Survivor: Pearl Islands - Episode 5 Summary

'Drake Shakes, Morgan Moves, and Jon's the King of Nothing' By Drive My Car

Morgan finally won a challenge, and got to kidnap Rupert for 3 days. Burton was voted out, and his great plan of throwing the immunity challenge doesn't look like such a clever idea anymore.

12 are left! Who will be the next voted out.

I love the intro this season! Cannons firing, stunning scenery and wildlife shots, jaunty little Piratey Survivor tune. It makes me so happy. I even made Fish for dinner. It's the little details that make life special.

Day 12 Drake Camp

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It's night after their return from Tribal Council, and somehow since the last episode Jon the Creepy Elf has become King of the Drakes. They are gleefully discussing their boot of Burton the Boring.

Confessionals- Jon tells us that on the way to Tribal he suggests to Shawn that he can write whoever he wants, but Burton is toast. Shawn talks about his alliance with Burton and then says he was getting annoyed and worried and was looking for a way to get rid of Burton anyway. Ummm sure, we believe that don't we Boys and Girls? ( NOT) And am I the only one still amazed that Jon the Drunken Cabinboy is running this thing?

Trish speaks!! Trish is shocked about all the Burton trashing going on by Shawn, they all knew the guys were in a tight alliance til Shawn backstabbed him.

Trish - How Stupid does he think we are?

Anyone wanna answer that one?

Shawn - Michelle is scared, everyone knows she voted Christa and the other person who voted Christa isn't here anymore.

And if there is any doubt in anyone's mind Jon decides to clear it up by publically telling Michelle that everyone knows whose name she put on that card, but it doesn't matter it's all ok now.

Confessional
Michelle speaks! - It's not Ok , I'm in trouble and I am completely alone

She's so smart.

We get the zippy little pirate tune ( yo ho ho) , see more stunning Island scenery and just like that, we're at Morgan.

Morgan - Day 13

As soon as he gets there Rupert notices that the Sea is pounding away at the shelter. Now why didn't Morgan notice? I mean it's the Ocean right? It's big, it's loud, and it's right there where they sleep!
Rupert tells us that with the changing of the Moon that the tides are going to rise another 2 or 3 feet.

But Morgan tribe did notice the Ocean and they fixed it with a some logs. That's right, a couple of logs are going to hold back the tide. Rupert says it's not going to work.

I think it's brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. I mean who cares that it isn't working right now, it will work as soon as the Ocean notices that they put the logs there. Maybe they should have put up a sign. Like No Tides Allowed or Hey Ocean, Stay Away From OUR Shelter. That could work.

Rupert is a kind and gentle soul ( in a Bloodthristy Pirate kinda way) and he treats them like slow 5 yr olds.

Rupert to Ryan- We're going to tear the shelter down and rebuild your shelter today

Ryan confessional- We're gonna move the shelter. According to Rupert the Tide is gonna tear it down, and if we're good He's gonna tell us a story at naptime, and give us a cookie for snack. The Rupert, he nice

While everyone else is hard at work on the shelter project, Osten is very busy NOT working. He is standing around questioning how this whole shelter thing is gonna work. He frets like a little girl, rolls his eyes and mumbles about how "upsetting" it all is. Osten LOOKS like a big strong man, but that's a lie ( a BIG lie) he is really just a scared and wimpy little girl. We haven't seen his Luxury item, but I'll bet it is a Wooby, no wonder the poor guy can't sleep, they took away his Wooby.

Osten confessional - We haven't actually gotten hit by the water yet, so my thought, wait til it becomes a problem, then deal with it

See what I mean? These people are Brilliant! Osten, if it was me? I'd let your fake drowning ass die out there. But that's just me.

Moving the shelter involves long and serious discussions , all the Morgans need to put in their 2 cents, they need to have a unanimous decision about the location of the new shelter, they need to talk endlessly about it, Osten needs to pout and sigh and roll his eyes some more.

