Survivor: Guatemala - Episode 14 Summary

'The Italian Bob' By PepeLePew13

We start by recapping what’s taken place so far in the show.

Mr. Burns’s old Mobile-a-Mobile car has crapped out so he has to get a new vehicle – Martin suggests an Oldsmobile, but Mr. Burns elects to order a fancy new Lamborgotti Fasterossa. The only trouble is that the vehicle is being put together at the factory in Italy, so Mr. Burns has Homer fly to Italy to pick it up and bring it home.

We’re now left with a final four of Mr. Burns, Krusty the Klown, Lisa and Sideshow Bob. Who will take home the $1 million cheque as the Sole Survivor? Let’s tune in and find out!

We pick up with Homer driving the brand new Lamborgotti with the family along for the ride. They decide to go touring in the Tuscan countryside and it’s not long before a predictable mishap occurs. A cheese truck gets into an accident and starts spewing dozens of different brands of cheese all along the roadway, and Homer swerves around trying to avoid the cheese – considering that he’s a pro at cutting the cheese, he should know his way around cheese – but finally a huge piece of Mortadella comes crashing down onto the car. D’oh!

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The family pushes the car into the nearest village where nobody speaks English except for the mayor, so they go to see him. To their surprise, the mayor turns out to be Sideshow Bob, who fled America after his attempt to kill Bart. He came to Italy to start over fresh and made a name for himself by crushing grapes to make wine with his enormous feet after the locals fretted over their tiny feet (oh, the jokes I could run with here, but I only have so much time…). Bob quickly became a hero in the town and soon was elected mayor. Nobody knows anything about his old criminal life in America, so Homer offers to keep it quiet in exchange for Bob arranging to have the new car fixed.

Sideshow Bob wins the reward challenge and takes Lisa (and the family) with him to a celebration. Lisa gets so drunk on wine, she starts blurting out tidbits about Sideshow Bob being a killer back in America. Bob tries to shush Lisa but she accidentally rips off Bob’s suit and reveals a prison jumpsuit underneath. Bob’s secret is out and he’s kicked out by the locals! A vendetta is sworn.

Homer and the family flee in the newly repaired car while Sideshow Bob gives chase in a motorcycle. Hilarity ensues as they drive over and destroy ancient Roman ruins and end up on top of a 2000-year-old column high above the ground. The family sees that Krusty the Klown is in town to perform an opera, so they go and ask for his help. Krusty gives the family some costumes to appear as extras in the opera but they get spotted by Bob and runs off to safety in Krusty’s limo.

In the end, the tribe votes – the Lisa and Krusty alliance votes for Bob, Bob votes for Lisa and Mr. Burns writes down something unintelligible. Sideshow Bob is booted by a 2-1 vote.

Hey.

Wait.

(whispers to AyaK) Is this the correct show to summarize? No? D’oh! Sorry folks, apparently that was The Simpsons running overtime due to a late NFL game and it seems that the real Survivor: Guatemala show is starting now at 8:22 pm EST.

Let’s try that again, shall we?

We open with a recap of the whole season. Stuph-it and Booby Jon come out looking like chipmunks with their round cheeks and teeth showing. The tribe fawns and act like fanboys/fangirls over the returning Survivors. A bunch of people we swear couldn’t have been on the show got booted – anyone remember a “Brianna” or a “Morgan”? I didn’t think so. Amy gets run over by a giant ball and Bobby Jon & Jamie stick their shoulders back and do their version of Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks in going chest-to-chest yapping at each other. Juddhead rants for hours at TC before he finally shuts up long enough to allow Margaret’s torch to be extinguished. Jamie and Juddhead both got blindsided big time, man, the damn scumbags, man. Man. Cindy keeps the car that she won rather than to let the others (who didn’t bother to keep her in the loop on the Juddhead boot) get one each at her expense. Tough decision – not.

Now let’s meet our final four.

Danni Boatwright is a former beauty queen and current radio show host who really does know her sports as she outed Gary as a former NFL quarterback. She’s survived this far in the game due to her body being thinner than the knife blades of the backstabbers in camp. Can’t backstab what you can’t see.

Lydia Morales is a Hispanic from the Pacific Northwest who is excruciatingly useless in challenges and is a vote whore in that she’ll vote for anyone as long as it ain’t her. Whoops, that exact same gig has already been taken by Sandra in Pearl Islands, so the jig’s up, Lydia… lightning doesn’t strike twice, at least not in Survivor.

Napoleon Poindexter is a big-time Survivor nerd and ultimate Fanatic who responds to the name “Rafe” which is apparently an online ID or something. Has the skills to survive but we’ll see if his lack of social skills as a result of spending too much time on these Fanatic online games will come back to bite him on the butt in this episode.

Queen Stuph-it is a returning Survivor who whined so much about the crappy tribe she was on in Palau so Mark Burnett decided to give her a second chance just so she’d stop harassing him daily in his office. She’s an Italian from Joisey and she’s a “pharmaceutical sales rep.” Uh huh, right. *brushes tip of nose with a finger*

On to the show…

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