Survivor: Pearl Islands - Episode 9 Summary

'Rupert, Rupert, Everywhere' By LadyT

Previously on the most boring Survivor ever, Lil smiled once which proved that she isn't the unfortunate recipiant of too many Botox injections, Rupert won reward and immunity and Ryno got his walking papers.

Rupert is lamenting the fact that he hates the night. He can’t sleep and he misses his family. So he talks to the night as if it is his wife and admits that he is king of all that there is. Hey, whatever gets you through the night Rupe. He controls the game and wants the others to realize that wherever they place, it will be a place of honor. Newsflash Rupert, you want to be first, but so do all the others that are playing.

Jon is sick of Rupe’s and Christa’s baby talk. I half expect to see Cindy Brady out there with them and Jon saying, “Baby talk, baby talk, it’s a wonder you can walk”. Jon believes that Rupert, Christa and Sandra think that they have absolute power and are above the law. So Burton and Jon go on a strategy walk and plot to get rid of Rupert. They hatch a plan to get Lil, T, and D to vote out Rupe. Because, come on, everyone in the free world knows that if you are up against Rupe in the end, you are going to lose.

Rupe decides that he wants to be Dicque Hatch and fish for a shark. At the same time, Sandra and Christa go searching, well, for something. Who knows what, maybe a new voice for Christa? Jon and Burton approach T, D and Lil about the plan to take down Rupe. It looks to me that Lil is crocheting or something. T &D now have a new life.

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Oh. My. God. Darrah speaks. I can’t understand a single word she says, but I am guessing that she is happy that she is staying. Or that she ate a lemon and is happy. I have no idea. But the expression on her face resembles happiness.

Back to the fishing expedition. The shark didn’t meet the end of Rupert’s spear. Me thinks Rupert is a tad bit depressed about this. Rupe swears that he never gives up, never surrenders and never accepts defeat. Foreshadowing moment #1.

Tree mail or is it sea mail arrives along with a boat. It’s the reward challenge and I could try and make up something witty from the poem, but I was never good with the poetry thing. It basically says run fast and you win reward. Burton states that he will give the reward to Rupe if he wins. Rupe is expecting this to happen since he gave the bacon to Burton. Hey Rupe, shoulda kept the bacon. Foreshadowing moment # 2.

The reward challenge is an obstacle course set up over a large pirate ship. They are grouped in pairs and one goes up a fish net to a platform and then their partner goes. Next one goes up a cargo net and retrieves a bell, both have to ring it. Using a grabbling hook, they grab a rope and swing over to the other side. Next they go up to the crows nest, untie knots and release a bell. Both have to ring the bell. They slide down a sail to the last platform and release a sandbag.

The reward is deep sea fishing on a catamaran. They winning duo will also get beer and pizza. Of course, Jiffy gives everyone a bite and swig. I pity everyone that came after Jon. It seemed he drank like half of the beer, then backwashed. Burton and Lil are one duo. I have to object here. Why are they always grouped together? We get that they are the outcasts! Christa and Darrah are also a duo. It’s close but Burton and Lil win. Next round is Rupes and Jon, T and Sandra. Rupe and Jon win.

So the winning teams face off in round two of our reward challenge. What I want to know is that while they are awaiting for Jiffy to explain the rules, they all look ready to start sprinting? Relax, stay loose, it could help you win. Anyways, they have to run up to the first station and retrieve a sandbag and the second person rings a bell, do the same at the second station and at the final station, cut a line that drops a sandbag and get a key that will open the treasure chest. There they have to put together a puzzle.

The challenge begins and Rupe and Burton are in a dead heat as they climb the fishnet. Rupe takes a huge digga and all of the Free World sees his butt. Don’t know about you guys, but I started screaming, “My eyes, my eyes!” However the best moment came a few minutes later when Lil took a faceplant into the net. I have now solved the mystery of the sour expression on her face. Remember when you were a kid and your mother always told you that if you were smacked in the head your face would freeze that way? Did you see the expression on Lil’s face when that happened? She’s doomed to have a lifetime without a smile because of that faceplant.

So Burt and Lil win again. Yep, those days in Loser Lodge had no effect. The first thing out of Lil’s mouth is that she is a greedy b!tch and is keeping it. Let’s see, she was voted out, slept in a bed, was rested, ate real food, voted back into the game and then went on a huge breakfast. Newsflash Lil, you are so not going to win this game. You should not be so greedy and you should have given it to someone else. Burton gave it up to Jon which royally pissed off Rupe.

Rupe is beginning to see the light that maybe he isn’t as secure as he thinks. Foreshadowing moment #3

Lil starts complaining. When she opens her mouth, does she do anything other than complain and whine? I honestly can’t listen. Wake me up when she is done.

Jon and Burton go off and start plotting, which Sandra, who is doing something in the bushes (I am so not going to guess what she was doing in the bushes) overhears. She immediately makes a beeline to Rupe and reports back like the good little doobie she is. They become concerned that Jon will work his magic on Lil. Jon is magical? I wish he would make himself disappear from my TV set. Rupe reassures Sandra that he will straighten out Lil and get everything out of her. Keep dreaming. Foreshadowing moment #4.

So the big fishing expedition is upon us and Lil and Jon, who I believe are two of the most obnoxious surviors ever, toast to being in the Final 3. They drink and eat pizza while Jon, realizing that he is never going to get any action from any of the other women hits on Lil. She gets drunk and poses like she is going to be asked to be in the next Playboy. That will happen about the same time Hef comes knocking at my door. Oh yeah and they can’t catch any fish.

Immunity Challenge! I think whoever thought of this game went to my summer camp because we played Killer except we didn’t use blowdarts, we used a bow and arrow. It was pretty cool. At least when I was 12. You have to hit your color to become a killer and then you can take someone out. Everyone has three lives and a safety if you are a killer. Rupe, Burton and Jon quickly become killers, followed by Sandra. No one else has a chance. Burton quickly takes out Rupe and then goes on to win immunity for himself.

A snake is eating a lizard. Foreshadowing moment #5

Rupe is pissed. His own alliance has taken him out. He knows Sandra wasn’t intentional, but Burton’s was. Sandra doesn’t see how and when the Drake alliance could have broken up. Darrah is packing like she is going home.

Tribal Counsel time and Ryno comes in. Sandra, man can she ever shut up? She spoke more than anyone. Again. She claims that they would never survive without Rupert. She also claims that Jon is a lazy dumbass who cannot fish and cannot wash a dish, green eggs and ham, sam i am. Jon could care less and says it’s all about Sandra. Sandra agrees, it is all about her. And I thought it was all about me. Man, the delusions.

Darrah speaks again and again I have no idea what she is saying.

They vote and Jiffy brings over the voting urn or whatever the hell they put the votes in over. First vote Darrah, second vote Darrah. Third vote is for Jon. Then it’s Rupert, Rupert, Rupert, Rupert and then Rupert. Hey Jiffy? The one and only time it was effective to read the votes like that was when Gretchen was voted out. And when you revealed the fourth vote, we knew. The amount of foreshadowing that was used in this episode, it would have been a shocker if it wasn’t Rupert voted out.

Rupe walks the plank and is very sad. He states that he is unloved and all of his dreams are shot. Ok Rupe, I want to have a few words with you. First off, you were voted off because no one would win against you, it’s a game buddy. And second, you made more money in the days you were there than I will make this year. So be happy.

Next time on Survivor, The Big Lie is revealed and Mistofleas will become the happiest poster here.

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