Darrah speaks! But damned if I can figure out what she's saying, something about Osten b*tching and moving the Logs.

Tijuana clucks her tongue in a worried way.

These people couldn't survive in a 4 Star Hotel with room service and Burnett's credit card. Seriously, I'm afraid they'll starve to death at Loser Lodge.

Rupert watches all this from the sidelines. At first he looks bemused, then he looks bewildered, and then he looks, well he's Rupert, so he looks really hairy.

Rupert confessional - These guys work very hard at not working. They fight and argue and bicker and b*tch amongst each other so much that I know why it takes them hours to do anything. I know why they don't really do great in the Challenges, I know why they aren't really a great team.

Meanwhile, Morgan is still taking votes as their structure falls apart. Sheesh, they shoulda let the Ocean have it and just start over.

Drake -Day 13

There is a large bird sitting on the beach.
PELICAN ALERT!!
Why is this important? Frankly I have no idea , but the Spoiler Folks seem very interested in Pelicans this season, so I thought I'd point it out.

Trish and Michelle are in the water discussing what they'd like to eat. Michelle says that she'd like a can of something, they talk about the possibility of eating some Spam, or waiting for Rupert to come back for the Spamfest. Oh yes, nothing says Welcome Home like a moldy can a Spam

Trish in confessional says she's worried about Rupert giving away Drake's secrets to the Morgan tribe without realizing it. Like what secrets? They already figured out who your strongest member is, that's why Rupert is over there. The Spam is hardly a big secret. Trish shouldn't worry anyway, Morgan isn't that bright, and right now they are too busy taking a vote on who gets to take the first bathroom break to worry about what Drake is doing.

Jon is an Ass.

Drake is sitting around speculating on what is happening with Rupert and the Morgans. Jon figures they are promising Rupert he's safe with them and buttering him up over there.

Confessional
Sandra speaks! She wants Rupert back, she wants to know what has happened and if Rupert gave out any information about them. ( What information?)

Sandra- Everyone's trippin

Yes, bad canned food will do that to you.

Protect the sacred Spam!

Shawn- 3 days is a long time to spend with another tribe

Thank You Captain Obvious. The sad thing is , next to Morgan, Shawn looks almost intelligent.

Morgan Tribe

Rupert - Since I've been here I've been dying of thirst. I've been hungry since I've been here, maybe at least for lunch I can get a bellyfull of fish.

We get a shot of the water and as if on cue Fish begin leaping out of the Sea. Lots of them. Have they been doing that the whole time? Geeze, you know you're sad when even the Fish are mocking you.

The Morgan tribe is lying around too hungry to move while watching Fish jump out of the Ocean. I can't stand it.

Andrew- Hey Rupert, see those fish out there? They're waiting for you. Go get em

Andrew is an Ass.

Rupert shows them how to work the spear, they are in absolute awe , they are amazed by the mysterious workings of the spear. I on the other hand am yelling at my TV. A SPEAR??!!! YOU HAD A SPEAR THE WHOLE DAMN TIME!!!???? I hate them.

The plan is for Rupert to take Ryan out, be his buddy and show him how to fish. Rupert says Ryan is a good kid, willing to learn and he likes him. They catch a good one, Ryan lets it go while trying to get it in the bag. So instead of continuing to fish with his big buddy pal Rupert, he goes to shore to tell the others of the one that got away.

Ryan - I touched one! I touched a Fishy, but it wiggled and we lost it. Well, I lost it. It woulda been a good one. I touched a Fish!

Rupert shows up with more fish and the Morgan practically pee themselves with excitement. Andrew tells us that Rupert is a workaholic and he is very impressed with the work ethic of Rupert. Look A-hole, it's like this, no work no water, no work no shelter, no work no food. Is it that hard to figure out? Now get off yer lazy ass and go build a shrine to Rupert, God of Food and Shelter.

