting together banners and stuff. I knew people like Tammy in High School. They were the people who decorated the hall for the Homecoming dance, but did not have a date because they were LOSERS!

While they are shopping in Wal-Fart for the proper decorations, Tammy asks, “What do you guys think about getting mirrors to make the place look bigger?” Jesus Christ on Crackers - you’re setting up a display area inside of a Wal-Mart store! Nobody gives a flying rat’s ass how big it looks. I don’t know how that woman ever made it past the initial application. Allie pauses in front of the mirror to fluff her hair. “You’re on national television competing in a contest to be an instant executive,” I scream at the TV. “Stop acting like a bunch of C-average bimbos!” If it weren’t for Roxanne, I would totally write this entire team off.

Bill comes over to the team. He oozes smarminess and I add him to my list of people to subconsciously wish ill will towards while I’m sleeping. It works, too – surely you didn’t think Barry Bonds went 0-for-12 over the weekend by accident, did you? Back to the show (since the three of you refuse to let it die), Bill complains that Allie was not giving him the impression that she was a team player. Well Bill, that’s because Tammy is a total loss and Allie is expecting you to see that. Since you apparently don’t, then it must be assumed that Trump’s little alien implant has progressed steadily and you will soon be an incompetent, drooling media whore just like him. What’s really funny is that Tammy senses the same level of disdain from her team members and she thinks they are acting like they are still in High School. Takes one to know one.

Ah, Gold Rush. Sean is the project manager here. We see him throwing down some food with Lee the Cheater. Apparently, Sean is expecting the banner he has ordered to carry the day. In a testimonial, Lee says that he feels that this group is like in the honeymoon stage and that they still love each other. Weird. But it gets stranger when Sean has a testimonial stating his love for Lee. I bet they had sex.

Back to Synergy after a brief interlude. Oh, goodie. I’m sure Tammy has some more idiocy in store for us. She does. She tries to confront Roxanne and Allie with the fact that she is aware that they are rolling their eyes right in front of her. They both deny it. Let’s go to the tape - nope they never really roll their eyes. Their eyes were actually stuck in a perpetual glare of disbelief when Tammy was talking. However, the tape also reveals that Tammy does storm off when Roxanne tries to politely tell her how much her ideas suck. We’ll get back to that later.

Gold Rush. Sean gets a call from Adrian, who is in charge of the materials for the display area. Adrian says that now they won’t have the floor ready until 7:00 am. Sean wants to know why the delivery time changed from midnight to 7:00am. Never trust a man with such an effeminate name, I tells ya. Anyway, Sean has a little hissy fit and Lee soothes him.

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