We come back from commercials and it's

Morgan - Day 14

Treemail! ( or Boat Mail, or Sea-Mail, what are we calling it this season?)
Rupert reads the Mail.

Run through the jungle
best reward yet
stay dry when you want
get cleaner when wet

14 days here
and you sure do stink
the Cameramen have taken to drink
real Pirates they think
would smell more like a rose
standing by you, we're holding our nose
so solve the puzzle
win soap and shampoo
wash yourselves you all smell like

sh*t

Tijuana speaks! - I'm so excited about the reward, I think we'll get something to clean ourselves with. And let me tell you, I have passed the Brink of Stink
( Brink of Stink used by permission - Thanks True)

Rupert tells them he loves Drake and doesn't want to beat them, but he really wants to beat them to show them the reason they're winning might have a little something to do with him. ( ya figure?) He seems to be getting awfully chummy with the Morgans. (I hope he doesn't spill the beans about the secret Spam)

Challenge Island

Jeff's there!! WooHoo! Hi Jeff!! Doesn't he look cute?
*Buggy draws little hearts around Jeff's name*

2 Boats and some wooden crates laid out for a course. They paddle out to the crates and one member dives down to get the rung of a ladder, each ladder rung is a different piece of a puzzle. After they have gathered all the pieces they go back to the beach to assemble a ladder, while one member of each team runs into the jungle to an old well, retrieves a Golden Idol then runs back, climbs the ladder and places the Idol on the pedastal. ( It's a little Idol, more of a Clay than a Ruben)

Reward is a Portable Shower, water cans, water pot, rain coats, shampoo, conditioner, soap and some other lovely items available at Target. And if Morgan wins, their clue to the Chest of Moldy Treasures. ( Do you think there'll be Spam? I think there'll be Spam. Spam for everyone!)

Oh and they get to loot from the other tribe. (Is it really looting if there's no fire? I mean, unless something's burning, isn't it just stealing?) Anyway.

Survivors Ready? GO!

Drake gets into the water first, but that's about where it ends for them. Rubert paddles Morgan into the lead and dives in. Shawn is doing the diving for Drake. Drake then makes a hard right and paddles away from the challenge. So entertaining! (Here, have some popcorn cuz this is good stuff)

Jeff with the play by play - Morgan with a Big lead, as Drake paddles completely out of the course! *snicker*

Rupert gets the last piece as Drake tries to find their way back to the course. They look hopelessly lost ( like any redeeming qualities Jon may have ever had)

Jeff - Morgan huge lead! Jon is using the rudder as a paddle instead of to steer! *giggle*

Morgan lands on the beach, Andrew runs off into the Jungle. Shawn goes to the back of the boat and takes over the rudder from Jon The Amazing A-Hole. Finally they are going in the right direction.

Jeff- Let's go Drake, Welcome to the contest!

*giggle* Jeff is taunting them.

Just as Andrew comes running back with the Idol , Drake is getting out of the boat.

Jeff- Drake! Glad you could join us!

*hehehehe* I love taunting, the only thing I like better then a good mocking, is a taunting.
Good thing Morgan had a big lead, because they kinda stand around trying to decide who is going to have the honor of carrying the Idol up the ladder. I was worried they were gonna stop and take a vote on it.

Morgan WINS!!

Group hugging and happy celebrating. Jeff gives them the clue to their Treasure Map, and tells Rupert he can go back to Morgan and shower then return to Drake, or he can skip the reward and go with Drake back to camp.

Rupert ( in a tough swashbuckling kinda way) clicks his heels together, there's no place like home.

Rupert - I love you guys but I wanna go home

Jeff reminds them to pick someone to loot an item from Drake ( I'll bet that decision took all day).

Morgan Hugs some more, Drake looks defeated, sad, and very very stinky.

We go to commercials. I hate those idiot Dodge Hemmie guys. Just saying.

Morgan Camp

The tribe returns victorious! They are walking upright and everything.

Andrew Confessional- This is the first time I saw them nervous. We really smoked those guys. A lot of it was Rupert, but if you saw us in the boat, Morgan was perfectly in sync. We are on a high, we can win, we are the champions of the world.

Ummmmm Dude, Rupert took control of you losers and totally won that thing for you. Geeeeze, the only other challange you won, they threw.

Andrew is delusional ( and an Ass)

They all smell the soaps, Osten test drives the loufah, Tijuana wants to wash the nasty off. Andrew tells us they are all gonna take a shower. I'm pretty sure it was a cold shower, cuz none of these people is smart enough to boil water. After an exhaustive voting process, and several rounds of Rock Paper Scissors. Darrah gets the first shower.

Darrah speaks! - The guys are respecting our privacy, they aren't watching us shower naked in the jungle. I respect them for respecting us

The Cameraman on the otherhand isn't as respectful of her privacy. Hate to break this to you Darrah, but you're on TV and we all just saw your left t*t.

Ryan- We're riding a High! We're all positive attitude! We're clean and our chicks are naked! It's a good feeling

If they're this happy now, just wait til they find out there's Spam in that Treasure Chest. Boy Howdy, now that's a party in a can.

Bouncy Piratey tune plays and we get to watch Crabs scurry around rocks. ( I am sure the scenery is breathtaking, but my TV died over the weekend and I am viewing my tape on a 26 yr old 12 inch black and white set, so use your imagination, I am)

Drake Day 14

Happy Happy, Joy Joy, Rupert's home, YAY!
Rupert gives Jon a big bear hug and a smooch while Jon happily humps his leg ( and I could be mistaken, but it looks like Jon is either trying to put his tongue in Rupes ear, or escape the stench of his armpit)

Rupert loves being home, no question. Says he didn't need to share the reward loot, he needed to bond with his tribe.

Sandra wants gossip , she can't wait for the dirt on the Morgans. Rupert tells them that a single handful of rice is their meal and that the Morgans have almost no food left.

Rupert - Osten doesn't go in the water, he doesn't go in the jungle, he doesn't go get water, he doesn't gather firewood

Osten is useless. I'm shocked, what about you guys?

Jon The Leg Humping Deckhand, wants real info. He is more concerned about Rupert's loyalties, and asks if there was any recruiting going on.

Rupert tells them - They knew I wasn't going anywhere, They know a Drake is gonna win this whole Damn thing

With Rupert declared loyal again, more happy hugging and leg humping ensues. Drake is Pirate Paradise once more.
( yo ho yo ho)

But what's this? On the horizon! Shiver me timbers a boat approaches with a viscious looting pirate aboard! Arrrrrrrr!
Oh shoot, not really. It's just Andrew the Ass come to steal something. ( Quick ! HIDE THE SPAM!!)

Andrew doesn't really have a handle on how the whole looting the other camp thing works, because he brought them coconuts. Hey A-hole! You came to take something not bring them presents. Sheesh.

Andrew is a Wuss.

Jon and Rupert greet Andrew. Rupert puts his arm around Andrews shoulder and explains how things are gonna be.

Rupert - you can take whatever the *f* thing you want, but I'm gonna tell you what I want you to take

Andrew nodding - I'm with ya brother ( WIMP!)

Andrew tells the camera his tribe has very little rice and he wants to take a bag of rice. Dude ! Take it! You're looting! I think there's even some fire nearby , so it counts! Really! Steal the Rice!

They discuss how much rice Andrew is going to take, he can take the bag or the big can. Rupert tells him he can take the big can, but Andrew says he wouldn't do that ( WUSS!) He going to take the bag with just a little rice in it.

King Rupert The Good- Do you want more? I'll give you more? I'll put more rice in the bag, all you have to do is ask

Rupert confessional - I added 2 more bowl fulls of rice to the bag, Andrew was happy

Happy?? Ummm Rupe? He was practically sobbing tears of gratitude. Happy? You bet your hairy butt he was happy.

Rupert- That was truely not a looting, that was friends helping friends.

No, THAT was just SAD!

Rupert confessional - There could be danger in having too much control over both tribes

Andrew confessional - This says volumes of diplomacy, and no hard feelings, I'm hoping to soon be a member of their tribe

Andrew crawls back to the boat on his belly and returns to Morgan.

PELICAN ALERT! A wave knocks it over. ( Is it important? Heck, I don't know)

SEAMAIL! Shawn and Jon go to get the mail. It is a Sundae glass with a nifty clue inside. I was going to make up my own little treemail poem, but the one from the show was so bad that I decided to use it.

The Ocean yields you lots of treats
some pay a fortune for what you guys eat
so prepare yourself for a seafood feast
down it all earn 3 more days at least

Seriously bad.

They determine, correctly that it is a drinking seafood smoothie challenge. They're happy and I am thinking, OH GREAT! I get the Barfy Food episode and I had fish for dinner! Trish is worried, she thinks this will be tough for her. Michelle is confident, she says she has no trouble eating disgusting things ( which is just a little more than *I* needed to know about Michelle) So Drake forms a brilliant plan. They figure there will be a tie breaker round and they want Morgan to pick Michelle. She is to act really icked by the shake, really girly and prissy ( like Osten) and grossed out, so she'll get picked to drink twice. It's a good plan.

Before they head off for the challenge Rupert finds a little hurt snake. They bandage him up and carry him off to the challenge with them. Awwwww it's so cute!

Immunity Challenge

Oh Look! There's Jeff again! Hi Jeff! ( Yes, I do wave at the TV. Shut up!)

Jeff notices the snake and asks Rupert who the new Tribe member is.

Dr. Rupert Dolittle- This is Balboa. I found him in the Ocean just barely hanging on, so we bandaged him up and he is gonna be our Mascot

Rupert holds Balboa out towards the Morgans, Osten squeals and wets his pants. ( ok, that didn't really happen, but it would have been funny)

Gross Smoothie Bar. There is a 12 section wheel that spins and balls land on 2 items that Jeff will frap together in a Blender ( I think it's the Bassamatic from the old SNL skit).
The items are in jars with flies crawling all over them ( and seriously, my dinner is not sitting very well with me during this)

Sardines
Red Shell Fish
Mango
Octupus
Razor Clams
Rock Oysters
Squid
Conch
Coconut Juice
Seawater
Bleeding Clams
Jeff's Special ( whatever he wants to throw in)

Excuse me, but WTF is a Bleeding Clam?? Nevermind I am sure I don't want to know.

This segment of Survivor brought to you by Kotex

( Oh come on, did you really think I was going to let that one go?)

First up, Sandra and Andrew. Sardines and Bleeding Clams. It looks awful ( and I am suddenly thankful I am watching this tape on a B&W TV). They drink it down, Andrew easily, Sandra holding her nose and saying it's sick.

Michelle and Ryan . Razor Clam and Jeff's Special ( I'm scared) Jeff says he's feeling colorful so he decides on Octupus. Michelle makes a face and says " That's Humongus". Jeff hacks it up and throws it in. She bites her lip , she looks a little worried, and then she chugs it down like a CHAMP! WOW! Look at her down that crap! That's amazing. She has it finished before Ryan can barely take a sip. Even Jeff says she had " No Problem". But What about The Plan? The Brilliant Plan! Shawn covers his eyes, Christa and Jon look worried. ( and Christa looks like a freak by the way).
Michelle sits down, smiling. Then she burps and giggles. Did I say burp? Because this was no ordinary burp. This a an enourmous rumbling BELCH! ( I know of only one person who can burp like that. *How ya doing Satchbutt?* Everybody wave at CE my Lunch Lady friend, she can Burp like nobodies business)

Jon and Darrah are next. Jonny Fairplay flashes some weird gangy like hand signs and if it's possible to hate him more, I do. They get Conch and Coconut juice. But before they drink it, Jon starts hitting on Darrah. I don't know about her, but that made ME want to puke. He asks if she wants to kiss before they drink the nasty stuff. She says - No!

Jeff- Darrah if you didn't have a boyfriend , what chance would he have?

Darrah- Nothing

( Mocking, gotta love the mocking)

They drink it ok, and we are on to Christa and Osten. She looks like a Freak! What is up with that outfit? She has a weird do rag on her head, she is wearing an ugly and badly made halter top, her hair is in braids with big bows tied in them and to top it all off she is wearing pearls. Huh? She looks like a Swiss Miss Drag Queen. It's wrong, very wrong (but I think Osten wants her pearls). They get Squid and Rock Oyster, drink it down fine.
And so it goes, over and over. Blender spinning, Survivors drinking. Jeff gleefully mixing drinks like a Bartender from Hell.

It's all tied up, and the tiebreaker is timed. Whoever finishes their drink first wins Immunity for their tribe. Drake picks Darrah, Morgan picks Sandra. The concoction is truely a disgusting mess of Conch, Rock Oyster, Bleeding Clam, and Sea Water, with a whole Sardine as a garnish. It's nasty. They both gag and cringe while trying to drink it, but they get it down about the same time. It's that darn Sardine that gives them trouble. Darrah finishes first.

MORGAN WINS IMMUNIY!
DRAKE TO TRIBAL COUNCIL!

Drake Camp

We get the usual plotting and misdirection before Tribal Council. Sandra is worried, Michelle says maybe she should have played it up more ( ya think?). Jon is pissed at both of them. He tells Shawn it was the easiest challenge in the whole game.

Shawn approaches Rupert to discuss the boot. Rupert blows him off and won't talk to him about it. Rupert looks disgusted ( and especially hairy, even for Rupe).
Michelle talks to Rupert and asks what he is thinking about the vote. She's desparate and she puts up Shawn as not trustworthy and a threat at merge time ; which she thinks is coming soon. Rupert says that Shawn does nothing around camp and eats more than his share.

Then the Fish comes back to haunt us as Michelle begins to gag, and prompty sicks up her Seafood Shake. I know the men watching are torn. On the one hand she is bending over with her mini-skirted little hiney in the air, on the other, well, she's throwing up. While she is vomiting ( why me?). Rupert continues to talk strategy with her. He calmly tosses sand on her mess. She thinks Shawn should go. Rupert is thinking about it. He tells us that she swayed him enough that he will talk to others. The Rupert, he nice.

So it's bye bye Shawn, right?

Tribal Council

Is this not the coolest TC set EVER! I love that thing, so spooky and piratey.

Drake arrives, Jeff smiles and begins the interegation.

Jeff - Well, what a difference a few days came make

Jeff asks Sandra about losing the challenge, she says she is very sorry , and they didn't plan to lose it. Jeff addresses Jon

Jeff- Speaking of challenges. Jon, at the reward challenge from where I was sitting it didn't look like you knew if you had a rudder or a paddle or what. Just my observation

Jon starts in with some BS and then says that reward challenge was the first one they really lost. Rupert rolls his eyes and Jeff pounces. He pins Jon down on the lies he told about throwing the challenge.

Jon is an Ass.

Jeff tells them that they have now lost 3 Challenges in a row, and throwing a challenge is really cocky. They gave Morgan the confidence to believe they are a powerhouse.
Rupert says he knew it was the worst mistake in the world, but couldn't convince them otherwise. There is more back and forth and Michelle says she doesn't expect Drake to lose again. Christa says nothing, and that's always a good thing.

Jeff - Time to vote

Michelle votes Shawn, everyone else votes Michelle ( though Jeff doesn't show them all the votes)

Tribe has spoken buh bye.

Next time on Survivor

Morgan is attacked by a Mime, or maybe it was a Pelican. I don't know, it was one of those things that Misto hates.

And Jon is still an Ass.

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